The Crooked

The Man To Beat

2010-03-26T11:45:00.002+09:00

I've been wanting to link to Ken's blog for a while now, but I've been putting it off because I wanted to write something about him that would be relevant and heart-felt, and it takes a while for my heart to feel something relevant. But here I am, finally, and I think I can take the plunge.
Ken Okazaki is the first man I've met with his singular genius. He has 6 kids, a fully loaded life, and a whole roster of responsibilities. But this is a man who will have a new idea for something to do, something to be, every time I talk to him. Every idea, just as intricate and insane as the idea before it. If I had to elect one of my friends "most likely to be a tycoon / millionare / magnate," it would be him. He gushes it, and it makes me weak and embarrassed.
I resist it, a lot. Sitting in an office across from him, worn out and tired about all the things I have to think about and projects that I wish I hadn't signed on for, his zest and incredible capacity to think about a million projects, and still keep his current responsibilities in proper proportion, astounded and vexed me at the same time. When my brain feels dried up as a prune, my idea of relaxation is taking a walk and zoning out, making some ramen, watching a TV show. I've seen him study, research, and experiment with his ideas in most of his spare moments.
I'm going to be reading his blog to peel back his sneaky secrets. One day, I will be as powerful and zesty as Ken is.

Hello again

2010-03-25T11:23:00.001+09:00

I'm done my private experimental bit. I don't mind if you all come along for a look. I love you.
www.forestofstars.tumblr.com

Clarification, my dear Watson

2009-12-30T11:39:00.002+09:00

Very stupid title for a post. Excuse me.
I ought to have been clearer. I don't mind giving the URL for my new blog to people who don't necessarily know me personally. I've just gotta have an email address or sumfin to send it to. So if you said, "Send it to meeeeee" and I'm not super sure who you are (or maybe I am, but you're not sure I have your email address) then go ahead and be safe and give it to me in a comment.
Or! Send me an email at swallow.this@gmail.com
Love.

The Verdict

2009-12-23T12:26:00.002+09:00

Hi kids.
So this is what I've decided to do. I made a blog that I can keep private and secret, and I'd like to let you know where it is if you're at all interested. Give me a comment or an email or a somethingorother and I'll send you the URL. Mmmkay?
Merry Christmas!

I'm Yours Revisited

2009-12-16T18:30:00.002+09:00

All thanks to my dear brother Dan (of photography, webdesign, and all-around coolness) for finding this gem of gold. (If you don't know it, have a listen to "I'm Yours" by Jason Mraz, and this song'll have all that much more meaning.)

Cookies

2009-12-10T11:00:00.003+09:00

I am tired, Beloved,
of chafing my heart against
the want of you;
of squeezing it into little inkdrops,
And posting it.
Amy Lowell, The Letter

Merry Christmas!

2009-12-08T11:56:00.006+09:00

This Christmas, and this New Year, promises to be different from all the rest. Every year it becomes more of a realistic, time-restricted, organized function for me, and less of a surprise, delight, excitement.
But there are those moments when I stop and think about Christmas and the Christmas of my childhood, and I get a shiver of surprise, delight, and excitement.
So don't forget to stop and think about Christmas.

Oh Dear, Blog Crisis

2009-12-08T11:23:00.003+09:00

It does seem as though there may come a time in the very near future when closing down this blog will have been the best thing to do. The main thing I'd loathe about that is the zillions of posts that'd be lost (unless I painstakingly saved them all. I might save some! Hmmm). I'd miss not being able to post. I'd miss the fact that it's something I've been steadily doing since I was 14. I'd miss it all.
I was thinking about it, and being emo about it, and wondering if, closing it down for PR purposes would mean I was ashamed of it. I came to the conclusion that there is a difference between the way you are proud to portray yourself as an individual--Christian, Family-member, whatever--to people who more-or-less know you or your context, and the way that you would present yourself to people who are just being introduced to you for the first time. Maybe it's the sort of swing-around that happens as a result of suddenly finding yourself under the possibility of being googled by people.
I guess it's sort of like you oughtn't just talk off the top of your head to people you don't know. I would say something different to people who just met me for the first time. Not because I'd hide something or be less honest, but because I want them to understand. I want them to relate. I want to make sense to them.
I started off on this blog with no intention of being read by people I didn't know, or (just to prove how strange and Internet-ignorant I was) by people who weren't in the Family. Whereas I used to be sort of awkward and surprised when people I met for the first time would tell me they read my blog, I've sort of prepared my heart for it and realized that it's really a good thing.
Also, I've since realized, if I'm going to bother writing anything at all, I may as well write for as big an audience as I can. My Dad used to always say when I was a kid that if I was going to make music or write or do anything with one of my hobbies, that I ought to do it seriously and do something that could be used. I didn't often listen to him, because the unusable stuff--the stuff that just comes out and is unedited and untouched and yucky and messy--was the only stuff I really wanted to have anything to do with. You know how it is, being a lazy kid just trying to experiment. But I'm 20, dammit. I don't have as many excuses.
In so saying, I'm thinking about maintaining a presence on the Internet that is as purposeful and relatable as possible. Keeping it real, so that when people see or hear something with my name on it, they'll Google me and find something that explains who I am and what I'm doing, not just a bunch of rambling teenage thoughts. Agreed?

Hiccup

2009-11-30T16:38:00.001+09:00

Two of my best friends in the whole world just had their first kid. I love you guys to death and I'm proud of you. I have a feeling the little one will be legend.
That's it.

Pocket

2009-11-23T10:36:00.006+09:00

You know how, when you don't have anything figured out and stuff is more or less chaos in your head, but you manage to crawl up a warm body and nestle yourself in a fuzzy pocket that fits you perfectly...
And you're so happy to know that you get to tag along on Someone who sees so much farther and is so much bigger than you. You get to absorb His warmth, feel his heartbeat, and let Him walk you to where you need to go.
Come on up. It's worth the climb up a long leg, and there's enough room for both of us to cuddle up with this handkerchief.

Express

2009-11-05T12:11:00.004+09:00

I want to hear more young people express their love for Jesus. I don't know if this is correct about the Family or Christians in general, but I haven't heard so much of it personally. And then sometimes we get bothered by the fact that the things that we have to read and the songs we have to listen to speak in a language that we can't relate to--too flowery, too formal, too biblical.
I want to hear more of us express our love for Jesus out loud. We ought to be professing Christians, not just silently nodding our heads like lemmings. Isn't it one of the only ways that we have to really strengthen our faith and brotherhood with one another? Ought we not be sharing all things, especially our bond in Jesus?
Come come now.

desire burning in my mind
like a firefly lighting up the sky
my heart is aglow
i feel you burning up my soul
i'm a shipwreck a sailor lost at sea
you're a tidal wave
and you're crashing over me
caught in your current and i'm sinking
but drowning peacefully

i'm crying out come rescue me with love
like a child needs a night light in the dark
Lord light me up i'm lovesick for
just one touch
you're all I need
but you never seem to be enough

i'm romeo desperate for your love
i'd scale these garden walls
just to see the rising sun
but see what light breaks softly through
it's love that i never knew

Things I've Always Wanted To Do

2009-10-26T09:39:00.005+09:00

Study and write Japanese poetry with a Japanese poet.
Take Enka lessons.
Take dance lessons.
Direct a music video.
Write a kick-ass song (I'm waiting for my rocket to come.)
Paint with a huge canvas and lots of oils.
Write/compile a book of reflections together with a photographer.
Organize and direct a concert/event/bash with a budget.
Start a charity foundation and set up a support system for it (fundraise!)
Update the 12FS; create a simple, modern, attractive package for youth and businesspeople.
Sing and dance in a musical.
Write, direct, perform, and film a full-length play with song and dance; something that will be thought provoking and heart-touching. (Let's harness the arts in our witness!) Tour colleges, schools, festivals, and halls. Sell a video production.
Compile and edit a book of personal prayers and praises to Jesus, and include contributor's names and reflections.
Have a blog in Japanese with updates on my missionary life, the projects I'm involved in, etc.
Have a business doing design work for Family homes that can afford a monetary investment.
Have enough material to compile and design a (strongly Christian) inspirational book mostly featuring quotes and portions from here and there, with 365 pages, each containing and completing a succulent inspiration for the day. I have a feeling I'd never be able to publish or commercialize anything like this, since there'd be too many copyright restrictions, but I'd like to make one for myself and people in the Family.
Study design from experts. (And probably quit when it starts getting too technical. Haha!)
Have the means to support other people on the ground with their projects.
Organize and help with the compilation of material for seminars and workshops on practical skills, success in business, work ethics for Family teenagers.
Own a pen-tablet.
Learn piano with a teacher.
Train with a vocal trainer. Singing, enunciation, speaking, breathing...
Set up a printing center.
Live in a small house.
Teach Literature, composition and Language Arts to teens.
Pin-down an opening for a particular witnessing tool, go to work making it, and get active advertising, promoting, and marketing it.
Write a screenplay for a movie (together with other writers).
Have a lot of cool talks with a make-up artist.
Take acting lessons.
Work the cash register at a supermarket.
Get better at public speaking.
Figure out a good balance between humility and confidence.
Find my way around a sewing machine. (And then...make stuff.)
Learn (maybe not so much study as...do) interior decorating.
Take a marketing course.
Find out "what things are really like in WS."
Study psychology.
Write a duet for me and someone else (with someone else in mind).
Have someone design a dress for me.
Direct filming and especially live televising (Learn what the heck this entails).
Learn film editing.
Sing in a choir.
I would be mildly interested in photography if I didn't have a little brother who was so annoyingly good at it.
(Also, webdesign.)
Acquire an amazing Japanese vocabulary.

e e cummings

2009-10-24T22:03:00.005+09:00

love is a place

love is a place
through this place of
love move
(with brightness of peace)
all places

yes is a world
in this world of
yes live
(skilfully curled)
all worlds

Kibou at Tokyo Midtown

2009-10-20T12:15:00.005+09:00

This was good fun. This is us, we did a 4 song set and an encore at "Cafe Orange," this hip pub/cafe in Tokyo Midtown which is in the center of Roppongi. Right outside the entrance of Roppongi subway station.
Steve and I went with Ikko to Tokyo where we met up with the other 2 members of KIBOU, hung out and performed a couple songs at a club the night before, celebrated my "of-age" ness and crashed in one of their apartments.
We were invited to this event that a guy who wants to manage our band was involved in sponsoring. It was actually quite a upscale event, about 100 people RSVPed to this formal-dress party that was held at the cafe, with a huge set-up outside. There were a few famous (and quite a few GOOD) performers that went on before us, some of them have hit songs that are soundtracks for Japanese movies. I didn't get to hang out so long with those people, because the Lord had showed me that this was an opportunity for me to get to know and witness to the members of the band (Ikko is an awesome guy, an Active member totally on fire, but the other two I hadn't really had a chance to talk to deeply yet.)
I had an awesome time and a great chat with them. They're both awesome and super into the message. They have very strong convictions about spreading kibou and changing the world, so that got me excited.
We had some great food, free access to the bar (aaaaahhhh it's great to be 20) and the handsome bartender even whipped up something "special" for me. All in all it was a great night, I met a lot of people.
It was crazy, and Steve I'm sure would say the same thing, how many people came up to us acting like actual...serious...almost deranged fans. Maybe some of them were drunk or something. But a lot of them had seen us on the internet or gotten our CD from their friends and had a lot of stories about how they felt healing power from our songs, or how their 3-year-old son gets super happy when he hears the song, or something. I was constantly just quite surprised. I don't think I was actually much of an on-fire witness cause I was just so surprised at every turn, I had nothing to say.
We did our show and it was great fun, even though I couldn't hear myself at ALL because of the surround sound screaming and yelling feature. But it was great fun. Steve and I kept marvelling how we were having such fruitful witnessing time whilst just kicking back and enjoying ourselves. It really is true, things are switched around in the Offensive.

My Feelings On This Extreme Matter

2009-10-17T09:15:00.002+09:00

So here's where I'm at right now. A lot of my prejudices have been completely thrown out of the window these past couple of months, and I totally understand and LOVE the Change Journey. My approach to all things religious and secular has been totally turned upside down, and I've actually grabbed ahold of that elusive connection with the Lord and to the Word that isn't based on my bundle of securities within the Family. I feel like I could be a muscular Christian, I can stand up for Jesus for real. It's a great feeling.
It's also great knowing that you've made a decision about your life, and you have the "peace that passes understanding" when you just KNOW you've done the right thing. You didn't know for sure before you did it, but now you know, and it's such a feeling of relief. You can look at anything and everything and think, "Hey, I can do that if I want to!" and get so happy just thinking about it.
(Just watch, now that I've said that, I'm going to start spiraling into a pit of despair and condemnation just so the Lord keeps me on my toes.)
Basically, XD couldn't have come at a better time for me. I didn't even need to trudge through it for a few days before I got the hang of it and started having a blast with it. I've been having a blast from the get-go.
So the other day, in the toilet, I had this thought that there are definitely some of my friends who should be doing XD but aren't. I don't know who they are, but YOU know who you are. I'm going to find you, I'm going to Skype you every day and ask you how many assignments you've finished. I really am going to ride you like...like...like something-not-gross-but-distinctly-motivating.
Because, I honestly believe it'll be the thing you need to get your grass hopping. Like, not so motivated? DUDE that's a problem! Let's get up and get motivated!!! And no, I don't mean the Middle-Eastern version of Activated. But if you have that at hand, you might as well grab that too.

Wondering about amazing things

2009-10-10T20:57:00.004+09:00

I wonder things sometimes.
Like, how, in Australia, the Drover talks about your quality of life is about your "story." But then I wonder about these people who don't have much to say for themselves in earthly terms, the little people who have worked at sweet little jobs in faithfully for years and years. They don't have much of a "story." Is that kind of thing supposed to be inspiring for them?
This has been the question of my life lately. Does the Lord make people suited for "little" jobs and "big" jobs from birth? Does the Lord predestine some people to always be striving for better, bigger, more, exciting-er, and some people to be content with the mundane, the humble, the lowly? Are there some people for whom it would be against the Lord's will to stay in a "humble" situation, doing little things faithfully? Are there some people in whom the Lord has put that desire to burn and start projects and go places and be amazing--people who are SUPPOSED to be that way? Are we qualified to call those people "proud," or say that they aren't great disciples if they can't stand being in a small home cleaning toilets? These people who can't stand smilingly letting other people make decisions for them, who can't be content doing the same things every day waiting patiently for other people to catch the vision, and who don't believe that a ministry of standing-in for childcare slots and home laundry is for them--does the Lord design some people and intend for them to be that way?
THIS is something that, as I am interested in expanding my small mind lately, I have noticed as a sort of recurring theme in Family culture. Apparently, we're supposed to (or at least a lot of people that I've met or lived with had this idea) put big people in their place. We're supposed to help the people with "big" ministries (like musicians and witnessers) to maintain their humility with an even balance of toilet cleaning jobs and baby-diaper changing. I remember someone explaining this concept to a sheep who came over to the house after one of our Kando Bando shows: "We keep our musicians humble by rotating them on jobs like changing diapers when they get home!"
I know that some ministries do seem to be more fun, and it would be nice if everything could be fair for everyone in a home, when it comes to having fun. I know that sometimes it makes sense to have the people who are actively involved in the more "fun" ministries, sometimes stay home and clean the toilets so that the people who are doing the less "fun" ministries or who maybe deserve some recognition can go out on a fun grape-picking excursion.
But I don't know if I agree with trying to limit those people from carrying out their visions and the things that they've put a lot of blood, sweat and tears into planning. These are people with dreams and ambition, and I wonder if we're forgetting to reward that?
I also don't know if I agree with trying to have "compassion" on people by telling them that their ministry is "less fun," "more mundane," and "not rewarding in and of itself." Aren't all ministries fun, exciting, and inspiriting, potentially? Isn't that supposed to be a matter of the heart? A mix of work-ethic and GUTS?
On one hand, it sounds word-based, all this "balance" talk. On the other hand, it doesn't really sound like a recipe for success.
But what is success? For years we were taught that success in the Lord's eyes is different from success in the world's eyes. We know that's still true, but now we're being taught that the Lord's idea of success is broader than we thought. It also includes successful witnessing ministries and incentives, setting up programs and even businesses to further and faciliate the mission, getting personally organized and trained well enough that you can be a professional in your field.
It gets me thinking: It's mighty hard to keep the vision for becoming a professional in your field, setting up a successful business venture, pioneering new methods of witnessing, and stepping outside the box to explore crazy new ministries, if we have this mindset of keeping big people in a small place.
There is still a lot of truth in the Word about being balanced, being moderate, being dilligent in the things that we must do as well as carrying out the things that the Lord has given us a fervent burden for. But then there's a lot in the Word about how we need to sometimes be willing to throw our desire for a perfect balance out of the window and not be afraid of some wildfire. Isn't that the premise for why we aren't doing FD home reviews these days, because the Lord knows that some areas might drag when other areas take off? Isn't the Lord asking us to plan big, inspire ambition, raise visionaries, cultivate dreams?
So it makes me wonder. Are we really supposed to be categorizing things as "big" and "small"? Can we maybe imagine that all things are "big" in Jesus's eyes? Can we be so loving and appreciative of everyone and whatever they do for the Family that the people who are becoming professionals at taking care of babies feel just as encouraged and validated as the people who are going out every day pioneering a new busking ministry, and planning for it and praying about it at night, or the people who have spent a lot of years hoping for an opportunity to enact a burden to support the home through an ellaborate CTP ministry?
I wonder if this is the way to breed more enthusiasm and inspiration--more entrepeneurs and visionaries--especially amongst the young people?
I wonder this, because I'm wondering myself what I want from the Family. I can say with conviction that yes, I would stay in the Lord's service even if it meant the Lord asked me to stay home with the kids so the witnessers could go out, and cook and clean to support a bunch of people working on a video ministry, as long as I personally felt the Lord's call to do that, and I was satisfied that I wasn't doing it just because I was too lazy to get up and start something and carry out the dreams the Lord gave me. And I'm happy that I can say that--I hope most people can say that, because I believe the Lord can't use us very much if we aren't at least willing to do anything for Him. But at the same time, I believe He doesn't give people talents and visions and dreams that He doesn't intend them to eventually carry out. He did not give me 10 little talent coins and expect me to come back to Him with 1. If He made me someone with a burning desire to find a project and dig into it, I know He intends to give me a project. I feel it. I feel that as one of the ways that the Lord is leading me. It's one of the only aspects of His will for me that I'm QUITE sure about right now.
And as surely as I feel this burden quite strongly, I'm QUITE sure that there are people whom the Lord has given the same strong desire for a ministry like raising children, or a beautiful anointing to manage a home and take care of the people in it. I don't believe those people are the stragglers, the ones who got "left behind," and I don't think we should see them that way. We've all got "big" jobs, don't we? I sometimes worry that when those people act as though they're being treated unfairly, it's they themselves who are stigmatizing themselves as the stragglers, whereas they could be professionals, they could be maximizers, they could be chefs and certified teachers. They could be amazing, just like any of us could be amazing.
So I kind of tend to think that Jesus makes everyone with the ability to be amazing. Being amazing is definitely not about how many people know your name at the end of it all, but how well you obeyed that burning and definite vision and desire that the Lord put in your heart. I believe all of it requires sacrifice, all of it requires guts, and all of it requires staying up late at night to figure your stuff out, and missing freetime to get better at what you do. It's all amazing, and it all takes the same amazing drive to get at what is ultimately the same amazing goal.
So I wonder. How amazing am I? How amazing are you?

A Little Sunrise Story

2009-10-08T20:26:00.002+09:00

There's a lot going on these days.
I fell to the evil wormy "FDTP disease" that almost everyone got (most of the staff) after coming home. A cold virus of some time that was probably just compounded by sheer exhaustion.
I think I sort of knew that waking up early and going to sleep late and expending myself with such vigor every day for a couple weeks was going to make me sick. I did it, and it did. But it was worth it. Still, I feel bad for my home that I had to come back sick to.
No matter how many times I've done it, I still don't know why I've never learned for good not to wash my hair when my ears are feeling sensitive--when I've blown my nose out and my ears are feeling like evacuated bomb shelters. But I did--I hate having dirty hair--and I went to sleep with a ringing in my ears that got worse and worse.
I was restless but half-asleep for the first part of the night, and it was only at around 1 in the morning that I realized I was wide awake with full, fantastic pain in both ears. I've had earaches a lot, but I can usually tell you which ear hurts more than the other; this time both ears hurt so fiercely that I couldn't tell you if it was an ear infection or a pole that had impaled my head in one ear and out the other.
I tried everything. I tried holding very still and relaxing my breathing. I tried to think positive thoughts, I tried praise time for everything I could think of, I tried praising the Lord for the pain. But after several hours of a very tense attempt at relaxation, I would grit my teeth and clench my fists and squeeze my eyes so hard that tears would come out and I would think, "Oh great, here I am, crying like a stupid baby."
I started thinking about the different kinds of pain. How I can handle some very very ouchy pain as long as I know where it's coming from, or that it's a surface kind of pain, or if I can see it, or if I know it's healthy or helping me somehow. The kind of pain that I can't handle a lot of is the kind that just begins from some place in my body and causes that whole area to clench in pain. I don't like having to desperately try to focus on other things and hypnotize myself away from the pain. I'd rather think about it and go "raaahhhh" and have something to bite down on (lucky Joan of Arc and those leather gloves).
But that doesn't really work when you know the only way to really get over the pain is to go to sleep.
So you try to find yourself an angle where the pain will sort of feel a little more bearable, just pulled back over the line of "aggggghhh" enough that you can have a little pant and seduce yourself to sleep. You sit up, lean against a pillow, lie down straight, lie down with your ear in a pillow, cover your head with a pillow. You find some positions that are soooort of maaaaybe the answer, and some positions that are whoa whoa no no that's not it. But you still can't go to sleep.
I started getting all theological with myself. I started trying to think of any sins I might have committed, or anything the Lord might whip out an earache to try to teach me, and I couldn't really think of anything that stood out to me more than all the other stuff. I tried to ask the Lord what key I could claim, and I claimed so many keys.
At 5, the sky outside my window was turning a sort of greyish tint. I put on my housecoat and went downstairs, turned on the video that was in the VCR and drank so many cups of hot hot water that I emptied the thermos. Then, when I realized I wasn't really watching Tarzan but rather continuing my mental struggle for a miracle of healing, I switched it off and sat myself above a pot of boiling water with a towel above my head. And when that didn't really work (it made my face quite hot and moist), I refilled the thermos and trudged back up to bed with a last hot cup of water. I walked out onto the balcony, sat down on the deck chair, and looked up at the sky.
It was so pretty. Kind of a "sweetie-grapefruit" tint of pinky-green, with grey and yellow all in a big swirl like a special kind of McFlurry. It looked so yummy, and the wind was just cold enough to make my body feel fresh and special.
And for some reason, I realized in a kind of quiet way, that the reason I didn't get my healing miracle, and the reason I was awake all night in pain, was because Someone wanted me to see the sunrise.
I realized, all night I'd done a lot of talking to God and telling Him what lessons I'd learned, what verses promised me healing, and trying to patronize Him into giving me a quick 'n easy sleep. I kept being noisy in my head, clenching and squeezing and tossing and turning. All at once, sitting outside in that chilly dawn, I felt all the words from Jesus that I hadn't waited long enough to hear pouring down like they were coming from the sky.
I knew I'd been busy. I've had a lot to think about and a lot of decisions to make, but I hadn't really had any of those "eureka" moments where I'm sitting with Jesus and it all makes sense and I just want to be near Him. And now I had one. At 5 in the morning, in a housecoat, with a cup of hot water.
All of a sudden the cup of water seemed to be doing the trick, and my ears weren't in a gripping pain anymore. Sure, they were still pulsing with a dull pressure, and they felt like they were carrying gallons of water in them, but they mostly felt like stubborn fat boys who were getting all quiet and obedient looking at the tremendous sky.
It was a moment when my heart said, "Thank You that life isn't easy, and You can't swoop down and pull me out of it, but thank You that I am alive, I'm safe, I have You, and You make the pain worth it every time."

Desperation #2

2009-09-26T09:33:00.001+09:00

When I was reading "Desperate for Jesus," there was something else that jumped out at me. "Desperation" is something that's I picture alongside emotional drama, heart-wrenching, "emo" people. The kind of people who seem to always be having massive emotional victories and spiritual epiphanies, solely due to the fact that they're always off on the other end having emotional battles and private soul-searching. I don't think this is the way the Word is encouraging us to be. But I don't think we should write off "desperation" and be passive Chrsitians.
Desperation is something that we need to hold on to, in whatever form we can. Not only desperation for Jesus, or for souls, but desperation for whatever it is we want to do. Desperation for our projects, desperation for our business ventures, desperation for our friends, desperation for our families.
I know many people who are perfectly balanced humans, without any huge emotional swings, but who manage to get desperate when they need to get desperate, who will get on their feet and take a wild plunge into something, who will flail a fist in the air and tackle their own dragons and the dragons left unattended their less desperate co-workers. We need to have more of that in the Family. More willingness to be motivated by the small things, to get inspired and let the little man inside of them jump up and down with excitement. To go and start a dumb, make-believe project just for the sake of getting better at something. To say, "I want to be on the CGO board someday!!" and not have people raise eyebrows at them and think, "Hello? Don't you know that saying you want to be on a board is too obvious? You've got to chill out and strut your CGO skills in FRONT of the CGO people, but when they ask you if you want to be on the board, act like you never wanted to, because the Family loves reluctant leaders." WHAT IS THAT?? Someone tall and scary stand up somewhere and say that's ridiculous!
Okay!?

Desperation #1

2009-09-26T08:43:00.003+09:00

There's a lot in the Word, (Look up "Desperate for Jesus" if you want a quick example) about the importance of being desperate--seekers of the spirit. Thing is though, it's easy to read them and only hear the difficult standard of desperation. "Needing Jesus at every hour of every day of every minute, and knowing you can't go a single day without him." I don't know anyone who feels like that.
We were reading this for JT Word yesterday, and I got a little stuck on this part. I didn't really want to read it to the JTs. "Okay kids? Do you get the point? You need to actually feel this way or TRY REALLY HARD to feel this way!!"
I don't know how I managed to miss getting that impression from these descriptions of desperation that are spotted all over the older GNs. I know one of my friends, before he left the Family, told me that was his dillema, that he didn't feel the desperation for Jesus that he knew he was supposed to. I don't remember exactly what I said to him, but I think I tried to explain what desperation for Jesus meant to me.
And after JT Word was done, I wrote out those things for myself.
1. It means knowing Jesus is there and snuggling up with the idea of Him, even if I don't feel warm and cozily tucked into His presence.
2. It means living the way He's asking me to live, serving Him and others (and myself, when I need to), because I KNOW He's real, and it makes a difference to Him.
3. It means sometimes wondering why you feel disconnected, and sometimes making an effort to seek, but not getting hung up on it and not feeling like a failure if things continue as normal.
4. It means opening myself to others, to change, and to the truth, because I find that He cannot be where selfishness, stagnation, and falsehoods are.
5. It means not being okay with the idea of never feeling Jesus in my life.

Sailing Home

2009-09-18T13:24:00.002+09:00

"Heart to Heart" are definitely some of my favorite people. I only get around to reflecting on this fact because their awesome album Sailing Home is finally available for everyone to download off the MO site.
James and Philip are two of the most amazing men that hail right up there with any of the best Family musicians. Philip has always been an eccentric musician, and James the more down-to-earth of the two, I guess. It's a huge treat to be able to see them perform, and I love their banter between songs. It's the best thing in the world.
I've never had the pleasure of meeting Sylvie, but I love the way she does it all--it's the best I've heard of her voice yet. That probably goes without saying, since the last thing she recorded before this was years and years ago.
John does a great job with some pretty silky mixes. We need more of this stuff in the Family.
Thanks for releasing your album for the Family, guys. I love it all, and it smooths over the rough stuff these days.
When I opened the credits (as I tend to like to do) I was surprised to see my name there, and then I remembered that John had gotten me into the studio one busy day at the HCS to sing some random backups throughout the album. I can't hear myself, but I guess I'm in there! PTL!

Slaying The Dragon

2009-09-17T16:13:00.004+09:00

Today's rest day, and apart from sleeping in until 4 (in anticipation of a long week of ballooning at Enakyo), I have been doing very little. I am realizing how much I'm acting like an old woman these days--perfectly satisfied to go to another home and play with the kids, happy to be alone sipping little delightful things and flipping through my quote book. Can't see the screen without glasses and limping around with a super-sexy knee problem that won't heal. (The only time my knee problem made me feel sexy was when I was limping through Narita airport and looked like a criminal hijacker who'd just been shot by Dennis Quaid and was trying to make a stealthy escape.)
So in 10 days I'm another decade older, and I'm not going crazy thinking about it. I now live in one of those massive homes where we don't make a big fanfare out of individual birthdays; we have a party once a month for the "Virgos" and "Librans". We did have our first birthday shindig here, and that was a surprise party that Mom and I organized for Dad, because he was turning a milestone 60 and we wanted to do something special. But I don't expect anyone to be doing anything like that for me on my birthday. I'm just turning 20, it's not the sort of age to need cheering up on.
I just kinda wish I wasn't so stuck in my head, that's all. I wish I could hold off on a birthday until I actually felt like a new person, in a new life, opening the massive doors to all the new and strange creatures that would crawl inside and shock me with revelations and happenings. But I feel like the same Florence that I sometimes want to get away from.
I need to go get some coffee, fry some eggs, and wake up. Wish me luck with my monster PNPs.

PTL for FDTP

2009-09-11T20:30:00.003+09:00

You know all those little things you want to praise the Lord for and tell other people about, but...they all happened in such rapid succession that they're strung like beads and and you feel like there's no other way to relate them but in a run-on sentence...? (Or in point form, as follows?)

I got to go to FDTP for a week.
I got to work with some of my favorite people ever, and
Do some of my favorite things, ever.
I got to pick up the most delightful FDTP attendee from Taiwan, and we had a long train ride to Tateyama together.
I got to, not only sing at, but help organize, LJ night, which is almost my very favorite thing to do in the whole world.
I have so much love and respect for the Hartingdon brothers, Robbo and Stevo. Robbo, with whom I share at least 5 things in common, and Stevo, who is a bundle of all of life's best things. Australia must be awesome.
I got help from a very sweet man named Josh when I was at my wits end with a desktop that I had to drag home. The hero used his handyman skills to pack me into one of his suitcases, and it was QUITE a breeze to take it through the trains. Thank you!
Cryssy is the sweetest. Working with her was better than I thought it would be--so easy to build up momentum and want to do more and better.
I am realizing, for the first time very clearly, some amazing things about the Change Journey and Jesus' will for me. Things that are only now making perfect, golden sense. What a thrill.
I got to teach layout classes, which was quite new and interesting. I had no idea how it was going to turn out going in, whether I'd be way over or way under everyone's heads. But it turns out 17-year-olds in the Family are an easy crowd, and they spurred me right along in giving it. It was a big fat chewy treat.
I got a BAD BAD knee problem the day before I was to go through a bunch of train stations to the airport and Tateyama, and had to get ahold of the Lord to see if I was okay with not going. My knee was half better overnight, and even though I wasn't able to walk properly on it for the next couple of days, it was good enough that I could get around at FDTP. I love Jesus.
I got to listen to Michael Fogarty give some of the most motivating and down-to-earth Word-times ever.
I got to sing "Some Nights" for "Story Behind The Song" night. I wasn't too thrilled about coming out with it, as it's one of the heaviest and honest-est songs I've ever written. But handsome boys (and men) were telling me for days afterward that they loved it and that it made them cry, and THAT is something I love doing. (Making...men...cry...?) It's funny, the things that you will do when you're carried away on the Spirit.
I got to see Angela, who I am so thrilled is still around and still the same as ever.
And I'm feeling like doing a mad amount of something. I've gotta find out what that something is.

Check out the Japan + Acton FDTP blog.

A Hurrah Of Joy

2009-09-09T17:27:00.003+09:00

You have no idea how great I feel.
I'm home from FDTP after lugging two suitcases through 8 train stations between Tateyama and Ryugasaki, and I am the best kind of wiped I've ever been. I jumped right into a meeting with the landlord, and I'm processing the home's orders, and I am still the best kind of happy.
I love you. I will see you soon for some personal time, oh blog that I love.

Viagra?

2009-08-29T11:35:00.001+09:00

I got this in a Viagra advert today.

Getting a strong woody is like climbing on the highest mountain for you? With our pilule taken waking your friendo will be more like stepping over the threshold!

I just cannot make sense of it.

Little things

2009-08-12T13:17:00.004+09:00

There are so many ways to touch people, it's amazing. Ways to touch people just by being yourself. Just by smiling. Just by doing something you've always done.
It's amazing how the "big" things that make you feel important and "impacting" touch fewer people than the little things. When I think about it that way, I'd rather be a little person doing little things. I like that amazing feeling of gratitude to the Lord when you find out that something you've done has touched someone, sometimes after years and years of not knowing, more than that dumb feeling of pride at doing something big and making tons of people watch you.
I want to do lots of little things to touch people. I'll write any number of dumb songs if they have something in them for someone. I'll pass out any number of black and white tracts and do puny performances for two or three people. I'll serve coffee for a visitor that comes to my house and check on them to make sure they have sheets, if it'll make them as happy as it makes me when someone bothers to do that for me.
I really wonder what are the tiny things that I could be doing differently to make more of a difference. There's so much that I need to learn from You.

More informations about Ryugasaki

2009-08-08T17:41:00.002+09:00

All is well in the house. Stephen and Rejoice have come to join us, and Mom moved in last night, so that bumps our team up to 9 plus 2 kiddies. A small team in a big house with so much to be done. It's quite fun, because it means getting lost in mammoth JJTs, which is better than being lost in mammoth groups of people, or groups of mammoths.
Our first visitor is coming to spend the night tonight. This is exciting. I will prepare our "visitor room," even though there are tons of empty rooms that she could stay in.
I will go explore the territory soon. So far the immediate terrain is looking good. A nearby supermarket, real close 7-11s in every direction--parks, post office, and police station (?) all within a stones' throw. Also, the train station is only about a 15-20 minute walk, and there's a 100 yen bus that takes you right to the house. There is a Gusto about a 10 minute walk away which I have not yet been to, but have seen on 2D on Navitime.
But I miss my friends. I feel far away.

Little people in a big empty house

2009-08-07T21:01:00.002+09:00

So there is a second or two before my body shuts down and all is hurled into a world of unconsciousness, for me to tell you, my friends, that things are shaping up here in the house on Dragon's Cape (Yes, that is the name of the city where we live, and no it is NOT a good idea for a Home name.)
We have an internet connection, my room has been entirely setup and I even have one more monitor than I did before we moved. All is somewhat...dare I say it...peaceful. My phone perished again the day we got here, so things are somewhat quiet. The days are long and fulfilling. I have done more washing than is good for my hands, and more taking-care-of-kids than is good for my "Childcare is not my calling" reputation. People are trying to convince me that I am good with the kids, and I'm trying to find the right balance between keeping them from actually thinking so, and being thankful for the compliment.
I had to send off a few orders when we got here, and I realized how many different tiny things all come together in this tedious process. Where is the stapler? Where is the printer cable? Where is the Activate Japan stamp? Where is the paper cutter? Where is the piece of paper that tells us how much shipping to Hokkaido costs? Where is my mind?
I am looking forward to having lots of people to fill up this huge clean house of ours.
Over and out.

My Official Moving Post

2009-07-29T09:14:00.003+09:00

I'm going to miss Chiba.
Tomorrow starts serious moving time. I had some kind of joke yesterday about "thinking inside the box"...since...yah...everything needs to be in boxes...but...the joke kind of died on me.
From tomorrow, we waste not a minute of money on our "Renta-truck" and we haul things frantically into it, as our dear and dedicated drivers go back and forth from old house to new. I wish I had a camera and was clever enough to take artistic pictures of the scramble and disarray--boxes from all angles and people's scurrying sandals. I am very sorry for my lack of talent in that respect. All I ever seem to be able to provide on any topic is a sort of quasi report on my crooked emotional state. So here it is.
For the last couple of days we've been drinking all our ice coffee out of plastic cups. The king of big, tall, fleurescant plastic cups that come with massive spiral straws. It's not very classy, but it feels like change.
Change is good, and as "huge" as this change is, it doesn't feel so huge. It doesn't feel like a leap into the dark. We've gotten lots of our home guidelines hashed out, our rooming plan fixed, our schedule decided before most of us have even seen the house. Which is okay, it means someone is looking out for us.
This kind of "moving" change is something that I've always enjoyed the idea of. I don't know if it has something to do with having rarely ever moved in my life but always wanting to; I have a definite desire to get on with it, even if it means sleeping on a cardboard box for a few nights just to get it all in the car and gone.
But there were a lot of things that were convenient about living here. Being right next door to Bayside, right down the road from QQ and Donkey, just 1,500 yen and one trainride away from the HCS. There's a lot to be said for all the sentimental bits of this house and memories in it, sure, but what I liked most about it was its location. Being at the center of all these other homes that made a triangle around us.
Still, I'm happy about this change. I'm happy that, at last, the office will be big(ger). We'll have a real uketsuke desk at our front door. We'll have aircon in every room (which we probably won't use, for the most part.) We'll have a big ofuro and a house that is not so blasted difficult to keep clean. We'll have lots of kids who speak English, and God knows I love a good English-speaking child. Lots of people that I'm looking forward to living and working with. A chance to change, to work harder, to love bigger and better.
So the good has triumphed over the bad in this situation, and I'm mostly thankful for the change and the opportunity to work with new people.
And maybe you can hope for some keitai pictures!

Activate Japan

2009-07-25T10:40:00.010+09:00

Finally! A post about real life and its intricacies.
I work for Activate Japan, and it's probably the closest thing I have to a full time job (although, in our exciting lives for Jesus, we tend to take off doing lots of other things.)
The funniest thing about all this is, even though I grew up on the computer, typing out this and that, making little magazines and writing little stories, I never thought I'd be doing the work that I do now. For one thing, this is not the language I thought I'd ever be doing work in. It has been, for the last 3 years, a steady "learning as you go" experience. TYJ for the challenges that force us to learn new languages!!

Here! Is my handsome and quite qualified co-worker. His name is Akira. He is acting out his Muslim tendency to hide his face from sinners. He is also a very handy handyman, and really wants more people to come and help us in the FUN office so that he can do more handyman things with his handy hands.

So there's lots to be done and so little time to do it in. Some of the things we do are:

Receive orders for products and ship them off to field homes!
Process orders that come in directly from the General Public (I hope to be able to start marketing directly from Activate Japan more in the future...that would be so cool.) via our website, etc.
Process and coordinate the monthly printing and shipping of Activate magazines to subscribed readers! (As well as take care of incoming subscription information.)
CREATE new tools for witnessing in Japan, (Thankfully, we're able to outsource our translating, but the rest of the concept, design, and publishing for the most part happens right here.) as well as ship in products from overseas.
Keep up with all the financial business that is quite an ass-pain when you run an official company.

<--That is something Akira made to cheer himself up yesterday.
Things that cheer me up working in the office:

Akira trying to figure out his Spanish computer programs.
Getting @ed on Twitter
Knocking off lots of little to-dos
Remembering that, when we move, we will have a nice, big, new office to get inspired in.
Friends who know that I am loved best by a phone call that is short.
A clean canvas in Indesign
Crystal coming in with a snack for us (Crystal randomly makes snacks for us all the time. It is amazing.)

Things I've Been Up To

2009-07-11T09:30:00.013+09:00

What's better--a boring blog post, or none at all?
Since I happen to be the lucky owner of this blog, I get to answer that question, and while there is no real conclusive answer, the answer for today is "a boring blog post." So here I race!
Things I've been up to:

>>Attending (and staffing) Ken and Natacha's wedding. Which was good fun, good food, and good blisters. Highlights include: romping around with Mike D., singing in French (???) and harmonizing "I'm Yours" with Gabe, having storytime with the kids afterward in a half-dead aspirined-out state of mind, embarassing myself in front of guests with my strange inability to speak the right language at the right time, getting to know Ken and Natacha who I am very happy to be moving in with soon.

>>Designing a new Christmas CD for production in Japan.

>>Finally getting around to tying up the loose ends with TCD approved songs "Remember Me" and "Stupid Things"
>>Anticipating a huge home move in the beginning of August. Packing/forsaking things.
>>Laying out WOW #6

>>Praying desperately against a seriously unwelcome nerve/muscle cramp in my hand that acts up every time I need to use my computer. (You. Also. Pray. Yes?) I may need to think about changing the way my stuff is set up.
>>Dying my hair. (This is really a very anticlimactic tale. For all of you who know me and know I've never dyed my hair before, you'd probably imagine something really exciting. It was really exciting when it was going in and when I was washing it out, but when all was said and done, it was still sort of the same color, except a duller, greyer, strangely purple-tinted version of my previous dirty blonde hair. I just went and kind of...blahed it out, I guess. Definitely not the intended product. Must fix.)
>>Praying in some funds for an MP3 player.
>>Missing my friends (and my phone).
>>Drawing a picture of Jesus.
>>Baking cookies!! (You'd never believe it, but I baked whole batches and batches that were ALL eaten by real humans!!)

Listen and Live

2009-06-27T15:35:00.001+09:00

The love of her life is drifting away
They're losing the fight for another day
The life that she's known is falling apart
A fatherless home, a child's broken heart

Just love her like Jesus, carry her to Him
His yoke is easy, His burden is light
You don't need the answers to all of life's questions
Just know that He loves her and stay by her side
Love her like Jesus
Love her like Jesus

The gifts lie in wait, in a room painted blue
Little blessing from Heaven would be there soon
Hope fades in the night, blue skies turn to grey
As the little one slips away

You're holding their hand, you're straining for words
You're trying to make sense of it all
They're desperate for hope, darkness clouding their view
They're looking to you

Just love them like Jesus, carry them to Him
His yoke is easy, His burden is light
You don't need the answers to all of life's questions
Just know that He loves them and stay by their side
Love them like Jesus

Lord of all creation holds our lives in His hands
The God of all the nations holds our lives in His hands
The Rock of our salvation holds our lives in His hands
He cares for them just as He cares for you

So love them like Jesus, love them like Jesus
You don't need the answers to all of life's questions
Just know that He loves them and stay by their side
Love them like Jesus
Love them like Jesus

Kokoro No Kotae MV

2009-06-20T10:57:00.004+09:00

Once and for all, for those people who are continuously asking me for "the link to that music video with you in it!"

The reason I hadn't posted it until now is because it wasn't really anything that I had anything to do with besides just...standing around in it. Yosh (the genius) had the idea for it and coordinated every minute of the 6 (or so) hours that we spent on it. I had lots of fun just looking goofy in front of the camera.
And I figure, since it's a witnessing song, here are the words and chords for ya'll.
And, just for fun, here is the audio file.

Have A Nice Day

2009-06-18T13:18:00.002+09:00

I'm always idealistically (foolishly) attempting these projects that involve me doing some kind of search on the internet for clever quotes. I happened to discover today that wikiquote has a massive database of all the quotes that have ever been submitted as "Anonymous." Here are some that made me perk up this morning.

But what about my obstacles? Feint left, run right. Charge like a mopapotamus. Blast with lasers. Drag along. Pretend not there. Surmount.
All That Glitters Is Not Gold, There's Brass And Copper Or It Might Be Plated!
Build something that's foolproof and they invent a better fool.
Cancel my subscription, I don't need your issues.
Contrary to what the cynics say, distance is not for the fearful, it is for the bold. It's for those who are willing to spend a lot of time alone in exchange for a little time with the one they love. It's for those knowing a good thing when they see it, even if they don't see it nearly enough.
Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.
Deaf people can do anything other people can do except hear. (????)
Don't drink water... Fish have sex in it!
Even the mighty oak tree was just a little nut once, just like you.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
He’s as sharp as a beach ball.
Hold my beer and watch this!
I can tune a guitar, but I can't tuna fish.
I don't have an attitude problem: you have a perception problem!
It is easier to create naked art than it is to create clothed porn. (????)
If a man speaks in a forest, but no woman is around to hear him, is he still wrong?
If the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
I intend to live forever – so far, so good!
I'm pink, therefore, I'm spam!
In most instances, all an argument proves is that two people are present.
It's not a bug, it's an undocumented feature.
Let his own wand ding him. (again...????)
People say I shouldn't frown because it uses more muscles than smiling. Then I point out that Americans need their exercise.
Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.
The beatings will continue until morale improves.
The world would be less violent if everyone used hula hoops.
There are three types of people in this world: the ones who can count, and those who can't.
Every quote is a quote.
We will fight them until hell freezes over. Then, we'll fight them on ice.
Who ever said nothings impossible obviously never tried slamming a revolving door.
You have no rights. Sit down.
Your head is not aerodynamically proportioned.

Phone Chronicles

2009-06-10T16:07:00.004+09:00

Since my phone decided to turn off and never recharge last month, I've been trying to negotiate getting it to the Softbank store to turn it in for repairs. It's funny though, losing my phone was sort of more of a relief for me than a wild panic. No more worrying about running out of batteries, no more watching the clock to see if it's past 9, no more people who call me "just cause" when I'm in the middle of work hours, and no more real serious obligation to call anyone. I thought I'd really quickly get addicted to my phone, kind of like I don't go very often without signing into Skype or checking my email, but I seem to be relatively detached from this phone business, which is a pleasant surprise.
I've always hated talking on the phone. And as far as work goes, sometimes it's nice to send off an email and have a few relaxed hours before you get a reply that puts you back into panic again...no?
Anyway, finally today, I got a temporary replacement. My temporary replacement is a bright, reflective, PURPLE. Possibly the gayest color purple you can imagine. Behold, the things Google can find for you.

Not only is my phone a pale purple--it's DISCO purple. It reflects colors...and it sparkles and shines. It's so shiny and nuts, in fact, that I almost feel like I could pick up my phone and have a conversation with Uncle Jim.
There are some annoying things though, about having a temporary phone. First thing is that it's all scratched up and clearly been mashed up against the face of many Softbank users before me, and they probably had swine flu.
Second thing is that, I open up my phone and have a zillion missed calls but can't tell who on earth any of them are since they're all just numbers and no names. I wish I could call you back...but I'm afraid I don't know whose number is what. HELP. Aggggh the frightful power of technology to swallow up a bunch of what used to be names of people that I knew and spit out a bunch of numbers.

I Love You

2009-06-06T10:24:00.004+09:00

A little while ago during a game of sorts, I had to answer the question, "What do you want most right now?" And I remember thinking hard and coming up with, "To be understood--to feel like people see and appreciate what I do."
I didn't mean to say it like I'm being misunderstood or unappreciated in my life. When I think about it now, I realize that I am so blessed with so many things--a lot of appreciation for the different ministries that I'm involved in, a lot of recognition for the music and things that I create, and a lot of love and support from my parents who praise me for the good more than they rebuke me for the bad. I'm thankful for all of that.
I think, though, that there are these times that come every now and then when you feel like people are looking at you through a raincloud, judging you more for the times that you forget to do your JJT than for the times that you struggle to get it done. Times when you feel like the people you work with, for whatever reason, want to believe that you're spoiled, selfish, and getting more than you deserve. Times when you want to make them understand the feeling behind what you do; times when you want someone to walk in and see you getting desperate with the Lord because you feel like you're alone in the struggle. Times when you tell Jesus you just want to give up because everyone in your home seems more put-together than you are, and you're too haphazard to be what they expect you to be.
I can get up over this because I know that, for the most part, it's all in my head. But I see and I know people for whom it's more of a reality. People who are not nearly as appreciated or loved and accepted as they should be. People who try, people who fight, people who feel frail because no one is helping them to feel strong. I think it's probably the biggest reason why anyone has loneliness trials that feel like the heaviest weight in the universe--because the rest of us don't see, hear, and touch often enough. Isn't that why people, even when they're in a relationship, can still feel lonely?
There are so many wonderful people around the world--people who sacrifice on a daily basis, who give as much as is humanly possible. I think sometimes, we tend to expect such greatness from people because of the warped perception that we have of people that we esteem "truly great"--some Bible characters, people like Mother Teresa, or the missionaries that go someplace and do heroic, selfless things, almost get eaten by cannibals, whose 1st, 2nd, and 3rd wives die of malaria, and whose faith is always recorded as having been "unwavered."
The thing is, though, that human service is so much less dramatic and pure than that. The most "pure" we can be is still speckled with small prides and selfishnesses. The most "giving" we can be is still sometimes holding something back. The most warm and open we can be is still protected in some way, still shielding, still suspecting. Even working at our hardest we have slumps in productivity, time-management, inspiration. We're so multi-angular that we should never be compared with one another--but we are.
It's not so much about the physical manifestations of "affection." I think it's mostly about deciding to be thankful for someone because of their hard work rather than getting flustered because of what they forgot to cover. Appreciating people out loud from the deepest place in your heart. Jumping in bed and talking with people. Telling people someone you admire them for being a fighter. Getting a prophecy for someone. Holding someone's hand. Talking about your weaknesses and telling people how you admire them for their strengths. Hugging someone for a little longer than you usually would and telling them "I really love seeing you!" with more feeling than you usually would.
I have to say, I wouldn't be in the Family today if not for the times when people held me close to them and made me feel like a part of them, like they'd love to work with me, or even just see me around. There are some people that silently love, with a REAL smile and a squeeze of the hand. These people are the people I treasure, because they are the real reason I'm happy and I'm still fighting for whatever it is I'm fighting for.
I don't really have an idea for how to wrap this up--I probably could've wrapped it up a couple paragraphs back, cause of course you all know what I'm talking about. I didn't mean to get too dramatic about it, either. So here is probably a good place to...yeah.

The Mission

2009-06-03T09:51:00.004+09:00

Just read "The Mission," and I have to say, I'm thrilled with the direction the Family is taking. Thrilled. In some ways, having been in a service home for a long time, I feel like I'm on the sidelines waving goodbye to all the missionaries being sent off to win the world, but it's okay, because I like knowing that at least SOMEONE is out there doing the job. I'm so excited to give this new GN to Active Members, and I'm so excited that everyone in the Family is going to read it in and go "okay, I'll try this."
I know that in the not-so-distant future I'll be able to introduce sheep to other Family members and not be paranoid that their standard is not a good sample.
I know that soon there won't be that loneliness, discouragement, and self-righteousness, because everyone will be struggling harder than I am, and I will look up to them and look down at myself and think "Florence, you gotta up your game. These people are fighting for Jesus, there ain't no more self-pity to be had." And I will grab someone's hand and feel confident that they will pull me in the right direction.
"The Mission," people. Read it and pump some iron.

The best snack ever (inconsequential information)

2009-05-29T22:09:00.003+09:00

The best snack in the world: Jagariko!!! I like to eat these when I am travelling because they are a snitchy food that you can eat with one hand, touch with little fingertips, and savor with a heartful of loooove. I have nothing but love for them.
When I was in this tiny little train station on my way to Shiojiri a couple weeks ago, I had to wait for a good 40 minutes for the next train to come, and it was raining and I was tired and so I went to the tiny little kiosk to cheer myself up with some Jagarikos.
That's the next great thing about them, is you can get them anywhere!!! Work!!!
Anyway, there were these nuns standing there eating their own Jagarikos, and they were so godly and sweet that (kind of like some FGAs you know...) they were trying to make eye contact and probably would've tried to start talking to me if I'd looked at all inviting. But I was just interested in being Japanesey-mousey and getting my Jagarikos and having private quiet time on the bench. So basically I bought my Jagas, barely opened the package before my computer that I'd tentatively leaned against my leg starts slowly slipping down to the ground, and in one fell swoop I reach to save it and my ENTIRE cup of Jagas spills onto the ground. The ENTIRE...brand new...whole collection of Jaga sticks.
At this point the nuns look more or less sympathetic and start to offer their own Jagarikos, but I try to be really cool and brush it off like as if it doesn't really matter to me that I spilled my entire cup on the floor. "Yah, I'm fine. If they didn't want to be eaten...it's their loss."
Man. That sucked. All the way on the train I wanted Jagarikos.
And then Nao bought them for me. And I ate them, and was glad.
And...yeah. Basically I like Jagarikos.

Be

2009-05-26T09:03:00.004+09:00

It's funny how things come and go. How laundry gets washed and then all too quickly recycled into a pile of dirty. How just a second ago you had "plenty of time" to meet a deadline, and now you're wondering why you put it off for so long. How you used to be better at something than someone, and now you stare at them through a half-open window and realize that they've suddenly become better than you by a mile, and, once again, the tortoise has overtaken the hare. How a schedule chock-full of agendas can be so exciting and fulfilling in the anticipation, and then gone and left you feeling a little tired and empty when it's all in the past. How one day, you have a little bit of childish anticipation about liking someone, and the next thing you know you're trying to forget that you ever admitted to yourself that you might. How you love something you've made one second and hate it the next. How you have the best intentions to get up and bludgeon all your tasks for the day with a force of dilligence your keyboard has never known, but end up getting knocked down by something invisible and puny and stay in bed watching youtube videos. How you can sit and write a silly blog-post thinking you have plenty of time before your train, and then...finish your blog post, pick up a bag, stuff it with some implements, and go and do your thing and wonder why you spent so much time on that stupid blog post. How something can be the future and then the past in one split second.
Be careful, self. Be what you mean to be.

Here I Am

2009-05-08T14:43:00.008+09:00

Nagano is not as cold as I expected it to be. Even being rainy and cloudy, I seem to be a great deal warmer than the actual Alps Home residents. I'm the only one who's not dying to turn the heater on in my room, and I was walking around in shorts today. This is very odd, because I'm usually colder than everyone else. Maybe I'm all hot and bothered by something. Must ponder.
On my way here I had a series of small heart-attacks. We got some botched instructions for where I could get picked up, and we ended up passing our stop on the expressway by a great deal, and had to get off the kousoku in order to drop me off at a train station so I could double back. This was only a small heart-attack because it started looking like, "Florence, we might as well just take you home because of all the trouble this is becoming." But I made it, and I am here, and I am happy.
Today was rest day for me and the young Alps boys. Last night my room had a bunch of chips, umeshu, and boys in it, and that was quite exciting.
This picture is for you. "Slat wo nomimashou!" "Slat wa amaiiiii!" Yay!

A quiet remark in the night

2009-05-02T00:21:00.003+09:00

I'm getting wiped from the Internet like a booger from a dirty nose these next few weeks. I'm going to go down to Gifu and do some hardcore bi'nness until the 7th, take a break at Shiojiri, and then head off to help staff an OC camp. Call me if you miss me, yeah?
I think being away from home for a bit will be a good breather for me; it'll help me get back on my feet and figure out where I want to go from here. There are some things in my life that have built up and crashed down, and I wanna know what the Florence that I want to be is going to do about all of that (what Jesus wants me to do about all of that).
I also want you to know that letting go isn't very easy. No, not easy at all. But that's just another one of the things that you already knew, isn't it.
Goodnight, sleepy sweets.

A thought about productivity

2009-05-01T12:28:00.002+09:00

I realize that I most often feel most like updating my blog during the first half of the day. I rarely ever update at night...or if I do, all you get is something short (and most likely depressing). The beginning half of the day is most inspired--the most productive!
WHY then, does my body always want to sleep all morning? What a waste of my most golden hours!
Does it not make sense to sleep earlier at night...and wake up bright and hoppity?
Someone TELL me it makes sense. COMMAND me!!! Ahhhhhh

But you knew that.

2009-04-28T15:31:00.002+09:00

Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up.

Long Train Runnin'

2009-04-27T22:04:00.003+09:00

Now I am home and my eyes feel like they are only now realizing that they were never meant to be opened and they should just close forever.
Partly because of the retarded rash on my eyelid, thanks to some sort of mutant make-up allergy.
Also partly because I am very tired and ought to sleep. (Wonder why I'm at the computer typing THIS stuff, mmmm?) Probably YOU are also very tired, because only the VERY tired find themselves reading my blog, at the end of a long, dark tunnel of aimless internet surfing. Stop it, and go to bed.
If you're still here because you're thinking "I already started reading the post, may as well finish..." well then...okay, there's nothing I can do to stop you. But I CAN ramble on and on to teach you a lesson. But...I won't...because...I am too tired.
Does anyone else, when they read sentences in their heads, consciously think "ellipsis points"...? Maybe it's just me. I hope not, because that would be weird. I would feel very lonely.
I walked home from the train station tonight, bouncing around on my heels in the dark with a bag slung over my shoulders, earphones in my ears and "Back On Track" on my MP3 player. A strange old man came up to me and told me that it was dangerous for "pretty gaijin girls" to be walking in the dark because of "chikans". I didn't know what to do--I thanked him for his sweet word of warning and then walked off. I felt bad though, like maybe he thought I should call a taxi right then and there. Maybe HE was a chikan, and it was his sneaky tactic to get me to invite him to escort me to my house or something. Hmmmmmm!!! Hamano is a scary hood.
Anyway. I miss you, and I hope I get to see you again soon.

Salamanders

2009-04-22T20:39:00.007+09:00

This is very odd. Most of the time lately I only get the kick-in-the-pants to post on my blog when I see how way far down on Aiki and Mary's link list I am. That's so weird. Aiki and Mary, you have become my bloggometer.
So the HCS had a party and I'm finding pictures of myself popping up in random places. That's always the funnest part of the party, seeing the sneaky pictures people took realizing how crazed and drugged you look when you're enjoying yourself in the dark.
And that's ALL I have to say about that. I'm going to be busy hopping all over the place soon but I love you and maybe you're one of the people I will hop to.

That's Just Great

2009-04-18T14:04:00.002+09:00

It does not help me in my songwriting to see videos like this.

Serious Business

2009-04-17T19:23:00.002+09:00

Two songs I'm digging with absolutely no idea why.
Together (CP single release) and Spending My Time (DMC)
I am not kidding. Do not laugh at me. These are awesome songs.
Download them.

I'm really sorry that this is the only thing I have the gumption to post right now. Pray that the desire to update my blog peaks soon.

"Sitting in an English garden...

2009-04-12T11:33:00.007+09:00

...waiting for the sun."
Which is what we're doing right now. We went out singing yesterday and and the night before, and all was pretty happy and nice. Tiring, but happy and nice. We got a bunch of alcohol donations, and a few that we turned down. But when it was difficult to turn down the beers, we had to take them with us in our backpack, which became heavy as a sack of potatoes. Seriously, it's one of the only times in my life that I've ever wanted to turn down a beer.
Here are some happy keitai pictures of us.

My eyebrows looking a little crooked-er than usual, on the way to Chiba Castle.

Steve (revolution!!) and Taka (peace!!)

Thank you Jesus for donations!! (And little bits of money for healthy things!!)

While Steve likes him a good sushi, I like me some fried ebi! Hallelujah for Tempura!
Mmmm! Don't YOU wish you were singing "Country Roads" under the hot hot sun!

Things that are life

2009-04-08T21:26:00.003+09:00

I had a beer during home council today. It was ever so satisfying, thanks to Michael F. for the massive box that lives in my room now.
I sang a song in Latin a little while ago. Oh man, recording it with Steve was the hugest trial, because he kept cracking up when I'd have to sing "et glorificabo" and related Latin phrases. I think every singer plays with the idea of singing like a Italian opera singer at some point (the lesser of many delusions), and that was about as close as I think I'll ever get.
I just got a song back from Michael Piano called "Celestial." It's not really my style, I don't know what style it is, exactly, but it made me bounce around the room for a little while and thank Jesus that I have a soul that is happy enough to sing anything with HAPPINESS, if nothing else.
I'm going to Gifu precture for a Golden Week clowning marathon again. Always tiring as the dickens, but fun and bonding for our small little team in a little house that smells like tatami mat, eating ramens and mazui obentos.
Next weekend Steve and Taka are coming down from the HCS so we can go sakura singing in Chiba. After that, we're over to Bayside wrapping up the loose ends of Strawberry Jam Phase 1, so that we can move on to recording.
I got two songs approved by WSA and I have no idea how I'm going to fit that in on top of the other recording projects. Makes me think about how massively blessed I am to be able to do too much of something that I love.
Someone called my phone this morning with office-related questions, and I was able to spend a good chunk of time talking with him about the struggles in his witnessing and the exciting new projects he's pioneering. It reminded me how much I really want to get out there and struggle myself, but to pray for the people who have been called to do so in the meantime. Very inspiring.
OC camp in the west is coming up. Apparently I am going as staff, third year in a row. Thank you Jesus for small excitements.
I get to help at a 12FS graduation ceremony at Noda, bringing one of my sheep. I think I'm supposed to do a skit with Yo-kun. Yay!
I have my hair in two ponytails right now. TYJ for beer.
There's an Aries party on the 20th at the HCS, and I get to go!
Chateraise just called and told us that they have another pickup of pastries waiting for us. They should be home anytime now. TYJ for those unexpectedly pleasant ends to these beautiful days of life.

Projects projects projects

2009-04-05T09:32:00.003+09:00

Doing too many things at once: Something I have an opinion about.
I believe, besides it being childish, idealistic, and foolish, that it's REALLY GREAT. It's so much fun!
First of all, it's an interesting challenge to see if the things that drop off automatically (since, obviously we can't juggle a zillion balls forever, or at least I can't) are the things that I'm naturally not so interested in, or the things that require more work, or the things that take more time, or the things that I AM actually interested in but realize are of lesser importance. This is really helping me figure out my true level of innate selfishness.
Another reason about why it's great is...for some reason, the more projects you have, the more likely you are to complete all of them. I truly believe this. In my brain, and as far as my reasoning will take me (which is not very far), I'd say this is because there's all of a sudden, as a result of so many things to do, more emphasis on completing the project rather than starting a new one. So, inasmuch as I am always starting new projects, I have an increased panic about finishing the old ones and getting them out of the way. This is sort of the cycle that moves me to accomplishment-by-desperation.
Also, accomplishment is one HUGE shot in the leg. Bouncing from one success to another becomes the easiest little dance in the world. And, whereas dancing is often tiring after a while, this is INVIGORATING. It's like, the truest rawest form of life. (For us SINGLES anyway.)
So PTL!!! Hop hop on those projects, people!!!

Home

2009-04-02T18:31:00.003+09:00

Home. Somewhat brain-dead. But happy.
Strawberry Jam is something that I can have some serious praise time about. I'm pretty convinced that the Lord made a pretty good team when he put us together. It's been a couple good years of being friends to bring us to the point where we can actually get together and write songs as a team. Trying to write enough songs for an album in 3 days is an insane feat, for sure, especially without any pre-prepared ideas. It's not just idealistic, it's actually mostly haphazard and not so recommended. In any case, it's exciting, and we're learning more about how to be prepared next time.
"Next time" is a phrase that is filled with so many questions and possibilities that I'm not even going to think about it.
There were some definite blocked moments of staring at blank pages and having absolutely zero ideas. You look at so many scratched-out ideas and the dorky phrases start to sound passable. And then when you've been through so many words and phrases and ideas, you can't tell which ones are good and which ones are bad anymore. Plus, you can't remember if you've already used that idea in a song 2 days ago.
Anyway. Inspired experience. Mostly for the fact that it's so rewarding to be able to start something with inspiration and finish it with grunting. I'm tired...but I think it's going to be worth it.
And I'm off to eat dinner and SLEEP now.

What!?!

2009-03-29T18:49:00.006+09:00

Hey peeps. I'm at the HCS now. Nekkid as a baby in the brain and ready to tackle the elephant.
Click the image to follow along.

Life is nothing like we plan it to be

2009-03-25T22:54:00.003+09:00

Things are nuts. Jesus knows I need to be busy right now. Thank you Jesus, for the things that remind us that there is ALWAYS the bigger picture to throw our shrivelled hearts into.
Oh dear God, thank you SO much for keeping the curtains open to the outside. This mind can only take so much mustiness.
Stay tuned.

A Paper For Your Wall

2009-03-19T23:34:00.002+09:00

A little hole that I dug to store custom wallpapers in. Sort of for myself, also for anybody else who might glean small amounts of happiness from having an inspiring (or just sort of interesting) wallpaper on their desktop.
I am tired, but I love you lots.

Confessions for no one

2009-03-17T21:03:00.005+09:00

Apparently it's very important for me to list these 6 "confessions". Since Hoan is going to be coming to Japan soon, I feel like it would be in my best interests to stay on her good side. Unless, of course, she's nothing but goodness on all sides, in which case this would've been wasted time...
But I'm not taking my chances.

Confession 1: I have a massive desire to witness--so massive that I wonder how Jesus is going to keep me in a service home.
Confession 2: I fear I may be addicted to Tetris. And I'm not really joking. I'm not capable of sitting at a computer and watching a video or chatting with a friend without wanting to play tetris in a side window. I mean, if I'm watching with a bunch of other people, it's another story, but if i'm alone...I'll always get the urge.
Confession 3: When I just turned 16, my best friend and I got a series of e-mails from an anonymous person who opened an e-mail box for the purpose of writing really really hateful stuff about me. I, to this day, don't understand what I could've done to anyone to make them believe that I was such a disgusting person, but I still think about some of the things he said and wonder whether one day I'll find out that it was all true.
Confession 4: There are all sorts of strange things wrong with my body. One shoulder is about an inch lower than the other, my ankles connect to my feet on the inside instead of the middle (which makes my legs slant in unless I'm wearing sturdy shoes), my knees can lock backwards, and I have a retarded skin condition that is exacerbated by the use of water. Why am I such a Hellen Keller?
Confession 5: I am hugely handicapped at picking up any kind of musical instrument. Any kind of musical concept, really. Maybe it's the same problem I have with Math.
Confession 6: I've been in love with more people than I'll ever admit.

A post for the information-inclined

2009-03-13T13:44:00.003+09:00

My blog is very bent toward members of "the Family International" isn't it. It's been getting increasingly so these last couple of months. You must understand, friends, that the majority of my time IS, in fact, spent, as a member of the Family. I find that I can't really slip in and out of it like a...garment (18th century Heaven's Library word). However, as nut-nuts as some of these blog posts may sound, the weird verbiage and all, I am as ordinary a retard as one would find in any old ordinary store for retards, and I don't talk like an ostrich ALL the time. Be appeased, relatives of mine, who I am just POSITIVE read my blog and hesitate to comment because...of how...little there is to...comment on. I understand. In the future I will post recipes or pictures of my wood-whittlings.
Gosh. I actually would like to try whittling wood. (And no, would was not italicized because it is a homonym of wood. I'm not THAT retarded.)

Things I've been up to:

>>Rehauling the Activate Office. We're having an employee/boss changeover (yes, the two of us), and things have become quite exciting. Now I'm getting to discuss my idiosyncrasies about scheduling and time-management, which is a topic that I am increasingly inspired about.
>>Sitting and thinking about exciting little (and not so little ) musical and witnessing projects that I may be involved in in the future.
>>Taking care of lots of children because their parents have gone to an Education Seminar.
>>Wrangling "Twitter" into my sidebar.
>>Trying to build websites / Building websites
>>Getting over a series of bad earaches (yelling at people to speak louder)
>>Washing laundry. Speaking of which, I fear that I have become obsessed with nice-smelling clothes. The Downy was one thing, but I spent a good chunk of last night inventing various soap packages to tuck in with my clothes. I've also decided that, rather than letting the Downy smell escape into the polluted Chiba air, I prefer to hang my clothes in my room to keep the sweet scent with me a little longer. Am I not nuts? (The stupidest thing about all of this is, if you saw me and gave me a hug, you probably wouldn't notice that my clothes smelled anything different at all. Jesus, it breaks my heart!!!)
>>Eating mikans!!
>>Etcetera. (Okay, small plea to the people who pronounce this word "eck-setera" ...you...should...not...do it...anymore.)

The Powers of Love

2009-03-11T11:13:00.004+09:00

(Michelle and Layla Fighting over a fluffy purple pen of Florence's.)
Michelle: Did you know, Layla, that pen really actually has no magical powers? It's not very good for much. Please give it to me.
Layla: But I don't NEED powers. So it's okay, I will keep it.
Michelle: Oh, but...actually it does have lots of powers. And I need powers because I don't have powers. So please can I have it, please Layla? (Please spoken in the sort of tone that doesn't really denote "please" but something more like, "I have said please, and PLEASE is the magic word, and if you don't give it to me, Florence will MAKE YOU because I have said PLEASE and that is the LAST time I will say it!!")
Layla: Oh. You don't have powers? That's too bad, Michelle. Jesus gave me lots of powers. Jesus gave me the powers to go witnessing, and everywhere I go, I want to witness!
Michelle: Yes, actually something like that happened to me too. Jesus gave powers to my doll, and the doll gave the powers to me.
Layla: Well what kind of powers do you have?
Michelle: Um. The powers of the keys.
Layla: HA! Well I also have the powers of LOVE.
Michelle: Uh...yes, Layla. I have those too. And so does Florence. EVERYONE has the powers of love.
Layla: Yes, but I have more powers. I have all the powers in Heaven AND in Earth.
Michelle: Okay, that's just stupid, Layla. That's just stupid because you can't have ALL the powers. My Mommy and Daddy and Grandpa and Auntie Florence and Uncle Dan have powers too, okay!!
Layla (a little perplexed): Yes...that's right...but...I have MOST of them.
Michelle: Layla. You're just silly. Please let me hold the pen just for a few minutes.
Layla: Okay.
(I think someone's going to have to explain that whole concept to Layla soon because she seems very sad as though she has somehow lost the power that she thought she had.)

An aimless ramble on time and the internets

2009-03-06T14:44:00.003+09:00

A recurring issue in our Home Councils these days is internet use. Not that we have any serious internet-addicts in our home, but we're just etching out our collective home standard since we're a relatively new team. So because of all this discussion I started thinking about ways to filter my internet use through a serious system that I can actually schedule, log, and get a grip on.
I usually just sort of write most of my internet use off to the fact that I use the computer for most things that I do. I leave myself signed in all day because of the various people that are trying to get in contact with me (or that I'm trying to get in contact with) for work reasons. Also, a lot of the communication and delegating that I do in the Office is very intertwined with the internet. I use the internet for research for lay-out and music ideas and reference material...
Thank you Jesus for the Internet. Sigh.
So basically, I started doing the RSS feeds and finding ways for the internet to come to ME rather than me going to IT when there's something it wants me to see. So now I get my e-mails, task reminders, viagra adverts, and blog posts, all to the same place. I can mix business with pleasure!!
I've begun to take little notes in the margins of my planner (next to exercise, prayer vigil, prophecy time, and room cleaning check boxes) of how many minutes I spend recreationally using the Internet. The difficult thing about this method of tallying is that sometimes I am doing an aim-filled thing and an aim-less thing at the same time--like chatting in one window and writing messages in another. I have decided to count these minutes as half minutes. (So when I am chatting with you, feel free to consider me half a person.)
To keep a good and fair perspective, I hope that one day I can also tally all the minutes of good progress-oriented things that I do. Like, why do we always go to such lengths to try to figure out the minutes we're wasting, and no one bothers keeping track of the minutes we're seriously investing? THINK ABOUT IT. YOU probably do this. Sort of equivalent to writing a to-do list and throwing away the ones that are completed. What is this interesting way of thinking?
Once again, I have gone and created more work for myself.

Congratulations

2009-02-27T17:50:00.007+09:00

...to the latest of my friends who have gotten hitched. Hurrah! I'd be totally lying if I tried to say something like "who knew?" or "I never thought you'd be married before me..." because, truth is, we ALL knew you'd be married SOMEDAY. Maybe ESPECIALLY me. I didn't know it so much recently, but I definitely knew it before. Let's just say, the reason we lost touch in recent years is because I decided to trust you to your own devices...and...you were taking care of each other...and all...you know...that. I'm so clever.
I'm so sad I wasn't able to go, because I didn't want to infect your loved-ones with my sniffles. But I just KNOW you thought of me.
I've always thought you were the luckiest pair in the world. God bless you guys, and I hope you get fresh from the Canadian air.
Congratulations to Joseph and Charissa Pritchard!!
(And congratulations to the genius youngster who took the most amazing wedding photos ever!! Guess who?)

These days...

2009-02-25T22:09:00.001+09:00

That said, thank You Jesus.

Flag-raising

2009-02-19T12:24:00.004+09:00

Happy Birthday, Family. And I say this with a tiny tingling of something that feels like it has just begun in the toes and has a long way to go until it reaches my fingers, but is surely on its way.
I have never been so excited about the Family and my involvement in it than during this feast. It really is amazing. I'm not just riding along anymore, I have to get out and pull. It's not about me barely staying on top anymore, it's about having the faith that I AM OKAY, and going out and saving others. I still feel like a mole boring a hole into the ground sometimes, but I'm going to get me some of that courage that can face the sun and let it shine a searchlight through the massive hole that is me. And you! And us! And we!
It always takes a while for the Word to soak in when I'm just reading it and taking it in to myself. But when I start letting it pass through, when I'm witnessing or reading word with the young teens, or thanking the Lord for it, I get it so much quicker, and I get so excited about it; like opening both windows to let the wind through.
I just KNOW you are as excited as I am. And I am so happy to know that there are bunches of others that feel the same way that I do.

Blog Frog

2009-02-16T18:48:00.004+09:00

This might seem like sort of a boring topic for a blog post to some. And...agreed, but it's giving me something to think about right now. It's sort of like these next few minutes of typing COULD actually bring me to an answer that I can buy myself off with, so haul along.
Someone recently asked me what "category" my blog fell under. Of course, I didn't understand the question either until he said something like, "You know, some blogs are kiddy/parent blogs, some are food blogs, music blogs, witnessing blogs, every-day-life-in-the-family blogs, hobby blogs..." And like you, I got the picture.
I WONDER. I never tried to pigeon-hole the blog before.
It feels more just like a representation of myself than a column, first of all. Like a window that I can stand at and wave and say "hi"; I didn't really feel like the blog needed a theme any more than my life did, really. But then he asked me, "Is it kind of a writing exercise?" and I scrunched up my nose. I don't know if it looked very scrunched, but it felt scrunched, on the inside.
Maybe it is a writing exercise. I don't know how much I have actual conscious thoughts of trying to make my "writing skills" BETTER, really. I don't intend to write a book or anything anytime soon... And my songs...well, I don't think they're gonna get much better than they are at this point...it's usually just some kind of hit-and-miss with the melodies and lyrics, nothing I've ever been very good at grunting out.
So, no, not a writing exercise. A bit of writing PLAY, maybe. My own private little sandbox! For making mud pies of the mind!! There are sometimes things that come into my head that feel like they'd make more sense on paper (or, in this case, on cute little white blog interface). Some things that I would sometimes refer to in my head because of how much more sense they made when I managed to fit them like too much luggage into a suitcase.
SO THERE. That's what it is. THAT is the conclusion that this retarded brain took (scrolling up to count...) 5 paragraphs to get to. Weep for me, I really am handicapped.
Only slightly related tangent: In a matter of about 5 or so posts, this blog will have hit its 500 posts mark. How nut-nuts is that?

Remember the old "Joy of Painting" videos?

2009-02-15T23:47:00.002+09:00

Mark just showed me this. I laughed so hard. Youtube videos usually take a few seconds to kick into the hilarity, but this one was funny right from the very beginning. And it has a message!! Hahahaha.

Words to confused Family members

2009-02-15T18:53:00.001+09:00

My friends, it's time to grab the bull by the horns. If there are no horns--you're grabbing a cow, STOP IT!!

"V for Ventriloquist"

2009-02-14T09:46:00.004+09:00

It's Valentine's day. Remember what it stands for? Love, love...sweet, warm, whispering, stirring, fingertip, timeless, magical love. Yes folks, as dorky as "magical" sounds, what else can change the worst possible day into the best possible day just by taking your hand and walking with you? What carries us, holds us, sustains us, fills us... not boyfriends, not husbands, not girlfriends or wives--Love.
I'm sort of irked by these things that people say about disliking Valentine's because they're alone, or because it's a slap in the face to people who "don't have love" or "don't have anything to celebrate." It seriously makes me wonder what missionary group they're in. If you're in the Family, you've got love--whoever you are, however "alone" you feel. Heck, even I probably love you! And if a silly little kid like me can love you, how much more love do you have in Jesus, who is definitely the boyfriend that deserves a little recognition on Valentine's day.
And even if all the rest of this stampeded out of your life, if there was no Family backdrop and no props like friends and family, and you were alone on an empty stage...you'd still have the only love that's really worth celebrating. And even though being alone with Jesus usually is more tears and unworthiness than "celebratory" feelings, celebrate while you cry and celebrate while you grovel at His feet, because you have Jesus in your life, and you have Love, authentic and pure. Who needs carbon copies when you've got the Original.
Happy Valentine's Day. Jesus and I love you.

My little bit of duty to the world

2009-02-09T20:01:00.005+09:00

Triple posting! I just love rest-nights.

Here is something that you must READ:

And then:

Google phrases like "Ass on fire," "You can do it," "Do it, already," etc, for more motivational images.

"My Home" part 1

2009-02-09T19:27:00.007+09:00

Tonight, I will double-post. Because I am in the mood and I do not care that it throws off my nice "one post every three or so days" thing I've got going.
This post has been a long time in coming. Actually, if we're being honest (which, to be honest, we aren't always. Honestly.) this post has been a long time in decidedly not coming and then only just today I have decided to let it come and let the chips fall where they may. As much as some of my home members probably won't take to the idea of being on the "Internets," I am going to do this because of how much I love my them. Hey, if Mama and Peter can do it...(also, all those smiley people in India.)

Allow me to introduce to you the smiling and happy people that are the PC home. Forget trying to figure out who is married to who and whose kids are whose, because, as someone pointed out, we are all sitting sort of in and within each other and no one is standing with the "right" people. Which is quite beautiful, actually. Oh ho ho check this out...look at the people who are sitting with each other and imagine them as a couple. It's quite funny. Hahahahahaha...okay I'll stop laughing.
The only person missing from this photo is David Stine (usually reffered to as "McLovin" or "Schtein", God knows why). I wish he was in this picture, it would make everything that much sweeter if we got to see his sweet smile.

...His sweet eyeballs, I guess, are just as good. (You're welcome, Ambie.)
So here is some trivial information about my home. We have a massive TV (I don't know why that's the first thing that came to mind) and a pretty big dining room that also doubles as a living room...pretty much just the central "aorta" of the house. One annoying thing about it is that the house is quite old (was all fixed up on the inside by some shady workmen who did a sloppy job a few years back) and the main room is the result of the knocking down of some old paper doors and things, so there are large square poles/beams/columns in various sporadic places. Quite pesty. Our house is very much too small, too old, and too ugly for all of us lots of pretty people, and so we are looking for a new house. Like, seriously. Mostly because we (being a service home) are going to move in with another service home to create one large service home (check it out, little bits of math in action!) and we'll need space for like 40 some people. Exciting things!
Most of us like to play various kinds of sports, which is something that is sort of new for me, but I am starting to get into. Mostly basketball, although there are some hardcore soccer players (and VERY few baseball players, thank God) among us. Today we played basketball at an outside court, and Gabe (the monstrocity that is my brother) came to play with us and make our skillz seem pale in comparison to his. It actually was snowing for a bit, but we warmed right up.
Another hobby that most everyone seems to have in common is Age of Empires, otherwise known as AOE, which they sometimes play as a recreational "bonding" activity, with everyone's computers all hooked up to play multiplayer. It is very interesting, but not interesting enough for me to want to get involved (mostly because I suck at computer games. Or anything that involves strategy, for that matter. My brain is sort of, shall we say, nuts.)
I have not finished talking about my home yet.

Fears and Frights

2009-02-09T19:19:00.003+09:00

This was on Dad's desktop. I clicked it immediately. As scrupulous and fat-with-morals as I am, I could not stop the involuntary arm-and-finger-jerk that just took me right into it. Turns out, when the title unraveled all the way it was called "50 Reasons to oppose Flouridation." False alarm. Disaster averted.
I am so afraid that one day I will wake up and find that NO one likes me.

Goings-on

2009-02-05T23:02:00.003+09:00

I would give kisses (if I could) to all the maximizing breakfast cooks around the world who actually bother to set out something more than boiled eggs for their tired schlepping home members. (Schlepp is the combined sounds of slippers and long pajama pants being slowly dragged over the floor.) This morning I woke up and there were these buns in abundance that had sort of a rugged Ingalls taste and texture about them. I was so happy to eat them with my delicious fried egg and bacon and tea that I actually stayed perky all throughout devotions. My day, having thus disembarked, fast became better and better with the discovery that my MP3 player had decided to work after a several-month hiatus, and also an invigorating prayer morning that I was able to lead and thus managed to stay awake and alive during. (It's not that these are boring activities, friends. I'm just extremely sleepy these days!)
I went out to Cocos with my dear farewelling roommate and had a parfait and tons and tons of coffees. Which was also hugely fun and not something I do all the time. I actually took strange and artistic photos with my phone. But they are mostly food photos, and you've probably seen better photos of the same food on a Cocos menu.
I took a bunch of photos of Ko-kun (our own Down's syndrome boy) because I was amazed at how occupied it kept him during my afternoon childcare slot. We also read lots of MLKs and HLs in Japanese which was fun for me.
The evening definitely took the cake though (neck-and-neck with the breakfast buns), because we all scurried out to the gym right after dinner to play some basketball. Being as I have played basketball a total of 2 times in my life, I was thrilled to notice that I was not altogether dysfunctional and my capabilities to hurl the ball in the right direction have greatly improved since the last time I attempted it. I am now actually pretending to be engaged in full-fledged games with other people who play basketball, and am enjoying immensely trying not to think about how I am doing nothing but getting in others' way.
And my day went down like so, and I am very full of feelings of love. I wonder what's for breakfast tomorrow.

Just don't go

2009-02-04T18:23:00.003+09:00

You know about those people you love so much, that you sort of pedestalize (not a real word), who do the inevitable bad and human thing that, 5 seconds ago, you would have been so sure you disapproved of? And now they've got you really seriously reasoning in circles to tell yourself why you don't actually disapprove of it, why your initial disapproval was just self-righteous and hypocritical and you really have no right to continue to disapprove of it, and why it's not pathetic to say "I don't disapprove, because I love you!", and that "he is sorry" and "he couldn't help it" and "he was real messed up at the time," when you know full well he never even used those words to excuse himself, and you just wish he did.
It's hard to find a way to show disapproval without feeling like your anger is uncalled for. Like you're showing an "emo" side that you don't have. You tell yourself that you should remain stable and calm about it all because that's the kind of person you are.
It's hard to show disapproval because you feel like it's none of your business and you wish you could actually believe that and be okay with it. But what you end up doing is saying "it's none my business, I guess" and persuading absolutely no one. And you may as well have lost your right arm because you feel so handicapped at loving him now, because now you'll never be able to feel as much a part of him, or as entitled to his emotions as you used to, because he's "none of your business" anymore.
I guess the only way to go on loving someone is to honestly disapprove. Without removing your eyes from theirs, without removing your hand, without taking a few steps away. Everyone can handle a little disapproval, and everyone needs it now and then--the only thing that really hurts is being left alone. So disapprove, but move in closer.

Being resolute for Jesus

2009-01-29T17:34:00.004+09:00

So we're going to have our home's candlelight service soon, and the inevitable Candlelight Service card was passed out for all to fill. I was sitting at the desk with mine this morning trying in vain to fill out anything beyond my name. I don't often have trouble with stuff like this; little questionnaires are usually a breeze for me. But in the interests of taking this one seriously (something I have begun attempting with increasing fervency every year), I spent some time staring at its sweet white interface and begun to ponder.

The problem is that, in past years, when I've filled out these cards, I wrote what I was in the mood for right then. "I'm having a guitar boom and it's been my superficial hobby for the past 3 days, so I'm going to go ahead and make 'learning to play the guitar as well as Herman Li' one of my goals for the new year" type things. Consequently, I end up with a list of resolutions that are just the first thing that comes to mind--a lot of unrealistic expectations. On the opposite end of the spectrum, I've recently begun making resolutions that are very nebulous and over-generalized, like "Read more Word" or "Get closer to Jesus," Just because I've accepted the fact that my life is not sensational or massively motivated and those are probably the things I'd better stick to anyways, the ones that only require holding on and letting the train take you where it needs to go.

So this year I didn't just want to chalk down the first things that sprung forth like Jack from a brain box, and I sat there and wrote...nothing.

So yes, the card is still empty (save my name, which is quite delightfully adorning its personal little space), but I need to go back to it eventually. The fright of which brings us to a strange personal realization.

Strange personal realization:

I realize that I am quite a weak, feeble mouse of humanity. Basically, I'm not impulsive, not very assertive, and I like my routine. I like an exciting routine, to be sure, but I like MY routine, not other people's routines that all of a sudden jump into mine. If I'm confronted with an opportunity, especially if it's something I've always wanted to do, I'll usually wish that it would sort of go away so that deciding to take the risk going for it or not wouldn't be rattling my brain. Often I'll abandon the process when it seems to be taking me too far in any direction, or if there are any people making a big deal about it. I am a noodle that is slurped about into any little vacuuming vortex, and will never really end up anywhere outside this pile of post-vacuum noodles. I hate asking people for things, I hate coming across as boorish or self-centered (although I often do, probably why I have such a complex about it), and I really don't like being pushed into situations outside of my comfort zone.

Positive upswing: Most of these things are things that I manage to have the Lord help me with. Obviously our lives for Jesus require us to sometimes stumble into an unexpected place where you are suddenly outside and being pushed further and further away from your comfort zone, so I have tackled these things and found them to be the biggest growing experiences of my life. I'm still an extreme wimp about them, though. Also, I'm learning to mind less and less the way I think I am coming across to people, and to just pray for the anointing to come across the way the Lord sees fit, which is bottle-breaking. However, I am, at the core of me, frightfully attached to normalcy.

So the exciting summation of this self-discovery is that I have decided that my main resolution for 2009 is to have a more adventurous and full-of-faith spirit regarding the challenges the Lord wants me to tackle; to be open to seeing them in the first place; and to take them all the way home. Lord help me!!

See ya, monkeys.

Facts From Foolish Florence For Fruitful Fulfillment!!

2009-01-26T16:08:00.006+09:00

Florence (the absolute undeniable expert) tells you about her current experiments for increasing productivity (and tries to sound super motivational about it, just to inspire herself. Rahhh!):

Wake up a little earlier than you're used to (only five minutes can do the trick) and take the time to match your clothes, comb your hair, and splash water on your face. A complete 100% better than just walking into devotions from having climbed out of bed. (Better yet, if you're a superhero, you can make your bed!) Some people manage to wake up a LOT earlier than this and go jogging or do some other exciting activity. I have tried and failed, so I sympathize with those of my brothers who belong with me in the sloth family.
Start exercising. Just starting is a good place to focus all your concentration. Don't worry about continuing, it's sort of something that just follows. Starting is the only real difficult thing!!!
Start doing all the little bunches of tasks at the beginning of your day, if your schedule allows for it. I've found that if I can knock off a bunch of little to-dos at the beginning of the day, it gives me much more inspiration to tackle the work that tends to come in blocks of several hours later on in the day. Get that successful feeling!!!
Buy DOWNY for your laundry!! It's a serious kick in the pants. I am now LOOKING for laundry to wash.
Get a new method of time managing--a new scheduler, a new calendar, a new task-manager program on your computer. I have found myself sinking into the depths of nothingness only because I felt stupid about getting a new schedule when the other one wasn't finished (changing horses in the middle of a stream), or trying to pretend that I was all time-managed (putting lipstick on a pig), or spending too much time inputting to-dos that I thought it was better to just forget the process in favor of just doing stuff. Valid reasons for feeling stupid, all of them, but I have decided that if it helps me out for a bit, I'm just going to DO IT.

There is a quote by God-knows-who that says something to the effect of "In great attempts, it is glorious even to fail." And all this business of making yourself a harder and more effective worker is a GREAT ATTEMPT my friends!! Let's make those distances between the failures shorter and shorter.
(I hope you realize that the part up there where I said I was the absolute undeniable expert...was...a...joke...)

High Quality Photography Post

2009-01-23T16:04:00.013+09:00

I have decided to take more pictures to post on my blog--let's just say, as a New Year's Resolution. (Wow, my only NYR for 2009 is to post more pictures on my blog. That's...fantastic.)
So basically, today I wielded (weld?) a camera and looked for recurring themes in my house. This is what I found. Following is my Signs on Walls in PC Home Collection: All Signs Currently Hanging On Various Walls Or Refrigerators. Behold.

Now the sign to the left is of particular mention. Not many visitors to our house are privileged enough to see it, because it is in one of the furthest corners of our house, the upstairs bathroom. The particular mention that I am going to make about it is--rumor has it that it was created and handled (scotch-tape and all) by my predecessor Phil. It is the only one of its kind that remains, since time (and toilet fingers) was not kind to the others and they were taken down. I honestly don't know why this one stays up, but the longer it stays fused bravely to our wall the more a part of the PC legacy it becomes. (Also, as a bonus, the photo includes sort of a sink-looking receptacle.)

Now this is sort of self-explanatory. I love the attention to detail (happy dinosaur stickers and adventurous misspelling of the word "review"). I believe the credit for this creation goes to Michael (who probably was moved to address the subject when he was home finance man.)

Another bathroom tidbit. I saw this one one day and marveled at the expert color coordination of the tacks. It is quite lovely and cute, and I wonder if it took the unknown benefactor very long to go search for 4 tacks of the same shape and different colors. Or...maybe they had a set...which would totally ruin the mental picture.

I wandered into Mom and Dad's room and snapped a few pictures of Mom looking tired at her desk and of Dad under his covers, and decided that it's probably not in the best interest of the excitement of my blog to post those photos. Mom did, however, invite me to take a photo of her cactus garden, which I find hugely thrilling.

Sigh. There is nothing interesting about this sign, really. I made it, and it's part of a whole set of a bunch of other quotes on the same ring. They're just bloody difficult to switch around because you've got to unhook it and shuffle with some papers, so it tends to stay on the same quote for quite some time. Which isn't a bad thing. I'm...just...saying... whatever.

The schedule, on a refrigerator. It's actually this genius (and consequently, incredibly difficult to understand for civilians) schedule template-hybrid made by Akira or Mia or somebody. It makes me feel smart that I look at it every day and actually see my NAME intertwined into something so complex and mathematical.

My personal favorite. God bless all TRF doers. It would be so interesting to see what would happen if the person in charge of the TRF just decided to take the people that didn't turn their stats in after incessant nagging off the TRF. Like, just..."Oh sorry, I forgot about you because I guess I didn't have your stats in my pile. Darn, I wonder whose fault that is?" I'm very thankful for love and forgiveness.

So that concludes my first high-interest collection of the earthy, cool sort of photographs that I am so good at taking. I was actually seriously considering posting a picture of Dan that I happened to get in a golden moment when I was outside of a room with my camera poised to take a shot of a sign on the door when he opened the door looking extremely tired and unamused, and stood there for a good few seconds wondering why I seemed so ready to take a picture of him outside the door. It was a very good moment, and the picture also is quite good (based on the value of humor, of course), but in the interests of not getting killed, I will only tell you about it and save the photo as a batering tool.

Burning Motivations

2009-01-21T14:30:00.005+09:00

Today read the new Offensive Briefing for devotions. It was a massive trial to stay seated. For some reason I had that sort of pounding feeling in my heart that I usually have if there is some sort of impending doom, or if I'm embarassed about something, or if I'm worried and can't help thinking about something, so it was unpleasant and I tried to suppress it, and for the first little while I had no idea why I felt that way and tried to recollect whether there was anything that I was anxious about. I realized that I'm just anxious about witnessing. I want to do it, badly.
Not only that...there are so many things that I want to do that give me ants in my pants. Let's just do stuff, guys. Let's just do it now. I want to take off a whole month of no other responsibilites and focus entirely on like...getting Activate subscriptions. My God that would be fun. Obviously, for most of us, there will never be a time when we can focus ONLY on one thing to the neglect of all our other duties, but we can still do so much if we don't rely on the feeling of burning up in one area to motivate us. That's usually my NWO, quickly losing the vision if I can't focus all of myself on something. Doing several simultaneous things, leading several simultaneous ministries is a difficult thing for me. Probably difficult for most of us. If we can master it though, we can feel that burning motivation a few times over, and that's awesome.
So let's conquer the world with Activate!!! Raaaaah!
Since the photo probably calls for a caption, it's David and I engaged in a hard-core contemporary dance at the PMA Celebration (obviously I am witnessing to him, and OBVIOUSLY he has no shirt.)

Guru

2009-01-19T00:31:00.006+09:00

Allow me the wicked honor of introducing to you, Guru.

GURU: Shun, Taka, and Steve

So I'm at this point where I'm wondering how much commentary I should offer up about this music, seeing as I'm not really a music specialist and it's not generally the sort of music that I have strong feelings about. But I really liked this stuff and I'm listening to it for sure. You guys'll like it too. Have a go. It's 6 songs, not too much to swallow in one gulp.

Spread the word!

UPDATE: Steve has a blog. Hurrah!

A small and strange trial

2009-01-18T11:44:00.003+09:00

The first thing on my mind right now is this strange little melody that I have in my head that I think (for the time-being, at least) is cool and I can hardly wait to fit to some sort of words. However, my life is sort of ordinary at the moment and I can't seem to pull any lucid ideas for a song out of my thoughts. What I'd like you to think is that I am full of strange and creative sentences just swirling around in my brain at all times, but in actuality, I probably have very little in my brain but a rusty crowbar and some dull crayons.
I did, at one time, try to write down phrases and combinations of words and ideas that I liked in a little notebook to try to "lubricate the faucet" when the time came, and that helped, but it got lost or thrown away or something and now I have nothing. I can't start another one just yet, it'd be like remarrying before enough time has passed to actually wring out all the last drops of mourning.
(Who writes songs like this? Probably no one. I'm probably very strange. Probably.)
I've been flipping through my quote books looking for word combos that would stick out to me, but I feel like a curtain fluttering in an open window--kind of pathetic and that close to getting ripped away. Haven't you always felt sorry for curtains that are put through that? They almost look like they're drowning and hoping someone seems them all panicked out. Who knows though, maybe the curtains were just trying to feel free, like the guy in "The Room".
Now, THAT was a good song.
I did enough to frustrate myself yesterday when I sad down and tried to beat some words out of myself and realized that I was in a somewhat sad and melancholy mood and wouldn't get much other than a sad and melancholy song. Which is definitely not the way to go. So I killed it (gasp! I throttled the creative expression! Newsflash for the carnal, creative expression is sometimes garbage) and I repocketted the melody in my head.
I have been singing this melody at various times, mostly on the toilet, and sometimes while doing dishes. Obviously, since it has no words, the words that I sing make very little sense. Sometimes I surprise myself with some lines that actually rhyme and sound clever, but I never actually come up with anything useful when I am singing it on the spot, and I think I just confuse my home members as to why I am singing a similar melody throughout the day with fluctuating and curiously nebulous lyrics. Something quite alarming, also, is that often the words that come out of my head make little sense and are typical System-song-y cliches that smell like incense that a puny little emo teen girl would burn before she goes and plays her guitar while sitting on neat bohemian pillows. Seriously, I feel like my head is full enough of the Word that I should feel like singing "Jesus I love you" more often when I'm "freestyling," but it doesn't often go down that way. There are some sentences that I find myself repeating quite often, that have been stuck in my head for situations like this for years. God, the things that we hold in our heads to embarass ourselves.
But I've had this happen before where, in sort of the opposite manner, where I had words stuck in my head for a long time, that finally came out one day in a massive wave of shiny Jesuspiration. And I consider that to be a pretty good reason to keep holding on to this melody that one day will make its way into actual songhood.
...
I feel dorky talking about this.

LNF

2009-01-12T10:01:00.003+09:00

Well it's a downright happy new year and I'm glad to be innit. 2009, my second decade of life. I won't be selfish and I will share it with you.
It started off in much the same fashion as last year--with everyone's big big plans being squished and shriveled from massive and fantastic into small and just right. My home suffered no visitors except for Jonie, so we razed the roof at karaoke and in the livingroom with a 50in TV (and ramen).
On the second I had a Kando Bando show and many dramas trying to get there. They had to actually go ahead and start the first set without me, so I had a good laugh when I got there and saw Steve with his "Kent Cobain" hairstyle and a snivvelly nosed-face trying to compensate with some wicked gyrations.
I went back with the tired Tateyama-ites looking forward to some good vaca and ended up getting sick halfway through my first day. It was all good at first cause I knew I had it coming, and I was just thankful that it was after Christmas that I actually dropped with it, but then it kept continuing on and on and getting better and getting worse until I finally pulled out of it with a nasty cough and cold that I am still entertaining in my head.
Yesterday getting dropped off on my way back from the mountains, I got to go to Narita airport for the first time since I was a kid, to pick up some people flying in from Taiwan for retreats and things. It was pretty nutty feeling so weird and out of place around so many gaijins speaking so many different languages. I gotta get out, man.
So today I'm glad to be home. I love coming home to a clean room, being able to walk around a house that is warm pretty much all over, having a shower that is blasting and HOT, a bed that does not slip off in pieces during the night, and having hot coffee in the morning that I didn't have to take from someone's private stash.
But I miss you and I wish I'd spent more time with you.

What being a man is all about...apparently

2008-12-29T19:51:00.001+09:00

Happy Birthday, Love

2008-12-25T10:10:00.004+09:00

There was a gift for each of us left under the tree of life 2,000 years ago by Him Whose birthday we celebrate today. The gift was withheld from no man. Some have left the packages unclaimed. Some have accepted the gift and carried it around, but have failed to remove the wrappings and look inside to discover the hidden splendor. The packages are all alike; in each is a scroll on which is written, “All that the Father hath is thine.” Take and live!

—Anonymous

I love You, Jesus! More than a rampaging soliloquy on my love for Your love that makes my heart sing and dance like a bird, I know You appreciate the little words that actually do more to convey the human frailty of my love--the reason that I love Your love so much. Rather than profess the heights and depths of heaven, I bring to You my shallow heart that is sufficient to explain the heights and depths of my need for You.
This is me, Jesus, not proud about myself and hardly humble, not bad and not good--really neither hot nor cold without You, the gold that tips the scales. This is me, always discovering new reasons to love You, new ways to love You. There are as many different ways to love as there are different people in the world, but You are all of those ways, so this is me, feeling like I may have discovered about ten ways, at best, and breathless to discover more.
Thank You for coming to earth for me, Jesus. As rehashed and duly-beaten as that sounds, if I think about it for long enough it takes on a new meaning with every time that I repeat it in my head. You came to earth. You came to earth for me. You would have come to earth if it was only me, still nothing but a tiny heavenly wood-whittling somewhere in your workshop, breathless and foolish, that you had to come to earth for. You not only came to earth for me, You died for me.
Thank You for every Christmas that I've enjoyed as a result of the first Christmas, as a result of You. Not only because, had You not been born, there would be no Christmas, but even if there were a "Christmas," there would be nothing worth enjoying about it if I wasn't able to live for You, to do what I am weakly attempting for you. Thank You for giving me Your hand to hold.
Happy Birthday, Jesus, the best Love I will ever know.

The First Thing About Christmas

2008-12-23T21:22:00.004+09:00

If Christmas isn't keeping you busy, then you don't know the first thing about Christmas.
You can't really love Christmas if you've never had a Christmas that was so busy that you thought you would probably just die of a fever that was so hot that it exploded your thermometer because of all the nights that you did five different projects that you would usually like to spend an entire day focusing on in one day and you came home and felt like you would like to just relax and succumb to the feelings of tiredness and sickness that are making you shiver from head to toe and burning the little nerves between your eyes, but did not because you knew that you could not because there were more projects to be tackled and more duties to be done and more horses to be beaten, mostly ideas that you're just desperately trying to prove to yourself were not "biting off more than you could chew" when you first had them in your Christmas planning meeting. So you're there with a room that is a wreck and a live wire bouncing throughout your brain that spazzed off because of all the overload of electricity going on in the cranial district, and a pile of costumes that "probably" should be sorted and washed before the next show (something that somehow became your responsibility), and all the minor home things to think about like the dishes that you're on in five minutes or the pile of laundry that, like a pregnant woman is slowly expanding in the corner of the shower room (and has long had a "please take care of me" sign attached to it), and you somehow still have the time to stand up on your two wobbly legs and yell "IT'S CHRISTMAS!!! Have you noticed, friends? Christmas is HERE! Christmas is in my BONES! Yaaaaa!"
Have yourself a hot cup of eggnog (just don't spill it as you run through the halls in warp speed) and sing a merry merry Christmas song with tonsils that are tired and abused like Michael Flatley's legs.

Blog drafts

2008-12-18T09:35:00.002+09:00

I'm finding that I have quite a few half-finished blog-posts saved as drafts lately. I never used to do that. I'm usually quite realistic about the fact that I will never get back to something so insignificant as a blog post if I haven't managed to finish it in the first go. What is this sudden untrue-ness to myself? I must be losing my edge.

It's Christmas It's Christmas

2008-12-15T14:52:00.001+09:00

I love me some good trance

2008-12-09T22:10:00.001+09:00

Amazing

2008-12-09T20:48:00.000+09:00

The Sniffer

2008-12-03T10:56:00.000+09:00

There is one little dark and dusty closet inside my brain that I sometimes creep into and feel like a complete and total pervert in. I sometimes alarm myself with how much I like smells.

I swear to God, if I meet you and your clothes smell fresh like a faithful cycle of fresh laundry soap, or you crawl into bed with me and your hair smells like shampoo, or I give you a hug and you smell like sweet sweet aftershave, I love you more than double. I'll probably even associate that smell with you forever and ever, even when you start using a different cologne. I'll lend you my pillow and be so happy that it comes back smelling like you. I'll stop on the road and try to figure out where the smell of you is coming from, if it's from some other person walking around me. I just love to smell you. And it doesn't really matter who you are, if you smell nice, I'll like thinking about how nice you smell. And THAT is the alarming thing.

I still associate certain smells with certain people very distinctly. Givenchy Insense is Gabe, Sculpture is Aika and Tomoki, Sexy Boy is Nao, Downy Softener is Masa, Herbal Essence shampoo is Mash...okay I could go on and on. Oh, every time I use my cologne it reminds me of Jonie and the time that Tomo and I sprayed alarming amounts of it all over his favorite shirt.
I love you, my pretties, and all your smells.

Some more luminous thoughts on sleep

2008-11-19T12:31:00.003+09:00

I used to be a night person. A crawler of the mundo de la noche, a breather of the yoru kuukis. However, as cool as I always thought that made me, all artistic and sleepless and stuff, I am finding that I have the most energy, vigor, and inspiration in the morning. That is, AFTER I have managed to creep out from under the spell of the absolute and all-encompassing desire to go back to sleep.
This is my theory, for all you people who have lost your zest for life: Waking up early equals VITALITY. Um, waking up early and...managing to stay awake.
Or, for those who are not able to wake up early, I find that jumping out of bed and putting your hand to as many tiny tasks as possible right in the early morning is a good start. I used to love to be sluggish and crawl back in bed for any spare fifteen minutes that I had until lunch time, but that usually keeps me on a sluggish wavelength all day, which is not very condusive to maximizing, being a professional, and even just plain getting anything at all done. It's the sort of lifestyle that finds me still wearing my pajama pants at dinner time, my room a constant mess, and five half-empty cups of cold coffee sitting on various perches around the house (and yes, I must admit, they ARE my cups, and they are quite yucky to look at).
So although I still indulge in a sluggish morning now and then (since sluggishness is a difficult habit to get rid of. Not as easy as getting rid of a slug with a bit of salt...) I am trying to jump out of bed with my resolve in a fist and a song in my soul.
Join me, non-morning people, in this self-bludgeon of morning-ness. I wouldn't feel so bad if I knew that I wasn't the only one who silently and creepily smiles at everyone in the morning because she hasn't peeled her mouth open yet (lubricated it with coffee and stretched it with a few good yawns), and the only one who thinks messed up hair and WILD bangs is a cool and cozy look for morning devotions. Is there anyone else that yawns ALL the way through reading out loud during devotions? Cause no one else in my home does, and I yawn like every other sentence. This is quite vexatious.
Look out, Lethargy. I hope to one day be a mighty morning mushi.

Lookee here

2008-11-15T12:52:00.003+09:00

Found this t-shirt in a store the other day and got Dan the man to hold it up for me while I shot it full of holes with my cell phone.
And you thought you were living in American. Psh.

Stunned

2008-11-12T17:16:00.004+09:00

The Lord is always faithful to bring us across the things in life that serve as roadsigns, a little reminder that life is waiting to be remembered. The warning signs that remind us that time isn't easily persuaded, and stopping is sometimes the only way to go. The stoplights that remind us how transient things are--that there is just as much green as there is red, in the end. And when we wonder, "will things ever change?" we can remember that they always have and always will.
I'm not often seen as an emotional, whimsical sort of character, but I'm the dangerous sort of person that, when carried off by the occasional fancy, stays afar off entagled with the fancy longer than some of the more flighty fellows. So either way you cut it, I'm just as wrong and right, stupid and smart, as the rest of the people who change sides more often. I've always felt sort of middle-of-the-road, inspired to do too much until I realize that inspiration is not the master of time, and nowadays I more or less submit to time.
But I feel very strongly and very tangibly, things that I think I can almost see as I begin to feel them. I can feel them like a fist turning a knob, like paper going into a printer. I never actually FELT very good with words, because the words always seemed so formless in comparison to an idea that ricochets back and forth and jumps and stretches and and grows and rises and falls. I probably got a fair bit into figuring out how to use words just because of my stubborn belief in the idea that everything can be healed, fixed, and made right, if everyone put their feelings into words.
But more nowadays, it feels like beating against a brick wall. Nothing heroic--more or less downright stupid. I'm starting to realize that sometimes people need to protect themselves. Sometimes a mind can't handle the ideas out of the complicated structure of another mind. Sometimes people need to lie and don't realize they're doing it. Sometimes...especially in matters that hold our heart and our head and bonk them together for being naughty, like two OC boys who refuse to apologize to each other (or do, but never mean it), no amount of words will fix anything. That's not cynical. It's just true.
It's idealistic to think that yapping away at something can fix it all of the time. The most priceless things that we ever realize are the things that we finally make sense of when we're sitting down, out of breath, unconscious, paralyzed. We go through life picking up the puzzle pieces, and only when we drop them and see them scatter across the ground do we realize that we need to get on our knees and piece them together. Only when we shut up, do we realize the things that are really worth saying.
I definitely talk more about things than I do things, because, let's face it, it takes less time to talk about something than it does to do it, and a) I've got too many ideas to do at once, b) I'm a lazy nutcase, and c) No one likes to let a good idea pass without letting people know they've had it. So I (along with many other idealistic youngsters) have a mouth with unlimited visiting hours and the contents of a petting zoo.
Today there are things that make me stop and think about the beauty of being quiet. Quietly working and quietly taking a break. Quietly changing one's mind. Quietly dancing in the dark. Quietly praying. Quietly holding a hand. Quietly listening to the things people have to say. Quietly being quiet.
That's not to say that I'm going to become the most quiet and serene person on the planet. I've tried it, it's not possible, and it's not the way Jesus wants me to go. I envy the people who have a calling of quietness and wisdom; I seem fated to be be always saying twice as much as them and being wrong twice as often. But I'm grasping more the concept of wasting less time, wasting fewer words.
I had this sort of picture in my mind today, of dying and being a pot of ashes. Just a few grams of matter, a few handfuls to sprinkle. Every single grain would matter then, wouldn't it. Every leaf I landed on, every droplet that fell on me and merged me with other little particles of dust. I wouldn't be me, walking as I always have--I would be me, quietly falling to the ground. And I thought, maybe that's something I should be doing more often in my life--quietly falling to the ground.
So coming here to this stoplight has helped me to realize that stoplights are opportunities--a chance to put in a CD, a chance to look at the roadmap, a chance to poke a hole into a coffee and take a long draw. Going can become a pure waste of time when you're not also stopping enough. We need to have a tumble to land our faces on the concrete and get a good look at terra firma, from whence we've come, and where we're going, and the road that will take us there.
There's another thing words are no good for--expressing the deeply overwhelming love that I have for Jesus that grows and doubles with every day. The thrilling feeling of being forever and firmly fixed to My Lord, My Lover.
This is me, quietly falling to the ground.

A nugget of inspiration.

2008-11-08T22:10:00.000+09:00

I am having a moment of quiet sneakiness at my office desk. It is right now 9:49 in the evening, and my freenite, and I am sitting here in the office contemplating finishing off a little bottle of coke that has been resting half-full in my room for about 2 weeks, waiting for me to feel healthy enough that I have enough confidence to saturate my health with unhealthiness once again (the cycle of heaven and hell that we are hurtling through like a tumble in a washing machine).

I have a sneaky feeling that people walking outside in the hallway are looking at me and thinking "God bless Florence, she's still working!" But they are not saying anything, and are only smiling mutely at me. I am smiling mutely back, sometimes with a dumb twinkle in my eye (A function I only use every so often because I am saving charm-electricity). I feel like I am SOOO clever I could jump through the roof, because I am actually NOT working, but sitting here and typing a SUPER dumb post on my blog (which is, truly and shamelessly, one of the most super dumb indulgences in my life, after the coke), which is probably the worst waste of time ever. I am such a conflicted character; whilst I often am actually working here on hardcore work-things at this hour, tonight, I am serenely and guiltlessly typing out a stupid blog post. And while the two activities are about as different as night and day (smart and stupid, good and evil, etc.) I am perfectly satisfied and fulfilled doing both/either.
Actually, there are times that the blog posts do not satisfy me and the work does not satisfy me, but rarely ever both at the same time. I am usually satisfied by something, but my brain is so small that I need to concentrate solely on one thing in order to glean satisfactory amounts of satisfaction from it. So vice-versa things will ever be, but this is life (the cycle of heaven and hell that we are hurtling through like a tumble in a washing machine).

Quick n' Easy

2008-11-07T15:01:00.002+09:00

I won't pretend that you are bored enough to have been checking this blog very many times in the past few days, but if you happen to love me enough to care about what I'm up to, I am fervently honored and...ashamed that there has been nothing new to see.
Here is something to tide you over. Some quick 'n easy blog material.

Smoked a cigarette: Yes.
Crashed a friend’s car: No.
Stolen a car: No.
Been in love: Yes.
Been dumped: No.
Shoplifted: Yes.
Been fired: No.
Been in a fist fight: ...not one where anyone ended up hurting.
Snuck out of your parent’s house: Sure.
Had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back: Yes.
Been arrested: No.
Gone on a blind date: No.
Lied to a friend: Yes.
Skipped school: Course.
Seen someone die: THAT TIME WE SAW THOSE PEOPLE DROWNING.
Had a crush on one of your internet friends: Oh Lord yes.
Been to Canada: No.
Been to Mexico: No.
Been on a plane: Never.
Purposely set a part of yourself on fire: Yes.
Eaten sushi: No kidding.
Been jet-skiing: No.
Met someone in person from the internet: Course.
Been moshing at a concert: Not...really.
Taken pain killers: Lots, for my ears.
Loved and missed someone: Ugh.
Made a snow angel: Never.
Had a tea party: Yep, a truly cultured kid.
Flown a kite: Yaaaaaah. Well I remember our family owning some of those big plastic kites, but I don't know if I ever personally flew them. If I ever did, it would've been with my Dad's help (I'm kind of retarded.)
Built a sand castle: Yes.
Gone puddle jumping: Huh? I've jumped around outside in the rain... do people call it puddle jumping? What is that?
Played dress up: Sure.
Jumped in a pile of leaves: Yes!
Gone sledding: Yes.
Cheated while playing a game: Yes.
Been lonely: Hmmmyes.
Fallen asleep at work or school: Yes!!!!
Used a fake ID: No.
Watched a sun set: Yes.
Felt an earthquake: Course. All the time.
Slept beneath the stars: Never for very long.
Been misunderstood: Hasn't everyone? What is this, a question to make me feel singularly mistreated?
Petted a reindeer/goat: Yes. What are zoos for?
Run a red light/stop sign: Jaywalking? Heh.
Been suspended from school: No. What kind of punishment is that? Haaaaa... Sort of equivalent to standing with your nose against the wall, I guess.
Been in a car accident: Yes..Eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night: How much is a pint? And no I don't think so.
Had deja vu: Not so often.
Danced in the moonlight: ...Sure. Hahaha this is one of the most bogus questions I've ever seen. Who hasn't?
Liked the way you looked at least at one point in time: ...for a few minutes...? A few hours...? Like...a particular hairstyle? Huh? You mean...was satisfied with my appearance for a whole period of my lifetime? I'm making this question more complicated than it needs to be; let's just say never entirely.
Witnessed a crime: Yes.
Been obsessed with post-it notes: I've got way too many of them in all shapes and sizes. And a post-it machine on my desk surrounded by stacks of post-its in all different colors.
Been lost: Never severely. Always knew how to get myself someplace where I could find my way home.
Been on the opposite side of the country: ...What's that, like Ichikawa-ken? Maybe!
Cried yourself to sleep: Not since I had a dream that my Mom died of cancer. Not sure how old I was, maybe 8 or 9. That was rough.
Recently colored with crayons: Crayons are good-for-nuthin.
Sung karaoke: Yaaaaaa.
Paid for a meal with only coins: ...who remembers this kind of stuff? Maybe...McDonalds??
Done something you told yourself you wouldn’t: Always. My resolve is the pits.
Made prank phone calls: Just once on April Fools, to my best friend who should've known better.
Been kissed under the mistletoe by your boy/girlfriend: WHAT DOES MISTLETOE LOOK LIKE?
Watched the sun rise with someone you care about: Care...about. Yes.
Blown bubbles: Soap bubbles? Gum bubbles? Done em all, baby.
Made a bonfire on the beach: Yes.
Laughed so hard you peed your pants: ...No...what is that??
Cheated on a test: Yes.
Been kissed by someone you didn’t like: Sure. I'm just sort of yorigonomi shinai.
Gone skinny dipping in a pool: Not in a pool.

Stuff about Treasure Attic

2008-10-27T21:45:00.003+09:00

I love Treasure Attics. Uncle Jim (whose Uncle?) has always been so mystical and magical, dancing around like a pogo-stick with little to do but pick daisies and exhort about whatever comes into his head. As a kid I seriously wished that I had the power to "introduce songs," to punctuate various events in my life--to cheer myself up, mostly. Wouldn't that be so cool? "What's Florence doing?" "Oh, she's watching a song that she introduced to herself because she felt like she wasn't really truly valuing the Little Things today."
Peepers always made me feel good about myself because, although he is very lovable and energetic, he faithfully remains quite stupid about most things. And Bunny Bigword always made me feel good about myself because, although he is smart and perfect, he's a little too stuffy and strange and I could never quite fix him with an age. I'm so glad that people have always been able to pinpoint exactly how old I am (like when everyone at the HCS wished me a happy 20th year on my birthday).
The most sad thing about Treasure Attics that I still don't feel like they quite figured out satisfactorily is how they would always build up to such an exciting pinnacle of daisy-picking, and go through all these wonderful songs and dances, and just when you were totally digging it, uncle Jim would abruptly launch into his "Buh-bye kids!" speech, that was usually so off-topic and so SUDDEN that it really hurled you into a sort of feeling of desperation that you still had not gotten over by the time the "BUrrrrata ta ta~" theme music started playing and the girl started saying "Hey kids! There are more Treasure Attic shows!!" You were sitting there still wishing to see more Uncle Jim, his lovable sheepdog Peepers, and the ever surprising Bunny Bigword. What is the solution to all of this abrupt ending?
Thank you for your time.

Japan is the shiznit

2008-10-26T13:51:00.003+09:00

The Official "COME TO JAPAN!" Photo

I am more sorry than I am posting about the PMA celebration (which was zero, so I am more sorry than zero...at least maybe one). Wow. I don't know why I thought that could make sense.
Basically, it was one of the best Family gatherings I've ever been to. Every day was like what I imagine it would feel like going camping in Heaven, and every single person there was someone I would be darn right proud to start a witnessing home with. (Any takers?)
There weren't that many of us who took the PMA from within the comfortable confines of a service home--in fact, I think it was only Nozo and I. But it was definitely an experience all of its own. I'm sure we didin't work any harder or fight any more honorably than everyone else did, since it was pretty much a "reaching the limits and beyond" battle for all of us, but the Lord knew that we needed the extra stretch...or maybe he just wanted to make sure that Nozo and I became super good friends. Smart guy, that Jesus. Amen Nozo?
Back to the photo above, I think all the women there are gorgeous. Just drop-dead gorgeous. If Amaranthine was still doing his Friday posting of beautiful women, this would seriously avalanche and cave the whole place in. Look out people. So honored to be sandwiched in there between June-san, Free, Teresa, River, Meg, Nozo, Vicki, Cherish, Maria, Lena, Claire, and Faith. Japan is the best.
WHOA AM I THE ONLY...Whoa I just realized WHOA I am the only gaijin in that picture!!! WHOooooaaaAH, dude!
[Calming down.]
So my PMA friends, let's not hide our candles under a bushel and let's proclaim the good news of 12 Foundation Stones classes and pledge letters far and wide!
Hoo-ha! (If only that looked as cool and manly as it sounds in my mind.)

Someone hold me

2008-10-23T16:16:00.003+09:00

Beautiful people of love and light, I've been doing a little bit of thinking.
Actually, statistically speaking, my brain has been so fried these past few days that the overall acts of hardcore thinking have taken a nosedive and my brain has been sort of petering out in terms of "usage," if you...get...my drift (which is, admittedly, quite drifty).
So the thinking has brought me to a nice little place of green grass and butterflies, otherwise known as, the Somewhere-Over-The-Rainbow of a BRIGHT AND BEAUTIFUL IDEA. (The "scenic" way to say "I had an idea.")
I spent the last FIVE hours (which probably should've been spent doing a whole bunch of other timely work; just you wait, one of my supervisors will see my blog and keep a more slimy eye on me from now on) looking for material for a Bible class. The reason this happened to me is, I was going to do an easy thing and whip out one of those AWESOME ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL and EASY PEASY 12 Foundation Stones classes, but I kept getting this dull sort of thud in the back of my mind that told me there was something else that the Lord wanted me to do with Yumi this time. "She's been having THESE questions and THESE trials, Florence, you can't just be like YAY let's read about the Endtime!!!" Christ said to me, in my inner soul. So off I race to my home library with absolutely no idea what I'm supposed to put together for her or where to start looking. So I find something interesting, which reminds me of something else, and something else, and takes me down a wild goose chase through GNs of all sorts, on to looking for Japanese translations, on to trying to compile stuff and cutting stuff that didn't feel right after it had felt SO right for five whole minutes. Then my Word compilation that had felt so burning and powerful at the time that it was being thrown together, after being reread by me, seemed to totally miss the mark. And did, in fact, totally miss the mark. So it was deleted into the giant desertspace where failed Word compilations go to DIE.
While this little experience gave me a renewed love for the 12 Foundation Stones, as well as every single human being who had a hand in putting it together (Brazillians, Indians, all of you!), it helped me to realize that, even with the massive amounts of blessings that the 12 FS bring, we're still incredibly underhanded as far as tools for the Offensive go. So little is translated, so little is neatly accessible. With all of the disciples that have been won and all of the witnessing that has been going on all around the world in these past decades, you'd think there would be more stuff that people put together. I'm SURE there is more stuff, but...it just...vanishes. It's used once and then...AND THEN WHAT??? SOMEONE TELL ME!!!
Is there any way we could share these goodies? It would save me time!!! It would save YOU time!!! We would be all happy children of David!!!
I googled "aghhhh" and this is the image that I got. I have to say...it portrays the feeling quite well. Go therefore and molest your eyes.

Someone hold me.

Once again I remove myself from the planet earth

2008-10-22T14:25:00.002+09:00

Today I had word time with Kenny and Yuji and we read an old GN from the Techi series in part of my quest to rediscover the lost DBs (InfoStore, that bully).
Somewhere within the sections about loving the imperfect people that try to help you, I got lost in an exhortation about how wonderful it is that we, in the Family, are privileged to know how to love imperfect people. To know how to love them, not in spite, but all the more because of their imperfections. To know that I love you, you love me, and we deserve each other's love whilst being absolutely undeserving.
A little while ago Yumi, a General Member of our fine Family, was expostulating to Yuji about the reason why the Family is a lifestyle to be coveted. "You're all so good at loving!" She said. "Everyone in the world wants to be loved and needs to be loved, but is so HETAKUSO. " (New and improved definition of hetakuso: Absolutely and hilariously pathetic at it.)
It's so true! We're like little love lovers. Little worms of love that wiggle in and out of love soil. More than all of this Home Schooling Vocational Training stuff, we should put "Some Serious Love Knowledge, Homies" at the top of our Resumes.
The most beautiful thing about this extra capability of ours is that it's like the spider-web that we spiders crawl on. It's like, "Whoops, little Sylvester-Spider-boy fell a bit, but the spider-web caught him, as always. Praise God for those silken strands!!" It's our means by which we let go of each other, and thereby hold on to each other. It's your extra invisible hand that reaches out and encourages me. It's my invisible foot that holds the door open for you. The under-the-table KGB top-secret that says "Hey, the little of you that's left under all of the rest of that crud and junk is not so bad. Your heart still beats sort of the same as mine does, and that's wild."
Let's not forget that love is our ministry, people. If you can amass your handymen and get them to stop hammering beams for a second, and get your secretaries to stop hammering their keyboards, and your mothers to stop hammering their children, and distracted couples to stop hammering each other (whoa WHOA FLORENCE WHOA), then let's all have a second of hug-time and remember that WE NEED EACH OTHER. I haven't got the motivation, the ability, the self-discipline, to stay in this Family of ours without love from you. I need your support, your inspiration, your encouragement. I love you, hetakuso as my loving is.
I think that's wild.

A thought from the sky

2008-10-19T21:49:00.003+09:00

Once again, I am skittish about posting too much about the goings on of my life and my home, since most of it involves other people, and I am mostly just skittish about posting about other people on my blog. It feels almost as strange as talking about someone and not realizing it and having it been caught on camera and shown to that person later. I'm not saying bad things...it just feels weird.
I noticed there are a lot of people who are much less conservative in this area. Perhaps I am strangely unlike everyone else and someone will comment to tell me so.

The Amazing Finger Miracle

2008-10-18T14:15:00.003+09:00

Today I thwacked myself with one of our kitchen knives. It came at my finger at full speed, careening through the air like a rocket. When it landed on my precious tender bodypart, I yelped with fear and terror and thought it was the end--all had been lost. No more holding things quite as securely as before (since the finger is an integral link in the chain of holding), no more of those heavenly massages that I am so good at giving, no more being of ANY use. I'd have to train another one of my fingers to cover J H Y U N and M, and overload all the other already over-extended fingers.
When I recoiled to survey the damage, I discovered to my delight that my finger had not in fact been cleavered clean into the past. In fact, there it remained, clinging fervently to my hand as it always has.
The happening of all happenings to punctuate this story, is that, where one would usually lose a limb from such a slice, I have instead gained a bruise. No loss, my friends, GAIN. I am amazed.

A stirring news update

2008-10-10T17:04:00.004+09:00

Things are quite busy, my friends. As much as I would love to tuck myself into the pocket of time with a computer and a bucket-full of blog-post ideas, I am riding on the head of the present and poking a toothpick into the eye of the future. If you are sailing somewhere in The Future, beware the crossfire.
And while I am being a faithful plodder for God, my friends are fighting battles, having babies, and starting homes, and I am reminded of what a beautiful thing it is to all plod in the same direction. Hi five!!!
You probably won't be hearing from me within the next couple of days because I will be especially busy, but I appreciate your positive thought-beams (or prayers, depending on how godly you are) and any and all "Good morning!" SMSes (and presents of CHEESE). I really love you.

Loving Feelings

2008-10-07T16:10:00.002+09:00

So. What's up?
I had a birthday a little while ago, and even though I was too busy to expostulate in too much detail about it here in this lonely corner of the cyber-universe, it was nothing short of spectacular and love-filled, and it made me VERY happy. It reminded me once again that no where else in the world would anyone receive this much love on their birthday (unless they were rich or otherwise being sucked up to) but in the Family. You're the best!!!

THANK YOU

Steve
Nozo
Marz
Jan
Marie C.
Joshet
Jay and Maria
Mike and Joanie
Mom and Dad
Kana and Mama
Lilly
Sam and Leika
Gabe and Winnie
Isaac and Joanna
Al-pal
Marie Giustini
Jonie
Joyce
Munchie
All the kids in my home
Tomo and Nao
Jewel
Mana
Mitsuru
Yuki
Masa
Hiki
Meg
Haven
Sam W.
Celeste
Ambie
Michael Basham
Sunny
Farrah
Aika

Finally a new profile photo

2008-10-03T12:02:00.002+09:00

This photo is called: Hi. I'm Florence. I'm 19. I look like I should be on a prairie somewhere.
Alternate title: The remedy for uneven eyebrows. (What's YOUR evil secret?)

Yo ho ho and a bottle of JD

2008-09-29T09:19:00.004+09:00

Florence, on her birthday evening, feels quite generous, bites the bullet and poses for Dan's Jack Daniels advertisement. Withholding your beauty from your camera-wielding younger brothers is never a way to go, children! Share the love!
(Also, don't be surprised when you turn out looking a little less romantic and stunning than you intended. Also, don't be surprised when the brother in question decides to superimpose red lipstick onto lips upon which there had previously been no red lipstick. Also, don't be surprised if you look like a Russian woman following the smell of her KGB lover.)
And here is an extra picture for you of Dan's fine arts: A Unicef-worthy picture of African hands reaching into a peanut butter bowl.

Robbie

2008-09-25T13:26:00.003+09:00

The Gem of the Century: A man that we all know and love, looking quite spiffy, and--none can deny--quite Steve-like (enough to give you the heebeejeebees).