S.S 18

It's all very very good. The only nit I could possibly pick is that it's a little overdue.
I even found something in the Letter Links that supports my Doctrine of Deletion.
So now that WE are all accountable...let us shoot straight.
Don't be a broken arrow, bro! (Look, I speak Toyota. Hehe.)
Stop reading this and go read it.

The following post contains NONE of the necessary photos, clever maxims, hilarious stories, romantic epiphanies, or groundbreaking news. It will forever go down in history as just another boring blog post.
Just thought you might want notice.

In order to keep these annoyingly irrelevant details of my life out of the majority of the blog posts--with sympathy for the reader, I decide to list them here for those interested in point form:
1. I cut my hair today. It's short.
2. I got a guitar. (Finally.)
3. I recorded my first piano track today. It's not Richard, but it makes me happy. Little steps. Little steps.
4. Golden week is coming up and I'm making a new card for everybody in the home. I personally am not really one for street witnessing, but it'll be fun over golden week to get out with the whole home. I'm looking forward to it.
5. Thinking of writing up big long blog posts on all sorts of things, but I just don't have it in me to write the sort of thing that requires editing and moving stuff around. I just want to relax and munch on my thoughts.
6. I'm saying goodbye to a lot of people recently. Being as I'm moving (middle of next month), I'm going to be saying goodbye to my home of 14 years, to Woody, to Faith and Fran, to Steve, to Rick. Emi's going to Mexico in a week or so--I won't have any more buddy to bake with and go on bike rides with. We sat on the scaffolding late last night (there's tons of scaffolding all around our house cause we're getting new siding put up) and ate fudge brownies and took tiny shots of Baileys (I bought a very tiny bottle).
(Psst: I used to be good at saying goodbye, but somehow I don't want to be good at it any more. I don't know why, but even though I'm not any more sad at saying bye bye to someone now than I was before, I want to miss them more. It's not that I want to be sad. Maybe I'm less proud now. Maybe now I realize that people deserve to know that they make a difference in my life.)
7. I'm reading Sherlock Holmes. Yummy.
8. I made it to Mochizuki and Daiso by myself (well, guiding Emi) for the first time the other day. Now that I've assured myself that I'm not absolutely dense when it comes to directions, I'm ready to get my license. Look out world. (Ha! Ha! Ha!)
9. I wonder what Elaina's doing.

Late last night you come a-rollin' across my mind

Half of the time we're gone but we don't know where,
And we don't know here.

Wish I was an English muffin
'Bout to make the most out of a toaster.

No good times, no bad times,
There's no times at all,
Just The New York Times,
Sitting on the windowsill
Near the flowers.

Architects may come and
Architects may go and
Never change your point of view.
When I run dry
I stop awhile and think of you

Time, see what's become of me
While I looked around for my possibilities.

You say, "What are ya made of?"
He says, "Can you repeat what you said?"
You'll say, "What are you afraid of?"
He'll say, "Nothin' neither 'live nor dead."

And then the band played
Out of nowhere, it was alright

(Bruce Springsteen, Simon and Garfunkel, Bob Dylan)

I apologize in advance for the following...

So we went on a walk (the four Suidens and I), and we discovered on the way that we had a stow-away.
A camera. Heh heh.
We start by taking meaningless pictures. (I mean what do you expect, the excitement of having a camera is quite too much for us to rein in just yet):

(actually, it was just windy)

Our first stop is the famed "Orange Store" or "Old Lady Store". We call it various names, none of which are its actual name "Tajiri Mart". It doesn't deserve to be a "Mart", it's about as Indian-looking a place as you can find around here. The gum on the gum rack has a serious layer of dust over it.
(HEY EM! Why didn't we take a picture of that?)

Now we're getting a little more objective:

I can read all the names beside the houses except THIS ONE. And it's always made me very angry that I am not able to read it. It's an odd name, to be sure. Someone do me the honors and tell me what it says.And now as we rest at Takoju, I will give you a little showing of Japanese currency. (None of the above bills, except the 5000 second from top, are actually in circulation.)
I have 4 Natsume Sousekis. (that's the handsome man on the old 1000 yen bill) I consider him to be MUCH more handsome than the new guy, whatever his name is, with the weird haircut.
The one at the top is a 100 yen bill, by the way. I think I'm showing the side that doesn't have tape on it. Heeheehee.
OH OH OH. And I discovered something. If you have a kid who picks their boogers or bites their nails or something, paint their fingernails purple with a marker. That way, they'll have purple teeth or purple nostrils. (I did not actually discover this by MISTAKE, but I did have to go through a little bit of an experiment to see if it did work.)
I also have the chubbiest hands ever. (Don't all of us McNair girls? It's Mom's fault I say.)

Now we're getting a little more creative:

Aaaaaand a picture of our beloved and universally defamed...


And I leave you.

The one where Florence explains

I have added two links. Figured if I didn't say something about em no one would ever notice.
Charissa is someone I knew from a long time ago, who eventually married (or as good as) my best friend and posts lots of stuff about him. Hahahahaha just kidding Cha, that's not the only reason I read your blog. I told you I'd link to you! I love you!

And okay, I really really inwardly battled this, and the side of me that struggled against posting this link was armed very meagerly, and so the opponent in glistening armor won and the link is posted. I don't know you, but I like reading godly things, and I think you sound like a very nice sister in the Lord. I promise that I am not a creepy voyeur. (I'll have to get this in writing).

I love you all!

PS: OH and since this is kind of an information-only post, I guess now's as good at time as any to say that Elaina no longer lives with me, and that is the reason for any number of irregular things that may happen, such as 1) my random burstage of "i miss you, Elaina" and other related subtle messages, 2) the unrestrained and sometimes off-the-beam and ungodly things I may say (because I no longer have a keeper to keep me in that area), and 3) the very small number of posts coming from Elaina. God knows what she's doing or how busy she is.

Much love upon our conjoined marriage and big, big, happy happy Family!
---Florence

I have decided...

Apologies are like constipation.
The longer you put it off, the harder and harder and harder it gets.
"I was wrong. I'm sorry." Very nearly as beautiful as forgiveness.

Love Stuff

You let lethargy come in and it keeps you from trying to step out and love others. It makes you get bugged too easily and you feel like it's your right because you're just a little sensitive to people's idiosyncrasies. But is that right? Is that living the Law of Love? Is that fighting with all you have within you? That is living like a Systemite who doesn't really care about his or her fellow man. You don't want to be that way, do you? You don't want to be unloving. You don't want to be someone who doesn't have any friends because she doesn't show herself friendly and loving, in season and out of season, right?
I want to give you love that covers all sins--that gives even when it doesn't feel like it, that smiles through the many tears, that cares and loves and gives again. How can you get this love? How can you go through each day with My love bursting out of your heart, soul, mind, ears, eyes, hands and mouth?--By reading My Word. By being so full of Me that nothing else can come out, that nothing else can come through. Do you want to be this way? Will you take up this challenge in your life to love, to give, to care?

Just a little sensitive to people's idiosyncrasies--oh boy that's me. Elaina knows. Oh man Elaina, remember how many times I'd go to you and my suppressed dislike for someone would always just...come out. Those times we tried to have conversations that were like "okay...no gossip..." "okay, let's be loving..." but it never worked did it. We weren't downright malicious, but oh we were good at silently relating our deep, underlying bias. We were like Jedis.
And I would always be the first one to dislike someone in our home. Always. Later on people might start getting irked by that person too...but I was always the first. I was always so eager to hop on the ball.
But then I do have pages and pages of PnP:

He's different, and it's not going to be of any use if you're sitting around and expecting him to change.
She needs love; the kind of love that means acceptance and friendship.
Make a concerted effort not to say or think bad or ungodly things about him. I can give you love for him. Pray that you can see him as I see him, as one of my dedicated children, and treat him with the love, caring and respect that I afford him.
etc etc

And then Einstein goes and says:

Nothing truly valuable arises from ambition or from a mere sense of duty; it stems rather from love and devotion towards man.

And because I want to be a winner:

Members of a winning Home feel responsible to work out any glitches, problems, and disagreements that come up in the Home. They realize that when you're living communally among people with different personalities and backgrounds, there are going to be misunderstandings, miscommunications, and problems that will arise. But winning teams don't just live with these challenges; they solve them.

It's a beautiful thing that comes of all of these trials every time. I could've taken The Lord of the Flies' advise and went the way of the easy-going. "Don't let it bother you." "Just give him his space." "You don't like him and you don't need to." "She's moving out in a few months, don't care so much."
But always, by pursuing the highest, by loving when it's hard to love, I earned a jewel. These friends that happen by "mistake"--the kind of people I ordinarily would not and did not get along with, are now some of my best friends. Great people. Wonderful people. People much better than me.
It makes me so ashamed to know that, the whole time I was battling this spite toward them, they thought I was a "nice person", and liked being around me. Figures. I'm just a volcano of hot, hot...steamy...smelly...lava.

And as ye would that men should do to you, do ye also to them likewise. For if ye love them which love you, what thank have ye? For sinners also love those that love them. And if ye do good to them which do good to you, what thank have ye? For sinners also do even the same. And if ye lend to them of which ye hope to receive, what thank have ye? For sinners also lend to sinners, to receive as much again. But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, hoping for nothing again; and your reward shall be great, and ye shall be the children of the Highest, for He is kind unto the unthankful and to the evil. ---Luke 6:31~35

UPDATE: You might read this and think "oh that's terrible that she's thinking this way, she's being so hard on herself, etc etc".
I know I'm just human--as are we all. Human love is limited, so I need more of the divine stuff. I consider the end of these little portions of life to have been victories, and I hope, that by God's good sweet-smelling grace, I can continue pursuing those victories. TYJ!!!

Brilliant Love

What a dream I had
Pressed in organdy
Clothed in crinoline
Of smoky burgundy
Softer than the rain

I wandered empty streets down
Past the shop displays
I heard cathedral bells
Tripping down the alleyways
As I walked on

And when you ran to me, your
Cheeks fleshed with the night
We walked on frosted fields
Of juniper and lamplight
I held your hand

And when I awoke
And felt you warm and near
I kissed your honey hair
With my grateful tears
Oh, I love you girl
Oh, I love you

Simon and Garfunkel

Sex Songs

I didn't actually intend to do this (write this up on my blog), but it suddenly became a point of much thought. And seeing as I had Em to venture into this project with, it became a little funner than it otherwise would've been alone.
So here you are, piggy-backing Joe: THE TOP ELEVEN LIST (of songs to usho usho to)
("And you're the expert?" "Wow! This must be all your years and years of experience speaking, Flo!" There. I said it for you, now shut up.)

11. Oh God, I Thank Thee (Angelite)
Regardless of the fact that so many people say this style is old...it still ignites. It really does. Cesco's music has been the brunt of so much criticism on the behalf of those many generous people who still can't seem to get over loudly critiquing Family music. But if there's anything to be said about the music it's that it is PASSIONATE. Fewf.
10. Ease It All (Heat)
It's got that steady rhythm. Don't know what to say exactly, but this song has always held it all for me. The kind of song you'd hear playing behind a passionate scene in a movie. Yeeeowch.
9. Beyond Compare (Embrace)
This song has been a favorite of mine for so many reasons. It is actually the only song that I've ever been able to pin as THE favorite at any time in my entire life. I don't know if I'd be able to say that for it now, since there are so many wonderful songs come out since then, and yet it's sticking as one of the best. Securing its place on this list, however, has got to be the fact that it's a loving Jesus song, with just enough power to make you move and softness to make you stop.
8. Sun of My Soul (Break Away)
The soft vocals, the gently lulling melody, the tingling of the guitar...
7. Oh, Pharisee (Alternative Man)
Niiiiiice...easy does it.
6. Follow On (Follow On)
I've always loved this song--the human qualities--that sort of tangible rasp versus the trembling softness of the music--the guitar is so deliciously whiny!!!
5. Diamond in the Rough (Heat)
Okay, I know I'm going to creep out certain people by saying this, but Vas's voice has got that...grating sort of...sexiness. Well, not always. But in this song especially. Thank you Jesus!!!
4. His Rays (Break Away)
Oh My God. NICE SONG!!! Setting aside the fact that I've always loved the way this song makes many people squirm...and it's just...such a NAKED song (!!!), it really reaches those...places.
3. Make My Heart Your Home (Oasis of Love)
Beautiful. Male and Female vocals entertwining throughout one of those melodies that can only be described as...carressing.
2. Choice in the Garden (Fulfillment)
I have no words. The only reason why this song didn't make it to #1 is because it has no vocalist. And...that would be cheating, because it's much easier to make a beautiful song with no voice issue. But this song...moves me...badly. The melody is so emotional. Not quite sad, but not quite happy. A healthy kind of happiness, like after a long hard journey through Middle Earth--finally making it to the other side of the mountains where you can live in peace forever. There's still that note of longing though--maybe the memory of things you left behind or the people who died to save your life. Stuff like that. That whole pot of fantastic emotions that you only feel watching other peoples' lives in movies. And then you hear this song and you feel like you're finally living these feelings yourself. Lifted on the wings of a thousand mixed emotions.
1. You Mean All the World To Me (Love Is the Sweetest Thing)
This song has been an on and off favorite, and the only reason it didn't stay a solid favorite forever is because I get bored of it after listening to it a million times a day, and then try to slip another song into the favorite place above it...but it never works out. Me and this song, we are meant to be.

MOST HONORABLE MENTION: This didn't fit anywhere on my top 11 list because it's just way too much of an "it-goes-without-saying"...but the ENTIRE Fulfilment and Fields of Freedom AKA Michael Piano's instrumentals. Yesssssirrreee.

The thought creeps me out:
Japanese songs
Songs that remind me of something sad or someone I miss (i.e. slow songs sung by my sister, the song "These Kinds of Questions" that reminds me of my longtime roomie and dear dear friend.)
Songs about death
(I was asked by someone (specifically, this one) if, whilst I was in the heat of the act, a song came on with one of my brothers singing, would I get creeped out?
The answer is no. I don't see what the problem is. But I'm pretty sure I can speak for all of my brothers when I say that if the situation were reversed, they would get creeped out. I have no idea why, and it really isn't fair.
Actually, then again, if I think about it, the sort of song that would creep me out the most is a song with ME singing. Wow. Maybe I just have one of those emotionally disturbing voices that people cannot think erotic thoughts to. Ouch.)

I've tried really hard not to be distracted by the thoughts of certain system songs that make me go "ahhhhh yummy yummy" when I think about them. So for the purpose of being 110% I've listed only Family songs. AHHH HALLELUJAH.

Something else I realized: All my favorite sex songs are sung by...well...men. Is this because I'm a female? Anyone care to enlighten me?

Whateveritis

Jess, Steve and I went out Sakura singing our last time today and it wasn't an altogether good day. In fact, it was a pretty bad day. We spent most of it sitting down playing the guitar in shifts and talking about music.
We came home, and on the way home in the car as I sipped my coffee I gave birth to this potent piece of...piece of...
Um...
Whateveritis.
(In my head, I kept seeing that super old nature documentary from the FED video store...the one about the salmon that go back to their birthplace to have their little child-salmon. I saw that so many times. It was actually pretty boring wasn't it. I never realized that before.)

THE POND INSIDE MY HEAD
I have a pond inside my head. It flourishes with fishes. I used to be proud of those fishes, back in the day when they used to be beautiful; a kind of orangeish species singular to this specific brain.
And then they started trying to get out. They knock and knock against the outer wall and disturb me in silence. When I access my brain in a lulling moment, I hear the sounds of violently whapping fins. It threatens to drive me insane. What is this fish with the dangerous beauty of an eel and the fervency of a salmon?
What happens now is I open my mouth in an effort to calm the disturbance inside my head. I have a moment of sweet relief; the fish are gone. They swim out into open waters. And then! they MATE with alien fish--the sperm of other minds, demented, like mine. And then they swim back into my pond to bear their young, to repopulate and take over my brain with their armies of spawn--that start out like little pieces of soil and explode into flapping fishes.
This next time around, I've barred up all the holds--there's no way out for those nympho-salmon. I expect a bit of banging against the fence for a few days--but once the worse is over and I've starved the suckers, I'll have a quiet and peaceful pond inside my head, and I expect that after three or more years the thought of dead, belly-up, bloated salmon drifting therein will not bother me so much.
Please be considerate and do not allow your fishes to knock against the outside of my fence, because that usually results in the excitement of the fish on the inside who I am trying desperately to subdue. They'll bang and bang and I won't be able to shut them up, and likely I'll hang my entire plan and let them all out again because it's just too much trouble. Please don't do that to me.
I'll open my stagnant pond to the sun, the little fish will degenerate and the rain will overflow my head and clean out all the moss and flotsam. I won't miss the fish. The water is beautiful.
---Florence McNair