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Monday, July 30, 2007

A random mental nugget

Rummaging through my quote books today, looking for good quotes to make into nice posters for the bathroom, I came across this quote that used to be one of my favorites.
"It does not take much of a man to be a Christian, but it takes all there is."
I've only recently begun to realize what that means.
One drawback of having known Jesus for so long is that I get familiar with Him sometimes, and expect more from Him than I deserve, without realizing that I don't deserve it; I take so much about this wonderful life for granted. Having just recently begun to "grow up" and face trials largely on my own, I realize how ignorant I am in so many areas--how much of being a good Christian is learning how to face the struggles and learning how to fight through them, just like learning Math. When the first ones come we're so shaken and debilitated and taken out, but we get better and better at fighting, and we learn more and more about ourselves.
I realized that I got confused and disillusioned with God when I didn't get the things I asked of Him. I had faith, and I believed that miracles were as real as any other part of my every-day life, but somehow my faith wasn't always enough. I lost a lot of my faith wondering why I didn't get the things I needed, the miracles I asked for, the things I thought would be good for me.
I would give some works and expect some blessings; I would make a little sacrifice and expect an even miracle. I would think in terms of giving and getting, like as if God was the cashier behind the counter that would give me goods in exchange for my cash.
But...since his love and blessings are infinitely priceless, how does that work?
I've come to realize that the only currency worth His time is total sacrifice, and total yieldedness. When I give all, He gives all. He isn't bothered with petty change.

I spent a long time wondering how valuable God's promises are, and exactly what it was that He could do for me, and what I would get out of giving everything to Him. I guess I thought I should get some idea of the blessings before I cashed in my cheques, like little tasters at the supermarket. I know now that my cheques were nothing to me until I cashed them; my life was like useless pieces of paper without the Lord's substance.
I spent a long time half-hoping and half-waiting on the Lord. He finally told me that I couldn't "half" any longer. He doesn't help those who have backup plans. He's not on the menu as a side-dish.
I spent a long time pinching my pennies, giving a little of this and a little of that, scrounging out what I thought I could afford. But the Lord isn't a scrooge, and he expects an even exchange. If He's going to give me anything at all, He wants to give me everything; so if He's going to get anything from me at all, He wants everything. How stupid of me to stiff Him by giving Him anything less than everything. How can I expect Him to be pleased when I drop pennies in His hat as if He were a beggar, when He is the richest Billionaire in the Universe?
I have to say that this is probably what I consider to be the most milestone realization in a long time: the only way to get anything from God is to give everything to God. But the everything we get in return is...definitely Wow. (Worth Our While. Hahahaha! Hey! That was like a "What's better than one revolution for Jesus?" kind of joke! Hahaha!)

Saturday, July 28, 2007

Sweaty Story

Yesterday I got back from the AIP celebration, and I have to say, Yesterday was totally a "yo sup" kind of day. Very cool, very mentally relaxed.
Headbanging is so mentally relaxing. You couldn't do it if your mind was still running, because otherwise you'd be concentrating on the heat, the tiredness in your legs, the pain in your neck, and the lack of oxygen in the room. So you turn off your mind and jump like there's no manana. Hey, I wonder if banana was actually pronounced banyana before we americanized it (cool thought).
Of course the next day you wish you hadn't relaxed so much and had been a bit more responsible about the whole thing--you know, deciding on a moshing quota and getting someone to check you when you've had enough--so that you don't have to face the shattering pain in your neck (body) the next day.
I've got the weirdest sore muscle just below my shoulder. And it feels just plain creepy. Like, what was I doing to make that muscle sore? I must've been flinging my arm in some quasi way. God. Kathy Smith is totally focusing on all the wrong muscles.

Today I'm going to a party where I don't really know what I'll be doing. But I have to be smart and sleek and not let on to anyone that I am suffering all over on account of mindless moshing. On the other hand, I do also have this absolutely SHOT frog voice that I have to account for. My voice is hoarse from too much concern for impoverished Africans...too much stress over the state of our nation, society, youth, etc.

All that to say, MJM really rocked my socks. Red as an Indian, special fountain effects, "just noise", it all worked out quite well. <---man worship. Kick me, Aich.

Monday, July 23, 2007

Algorithm Taiso

I don't really understand what it is about Japanese humor that doesn't click with some people. I find it to be utter perfection. It gives me such a feeling of peace and safety in my fine culture. I feel so safe among Japanese people. Their sense of humor makes the MOST sense. It's just so natural!

SOMETHING ELSE I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT: Guys wear tight jeans, talk kinda intellectual, make funny jokes, have a "sensitive" nature, or act not-quite-so-manly, and then everyone REALIZES it and calls them GAY.
Girls wear baggy clothes and play tons of sports and don't like hanging out with other girls and talk like guys and say vulgar things and get violent...
How come no one calls them LESBIANS?

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Sink or Swim

Sink or Swim
You're gonna love it.

Comment from Abner:
Thanks Shun for the whoppin lead.
Thanks Steve for the drums and mix job. You're the best.


Wednesday, July 18, 2007

The moment of truth

The reason I put off posting my desktop for the last couple of days.

In other news (ahem), I've been doing Shakey's, art, Exercise for Life, Tae-bo, childcare, bible movies, and lots of Word.
So don't worry about me!!! I'm doing faiiin!

Saturday, July 14, 2007

Shondo Burrondo

I'm having a nice prayer day today.

I think I can learn to get into this whole posting desktops thing.

Lots of love.

Friday, July 13, 2007

Lots of words!

Yesterday Kazu, Ken and I spent the day at the warehouse, boxing up tool orders. Lots of fun, for some odd reason. Probably because it was the first and last time we'll do that. Excuse me while I have myself a wee weep.
Today is a clean up day. Something that, at the HCS, would probably be called Constructive Get-out, and at FDTP would be Community Service. For us here, it's just plain old clean-up, with no glamor or glory. The best way.
I don't have so much to blog about lately, I'm realizing. I live a normal Family life--up and down, but never too up and never too down. Actually, there are a lot of "too up"s, but they're the sort of ups that you can't really blog about.
Like FDTP, for example. How do you blog about that? A feast for the spirit was all it was. It's so boring when people blog about food. I could always post a "foodie photo" of an FDTP class sheet or something. But that would be like, "um, yeah". Kind of like this stupid sentence where I'm even thinking about it is "um, yeah".
Let's see. Other ups. Oh! At FDTP I was part of an exclusive club of a few brave men who would wake up at 4 in the morning and come out to the field to watch the sunrise. We had LJ time, praise time, and then a few seconds of just plain talk before we'd get tired and decide that it was time to hit the sack again. Once someone showed up with a guitar and aired the strange notion that I could play it. I struggled to please him, and he was generous about the whole thing. But that was definitely an up. All the Spirit, coupled with the morning, coupled with the brotherhood. Good stuff. Thrilling in a very gratifying and pleasing sort of way.
Since coming back from FDTP I've tried to launch into my work, but my work is getting steadily more frightening. I'm faced with the possibility of being thrust into ministries that I never thought I'd be capable of. It's such a fright to have people think you're capable of something when you don't feel like you are. And then you have to do the humble thing and struggle to learn it by faith, because the Lord tells you that's the right thing to do, and you secretly know it too. I guess we'll see what happens. I can always let the little failures work their humility magic on me.
And here is a happy present for you. My desktop for the day. HAVE A NICE NICE DAY.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Just a little more love

Just a little designated gift for Niki:

Another little des-gift for Haven:

I shed a tear for the many beautiful ACTONites whose photos I cannot post. May all of you get a chance to see their beautifulness someday.

Monday, July 09, 2007

I will proceed to drown this post

A lingering lilt of longing
Between lips tightly pressed together
On the hot tip of a
On a fading breath.

The searing burn of
An imagined patience; like
Holding hands, and waiting to
A lost moment.

The cleverly buried,
Beneath discarded clothes.
But unguarded minds
That slight grimace.

The invisible sensation
Of nakedness, of submitting
To the power of a demanding
Over and over.

A lingering lilt of longing
Between lips that felt, briefly
The surrender of
Poignant, unrelenting.

Florence 2007

Thursday, July 05, 2007

Honorable Mention

The happy boy in the above photo is Abner. Someone recently told me that I "blasted" him a lot. I don't actually remember ever really blasting him, but, if I did (and I might be the sort of person that blasts without knowing it), he deserves big hugs for still liking me. I miss you, and don't make me feel bad about not having said it before. It's so weird, I bet you'd actually hate being mentioned in random on my blog. And now you have to up and pull a sen-si on me.
And since I'm already on the subject, maybe I should do some publicity about his heavy metal.
Or...maybe not.

Here are another few honorable photos of honorable people:

And that's all that I have the energy to post. Goodnight.

Sunday, July 01, 2007

So basically

So. FDTP. Basically you all know how that goes down, and there's no point in me trying to recount it all.
I was there for a total of 28 days.
I have lots of pictures that I don't think I'll post.
I spent the morning typing out wonderful prophecies that were received for me.
I have become very attached to my laptop. Already, getting prophecies on paper seems very daunting to me.
I miss Aika.
I miss the Actonese that I'll never ever see again.
Hopefully I can conjure up an interesting blog post sometime soon.
Okay, here is a GP picture of my computer in my FDTP bedroom, next to an HCS cup.