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Sunday, September 30, 2007

Some thoughts on koala's march

As I was eating Koala's March today I noticed several strange things about this animal-esque snack:
Number one is that, even though I actually have no burden for them, I remember receiving a huge box for my last birthday, also. Which is very strange. Almost twisted. I actually really don't like these. But who gives away a birthday snack? Someone come into my room right now and take them from me please.
I have a box with all English on it, and by this I deduce that it must be an imported box. It's always a funny feeling to be eating an imported originally-Japanese snack in Japan. It's like someone went out of their way to detour them to you. Like a twisted sort of long-walk-part-of-gift.
It has a little "save the koala" logo on the corner of the box, which I find to be a fairly annoying irony seeing as I am suddenly made to feel guilty about the fact that I am heartily devouring the koalas at this very moment.
I just ate, not one, but TWO koalas with absolutely ZERO chocolate in them. That was nothing but a weird hallow cardboard-like cookie. Or cracker, I should say. What is this?

Saturday, September 29, 2007

once again, amazed by turd

For the past few days my status message on Yahoo messenger has been "gone unless you're a turd".
Obviously, this means that I am too busy to talk with anyone unless it is the aforementioned turd.
It's amazing how many people have popped up to tell me "Hello, I am a turd."
I had no idea there were so many people in the world who felt this way about themselves. Maybe a band named "Iamaturd" would really take off since it would appeal to everyone's inner desire to be recognized as a turd.

I have a dream

This is kind of dumb. But I was thinking.
What do I have a blog for?

I think I more or less feel sorry for the sort of people that (like myself) have to wait ages for this to download or that to upload or this person to hurry up and call and I find myself sitting at the computer with an unprecedented boredom for several moments, and surfing the internet to blogs that are either never ever updated or even more boring than the initial boredom that made me surf the internet in the first place.
Inhale. Exhale.
And then I wish that I could upload free candy onto the internet for all tired, lonely, and bored people to come by and take. I wish that I could make a little tetris widget so that special people can come by and exercise their speedy fingers. I wish I could post a little happy smile for everybody.
But I can't. So I try to write little short words of love for people to smile at. But my brain has been REAL dead recently. You have no idea.
In any case, hopefully, you are one of those macabre people like me who laugh to watch an almost-dead brain spazzing and squirming in a puddle of purple goo.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

September 27

I was going to be lazy and write something like "So here I am, having survived another year, bloodied but unbowed..." Something normal.
But then I realize, taking everything into account, the bad that happened to me, the bad that happened to the people that I love, and all the good...
The strange, the difficult, the bottle-breaking, the surprising, the amazing, the thrilling, the quieting, the awe-inspiring, the wearisome, the unending---
It has all been a perfect gift. I would not change a thing. I wish there were more days in the year so that I could keep this pattern going just a little longer.
Every day you may make progress. Every step may be fruitful. Yet there will stretch out before you an ever-lengthening, ever-ascending, ever-improving path. You know you will never get to the end of the journey. But this, so far from discouraging, only adds to the joy and glory of the climb.--Sir Winston Churchill

Sunday, September 23, 2007

Hey hey you you I suck up to the Japanese market!

Just as a bonus shiner prizer for Steve:
Avril singing her sweet rip-off song in Japanese.

Why I love Jesus

I am now the proud owner of my very own Niki / toilet paper shirt. The exact same.
I swiped it after spying it for a second on the top of a pile at a flea market. For 150 yen. A second was all it took. It shone in the forefront of my brain like a bright beacon of a long-forgotten light.
Natch!
Now, Niki, we are totally outfitted to perform a ballet routine at the next Wordstock. You pay for my plane ticket, and I'll take care of the tutus.

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Hey! The monster is talking! Show some respect!

Download it, humans! (LINK WILL TAKE YOU TO A GIANT HOLE IN THE GROUND WHERE YOU CAN DIG UP SOME "TO THE DEATH") You know you wanna!
Huge(ish) congratulations to Abner for getting it done on time. You are one lucky fellow, that everything sort of fell into place for you. Sure, sure, you'll say you did more than enough grunting it through, but I am of the opinion that you were born lucky and will continue to slip through life in like fashion. Be a happy metalist. And have fun journeying through this world of woe.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

To Lovely

Has it really been a whole year since your last birthday? It seems like such little time actually spent together, but I have to say that it seems like a few years worth of closeness. We always were quick at that.
And here I am, wearing nothing but green nail polish, green underwear and a green t-shirt, contriving a post to commemorate your...greenness. (Actually, just contriving a way to randomly mention my expert color-coordination)
With no further ado, allow me to weave a web of shimmering congratulations. Here, one endless strand of memories; there, one endless string of love; everywhere, little splays of the color and happiness that I have as a result of having known you, and having been fortunate enough to be a short stratagem in the great web that is you.
Happy birthday, Chiyoko Davina McNair.

Good morning, I'm so lucky to love you.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

the last stand

I've always had this weird need in the last few days before I turn a certain age (definitely something as significant as whole age brackets) to try to get as many amazing things done as possible so that I can say I did it when I was a SR teen, as opposed to, I did it when I was a YA.
But this time, I really don't have much to do. And that's either because
A) I don't procrastinate as much as I did before, or
B) I'm not as much of an insane dreamer.
I really have no idea which it is. But I'm concerned.
If you can think of something brilliant and earth-shaking that I can do within 8 days, please let me know.

Sunday, September 16, 2007

disney on ice

So yesterday we went to Disney on ice.
Which is a bunch of Disney characters ice skating around. It actually was worth a pretty good mention. It was quite entertaining, and the skaters were quite pro. All that to say, I enjoyed watching Cinderella and Prince Charming, Snow White and Prince Charming, Beauty and Prince Charming, etc.
On the way home I bought an ice cream and Jo and Dan were trying to pester me for about an hour into giving them bites. It was quite funny.

Jo: "Florence, if I say 'I love you' really close to your ear, will you give me a bite?"
Florence: "Hahahahaha! I don't know, you could try and see."
Jo: "Not unless I'm sure I'll get something out of it."

Jo: "Florence!!! I'm so lonely! There are no girls around here! Do you feel sorry for me?"

Jo: "Florence! I'll let you touch my hair if you give me a bite!"
Florence: LAUGHING
Jo: "NOT THAT HAIR."
Florence: LAUGHING EVEN HARDER

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Pop goes my hip joint

We just saw "Music and Lyrics" the other day, with Hugh Grant and Drew Barrymore. It was one of those euphoria moments for the movie committee who usually get movies that either the girls like or the boys like or the adults like or the teens like and end up leaving someone not so thrilled with the choice. Because everyone actually enjoyed this one. And here I was thinking those days were over.
And everyone is singing this song now. It's lethal, we can't get it out of our heads.

Sunday, September 09, 2007

Welcome, hamsters

So we have two new little hamsters who have joined us in our hamster cage--Jo and Kazue. Kazue is currently holed up in my room enjoying life with me and my big bottle of Kahlua (weep, my friends). Actually, it's a big bottle with about three centimeters left in the bottom of it. I plan to pour it over ice cream and spend several hours exploring that girly past time.
And I love you.

*** MORE CRUMBS

Florence McNair: that's the twisted thing about me and you
Florence McNair: you care more about me than you do about yourself
Florence McNair: and i care more about you than i do about myself
Florence McNair: in which case
Florence McNair: neither of us will be very effective at helping the other
*****: yeh
Florence McNair: which...blows
*****: like the airplaine
*****: they always tell you to put on your oxygen mask before helping someone else
*****: ...which makes sense
Florence McNair: yeh
*****: cause if you die while helping someone else
*****: ....not much help
*****: in all my stupidity i still say, id do it for you first
Florence McNair: yeah
Florence McNair: bastard
*****: i love you
Florence McNair: i love you too

Friday, September 07, 2007

Under The Influence

Sittin' here in a liquor mood
Counting seconds dripping by
Trying to write a song about love
But love don't seem to rhyme
Tonight inside my head that's full of wine
There's nothing at the bottom of an empty life

Just a little black and white flicker
A tantalizing motion picture
Of the one I love when I'm under the influence

It's funny how realizations come
When you're in a mood that you can't trust
Funny how these ideas hang on
Funny how some people are always getting lost
Inside a forest of shadowy thoughts
But you always knew your way around us
Tonight inside my head that's full of wine
There's nothing at the bottom of an empty life

Just a little black and white flicker
A tantalizing motion picture
Of the one I love when I'm under the influence

You'll make sense of me again before long
After you've forgotten all my drunken songs
Before you know it I'll be moving right along
From a place I don't remember to a place I don't belong

Thursday, September 06, 2007

A little birthday weep

I want to dedicate this post to my parents.
Somehow it doesn't feel like I can give anything any real importance or depth when I post it here. This blog isn't really a golden pedastal, but it's all I've got. So I guess this is what I do. If I were a famous singer, I would write them a song and sing it in front of millions of people. If I were a famous talk show host I would deliver a special soliloquy to my zillions of viewers. But I'm just Florence, so I will write something small on my blog. Whether I were famous or not, the words would probably be the same, anyway--and even if I want the whole world to know how wonderful my parents are, when it comes down to it, it's probably just fine as long as they know that this is how I feel.
Mom and Dad, I love you both very much. You're both sooo polar; it's interesting how I can love you both so much, or that I wouldn't prefer one of you over the other. Where would I be without Mom's silly way of making me feel warm and cared for? Where would I be without Dad's hugeness, Dad's solid mind that you just sort of...know (wow, that was messy).
I owe you both so much. I owe Mom my fleeting bursts of inspiration and emotion (which you can have back anytime, by the way), and silly sort of easy-going permissiveness that gets me into a lot of trouble, riding my benefit-of-doubt here, there and everywhere. But I also owe her my color, my confidence, my expressiveness, my nature.
Dad, I owe you a lot about me. I don't know how to say a lot of it without sounding like I have a rosy opinion of myself, since a lot of what you gave me is just plain wonderful. Mom gave me a desire to express myself, and you gave me a way to do it. You gave me my curiosity, my hunger for more. You gave me any bit of determination that I have in me; you gave me a desire to be strong no matter what. You trusted me, and taught me how to be deserving of that trust. You made me feel important. You made me feel wonderful.
The most beautiful thing about you is that neither of you are perfect. I think it's only the fact that you were my parents and I had no choice in the matter that made me try to love you as hard as I did. And now you are all the more wonderful to me because of the things that I understand about you, the things that I remember, the things that you forgive, and the things that I forgive. You really are remarkable people--you should hear your sons do publicity about you. It's funny that as we all get old enough to step away from the trees, we see this humungous beautiful forest that we've been blessed to live in for so many years.
I definitely am blessed to live with you guys and be so close to you guys this past year or so. I don't know if you know that I know, but I know. I always know. I read your e-mails. Because I care. (hahahahahahahahaha!!!)
I'm kidding. I don't know much. But I know that, with all the things that you've been struggling to change, and with all the changes that happened automatically, you have been polished and shine even more brilliantly than you ever did. If only everyone that knew you in the past could come and see you now. You've very beautiful people. I will go upstairs and hug you now.

Daddy, Mommy, as overly poetic and dramatic as this may sound, thank you for taking the journey with me. Thank you for being the perfect parents--I can't imagine a more perfect set of guardians and teachers for me.

Happy birthday, you two young folks.

Sunday, September 02, 2007

Don't worry!!!

Here's to all my friends who are worrying. Stop worrying, dammit! Just be happy!
Here's looking at you, Gabe!

Saturday, September 01, 2007

Crumbs

I didn't post anything day before yesterday because it was Steve's birthday and I wouldn't have been able to get away with anything other than a birthday post. And since we all know that birthday posts are an absolute bore, I spared us all. I whipped out my silence and scrubbed the place clean.
Now I'm dropping crumbs.

* * *

Florence McNair: my love for you is like...
******: Like a star.
Florence McNair: Like a star!!!
******: As bright as a star.
Florence McNair: Yes! Yes!
Florence McNair: are you sure that's a good one?
******: Sure. As corny as it is to talk about stars, since I don't know the first thing about them. My love for you is as big and bright and everlasting as a star.
Florence McNair: I dunno. There's an awful lot of empty space and darkness between me and those stars.
******: ...
******: You just killed it.
******: You always kill it. You took it and mashed it like a potato.
Florence McNair: That's because I like mashed potatos. And I wanted to eat you.
******: ????????
******: Whoa, okay, your idea of romantic conversation is wayyy weird.
Florence McNair: That's because I prefer to save romantic conversation for when I feel like I need it. When I'm insecure and sad.
******: What if I'm insecure and sad?
Florence McNair: Oh that's different. I'll be romantic now.
******: You can't TELL ME you're going to be romantic before you be romantic.
Florence McNair: Really? Shucks. Shall we just stop talking and have cybersex?
******: Okay.