Love Stuff

You let lethargy come in and it keeps you from trying to step out and love others. It makes you get bugged too easily and you feel like it's your right because you're just a little sensitive to people's idiosyncrasies. But is that right? Is that living the Law of Love? Is that fighting with all you have within you? That is living like a Systemite who doesn't really care about his or her fellow man. You don't want to be that way, do you? You don't want to be unloving. You don't want to be someone who doesn't have any friends because she doesn't show herself friendly and loving, in season and out of season, right?
I want to give you love that covers all sins--that gives even when it doesn't feel like it, that smiles through the many tears, that cares and loves and gives again. How can you get this love? How can you go through each day with My love bursting out of your heart, soul, mind, ears, eyes, hands and mouth?--By reading My Word. By being so full of Me that nothing else can come out, that nothing else can come through. Do you want to be this way? Will you take up this challenge in your life to love, to give, to care?

Just a little sensitive to people's idiosyncrasies--oh boy that's me. Elaina knows. Oh man Elaina, remember how many times I'd go to you and my suppressed dislike for someone would always just...come out. Those times we tried to have conversations that were like "okay...no gossip..." "okay, let's be loving..." but it never worked did it. We weren't downright malicious, but oh we were good at silently relating our deep, underlying bias. We were like Jedis.
And I would always be the first one to dislike someone in our home. Always. Later on people might start getting irked by that person too...but I was always the first. I was always so eager to hop on the ball.
But then I do have pages and pages of PnP:

He's different, and it's not going to be of any use if you're sitting around and expecting him to change.
She needs love; the kind of love that means acceptance and friendship.
Make a concerted effort not to say or think bad or ungodly things about him. I can give you love for him. Pray that you can see him as I see him, as one of my dedicated children, and treat him with the love, caring and respect that I afford him.
etc etc

And then Einstein goes and says:

Nothing truly valuable arises from ambition or from a mere sense of duty; it stems rather from love and devotion towards man.

And because I want to be a winner:

Members of a winning Home feel responsible to work out any glitches, problems, and disagreements that come up in the Home. They realize that when you're living communally among people with different personalities and backgrounds, there are going to be misunderstandings, miscommunications, and problems that will arise. But winning teams don't just live with these challenges; they solve them.

It's a beautiful thing that comes of all of these trials every time. I could've taken The Lord of the Flies' advise and went the way of the easy-going. "Don't let it bother you." "Just give him his space." "You don't like him and you don't need to." "She's moving out in a few months, don't care so much."
But always, by pursuing the highest, by loving when it's hard to love, I earned a jewel. These friends that happen by "mistake"--the kind of people I ordinarily would not and did not get along with, are now some of my best friends. Great people. Wonderful people. People much better than me.
It makes me so ashamed to know that, the whole time I was battling this spite toward them, they thought I was a "nice person", and liked being around me. Figures. I'm just a volcano of hot, hot...steamy...smelly...lava.

And as ye would that men should do to you, do ye also to them likewise. For if ye love them which love you, what thank have ye? For sinners also love those that love them. And if ye do good to them which do good to you, what thank have ye? For sinners also do even the same. And if ye lend to them of which ye hope to receive, what thank have ye? For sinners also lend to sinners, to receive as much again. But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, hoping for nothing again; and your reward shall be great, and ye shall be the children of the Highest, for He is kind unto the unthankful and to the evil. ---Luke 6:31~35

UPDATE: You might read this and think "oh that's terrible that she's thinking this way, she's being so hard on herself, etc etc".
I know I'm just human--as are we all. Human love is limited, so I need more of the divine stuff. I consider the end of these little portions of life to have been victories, and I hope, that by God's good sweet-smelling grace, I can continue pursuing those victories. TYJ!!!