Things I've Been Up To

What's better--a boring blog post, or none at all?
Since I happen to be the lucky owner of this blog, I get to answer that question, and while there is no real conclusive answer, the answer for today is "a boring blog post." So here I race!
Things I've been up to:

>>Attending (and staffing) Ken and Natacha's wedding. Which was good fun, good food, and good blisters. Highlights include: romping around with Mike D., singing in French (???) and harmonizing "I'm Yours" with Gabe, having storytime with the kids afterward in a half-dead aspirined-out state of mind, embarassing myself in front of guests with my strange inability to speak the right language at the right time, getting to know Ken and Natacha who I am very happy to be moving in with soon.


>>Designing a new Christmas CD for production in Japan.

>>Finally getting around to tying up the loose ends with TCD approved songs "Remember Me" and "Stupid Things"
>>Anticipating a huge home move in the beginning of August. Packing/forsaking things.
>>Laying out WOW #6

>>Praying desperately against a seriously unwelcome nerve/muscle cramp in my hand that acts up every time I need to use my computer. (You. Also. Pray. Yes?) I may need to think about changing the way my stuff is set up.
>>Dying my hair. (This is really a very anticlimactic tale. For all of you who know me and know I've never dyed my hair before, you'd probably imagine something really exciting. It was really exciting when it was going in and when I was washing it out, but when all was said and done, it was still sort of the same color, except a duller, greyer, strangely purple-tinted version of my previous dirty blonde hair. I just went and kind of...blahed it out, I guess. Definitely not the intended product. Must fix.)
>>Praying in some funds for an MP3 player.
>>Missing my friends (and my phone).
>>Drawing a picture of Jesus.
>>Baking cookies!! (You'd never believe it, but I baked whole batches and batches that were ALL eaten by real humans!!)

Listen and Live

The love of her life is drifting away
They're losing the fight for another day
The life that she's known is falling apart
A fatherless home, a child's broken heart

Just love her like Jesus, carry her to Him
His yoke is easy, His burden is light
You don't need the answers to all of life's questions
Just know that He loves her and stay by her side
Love her like Jesus
Love her like Jesus

The gifts lie in wait, in a room painted blue
Little blessing from Heaven would be there soon
Hope fades in the night, blue skies turn to grey
As the little one slips away

You're holding their hand, you're straining for words
You're trying to make sense of it all
They're desperate for hope, darkness clouding their view
They're looking to you

Just love them like Jesus, carry them to Him
His yoke is easy, His burden is light
You don't need the answers to all of life's questions
Just know that He loves them and stay by their side
Love them like Jesus

Lord of all creation holds our lives in His hands
The God of all the nations holds our lives in His hands
The Rock of our salvation holds our lives in His hands
He cares for them just as He cares for you

So love them like Jesus, love them like Jesus
You don't need the answers to all of life's questions
Just know that He loves them and stay by their side
Love them like Jesus
Love them like Jesus

Kokoro No Kotae MV

Once and for all, for those people who are continuously asking me for "the link to that music video with you in it!"



The reason I hadn't posted it until now is because it wasn't really anything that I had anything to do with besides just...standing around in it. Yosh (the genius) had the idea for it and coordinated every minute of the 6 (or so) hours that we spent on it. I had lots of fun just looking goofy in front of the camera.
And I figure, since it's a witnessing song, here are the words and chords for ya'll.
And, just for fun, here is the audio file.

Have A Nice Day

I'm always idealistically (foolishly) attempting these projects that involve me doing some kind of search on the internet for clever quotes. I happened to discover today that wikiquote has a massive database of all the quotes that have ever been submitted as "Anonymous." Here are some that made me perk up this morning.

• But what about my obstacles? Feint left, run right. Charge like a mopapotamus. Blast with lasers. Drag along. Pretend not there. Surmount.
• All That Glitters Is Not Gold, There's Brass And Copper Or It Might Be Plated!
• Build something that's foolproof and they invent a better fool.
• Cancel my subscription, I don't need your issues.
• Contrary to what the cynics say, distance is not for the fearful, it is for the bold. It's for those who are willing to spend a lot of time alone in exchange for a little time with the one they love. It's for those knowing a good thing when they see it, even if they don't see it nearly enough.
• Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.
• Deaf people can do anything other people can do except hear. (????)
  
• Don't drink water... Fish have sex in it!
• Even the mighty oak tree was just a little nut once, just like you.
• He who laughs last thinks slowest.
• He’s as sharp as a beach ball.
• Hold my beer and watch this!
• I can tune a guitar, but I can't tuna fish.
• I don't have an attitude problem: you have a perception problem!
• It is easier to create naked art than it is to create clothed porn. (????)
• If a man speaks in a forest, but no woman is around to hear him, is he still wrong?
• If the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
• I intend to live forever – so far, so good!
• I'm pink, therefore, I'm spam!
• In most instances, all an argument proves is that two people are present.
• It's not a bug, it's an undocumented feature.
• Let his own wand ding him. (again...????)
  
• People say I shouldn't frown because it uses more muscles than smiling. Then I point out that Americans need their exercise.
• Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.
• The beatings will continue until morale improves.
• The world would be less violent if everyone used hula hoops.
• There are three types of people in this world: the ones who can count, and those who can't.
• Every quote is a quote.
  
• We will fight them until hell freezes over. Then, we'll fight them on ice.
• Who ever said nothings impossible obviously never tried slamming a revolving door.
• You have no rights. Sit down.
• Your head is not aerodynamically proportioned.

Phone Chronicles

Since my phone decided to turn off and never recharge last month, I've been trying to negotiate getting it to the Softbank store to turn it in for repairs. It's funny though, losing my phone was sort of more of a relief for me than a wild panic. No more worrying about running out of batteries, no more watching the clock to see if it's past 9, no more people who call me "just cause" when I'm in the middle of work hours, and no more real serious obligation to call anyone. I thought I'd really quickly get addicted to my phone, kind of like I don't go very often without signing into Skype or checking my email, but I seem to be relatively detached from this phone business, which is a pleasant surprise.
I've always hated talking on the phone. And as far as work goes, sometimes it's nice to send off an email and have a few relaxed hours before you get a reply that puts you back into panic again...no?
Anyway, finally today, I got a temporary replacement. My temporary replacement is a bright, reflective, PURPLE. Possibly the gayest color purple you can imagine. Behold, the things Google can find for you.

Not only is my phone a pale purple--it's DISCO purple. It reflects colors...and it sparkles and shines. It's so shiny and nuts, in fact, that I almost feel like I could pick up my phone and have a conversation with Uncle Jim.
There are some annoying things though, about having a temporary phone. First thing is that it's all scratched up and clearly been mashed up against the face of many Softbank users before me, and they probably had swine flu.
Second thing is that, I open up my phone and have a zillion missed calls but can't tell who on earth any of them are since they're all just numbers and no names. I wish I could call you back...but I'm afraid I don't know whose number is what. HELP. Aggggh the frightful power of technology to swallow up a bunch of what used to be names of people that I knew and spit out a bunch of numbers.

I Love You

A little while ago during a game of sorts, I had to answer the question, "What do you want most right now?" And I remember thinking hard and coming up with, "To be understood--to feel like people see and appreciate what I do."
I didn't mean to say it like I'm being misunderstood or unappreciated in my life. When I think about it now, I realize that I am so blessed with so many things--a lot of appreciation for the different ministries that I'm involved in, a lot of recognition for the music and things that I create, and a lot of love and support from my parents who praise me for the good more than they rebuke me for the bad. I'm thankful for all of that.
I think, though, that there are these times that come every now and then when you feel like people are looking at you through a raincloud, judging you more for the times that you forget to do your JJT than for the times that you struggle to get it done. Times when you feel like the people you work with, for whatever reason, want to believe that you're spoiled, selfish, and getting more than you deserve. Times when you want to make them understand the feeling behind what you do; times when you want someone to walk in and see you getting desperate with the Lord because you feel like you're alone in the struggle. Times when you tell Jesus you just want to give up because everyone in your home seems more put-together than you are, and you're too haphazard to be what they expect you to be.
I can get up over this because I know that, for the most part, it's all in my head. But I see and I know people for whom it's more of a reality. People who are not nearly as appreciated or loved and accepted as they should be. People who try, people who fight, people who feel frail because no one is helping them to feel strong. I think it's probably the biggest reason why anyone has loneliness trials that feel like the heaviest weight in the universe--because the rest of us don't see, hear, and touch often enough. Isn't that why people, even when they're in a relationship, can still feel lonely?
There are so many wonderful people around the world--people who sacrifice on a daily basis, who give as much as is humanly possible. I think sometimes, we tend to expect such greatness from people because of the warped perception that we have of people that we esteem "truly great"--some Bible characters, people like Mother Teresa, or the missionaries that go someplace and do heroic, selfless things, almost get eaten by cannibals, whose 1st, 2nd, and 3rd wives die of malaria, and whose faith is always recorded as having been "unwavered."
The thing is, though, that human service is so much less dramatic and pure than that. The most "pure" we can be is still speckled with small prides and selfishnesses. The most "giving" we can be is still sometimes holding something back. The most warm and open we can be is still protected in some way, still shielding, still suspecting. Even working at our hardest we have slumps in productivity, time-management, inspiration. We're so multi-angular that we should never be compared with one another--but we are.
It's not so much about the physical manifestations of "affection." I think it's mostly about deciding to be thankful for someone because of their hard work rather than getting flustered because of what they forgot to cover. Appreciating people out loud from the deepest place in your heart. Jumping in bed and talking with people. Telling people someone you admire them for being a fighter. Getting a prophecy for someone. Holding someone's hand. Talking about your weaknesses and telling people how you admire them for their strengths. Hugging someone for a little longer than you usually would and telling them "I really love seeing you!" with more feeling than you usually would.
I have to say, I wouldn't be in the Family today if not for the times when people held me close to them and made me feel like a part of them, like they'd love to work with me, or even just see me around. There are some people that silently love, with a REAL smile and a squeeze of the hand. These people are the people I treasure, because they are the real reason I'm happy and I'm still fighting for whatever it is I'm fighting for.
I don't really have an idea for how to wrap this up--I probably could've wrapped it up a couple paragraphs back, cause of course you all know what I'm talking about. I didn't mean to get too dramatic about it, either. So here is probably a good place to...yeah.

The Mission

Just read "The Mission," and I have to say, I'm thrilled with the direction the Family is taking. Thrilled. In some ways, having been in a service home for a long time, I feel like I'm on the sidelines waving goodbye to all the missionaries being sent off to win the world, but it's okay, because I like knowing that at least SOMEONE is out there doing the job. I'm so excited to give this new GN to Active Members, and I'm so excited that everyone in the Family is going to read it in and go "okay, I'll try this."
I know that in the not-so-distant future I'll be able to introduce sheep to other Family members and not be paranoid that their standard is not a good sample.
I know that soon there won't be that loneliness, discouragement, and self-righteousness, because everyone will be struggling harder than I am, and I will look up to them and look down at myself and think "Florence, you gotta up your game. These people are fighting for Jesus, there ain't no more self-pity to be had." And I will grab someone's hand and feel confident that they will pull me in the right direction.
"The Mission," people. Read it and pump some iron.

The best snack ever (inconsequential information)

The best snack in the world: Jagariko!!! I like to eat these when I am travelling because they are a snitchy food that you can eat with one hand, touch with little fingertips, and savor with a heartful of loooove. I have nothing but love for them.
When I was in this tiny little train station on my way to Shiojiri a couple weeks ago, I had to wait for a good 40 minutes for the next train to come, and it was raining and I was tired and so I went to the tiny little kiosk to cheer myself up with some Jagarikos.
That's the next great thing about them, is you can get them anywhere!!! Work!!!
Anyway, there were these nuns standing there eating their own Jagarikos, and they were so godly and sweet that (kind of like some FGAs you know...) they were trying to make eye contact and probably would've tried to start talking to me if I'd looked at all inviting. But I was just interested in being Japanesey-mousey and getting my Jagarikos and having private quiet time on the bench. So basically I bought my Jagas, barely opened the package before my computer that I'd tentatively leaned against my leg starts slowly slipping down to the ground, and in one fell swoop I reach to save it and my ENTIRE cup of Jagas spills onto the ground. The ENTIRE...brand new...whole collection of Jaga sticks.
At this point the nuns look more or less sympathetic and start to offer their own Jagarikos, but I try to be really cool and brush it off like as if it doesn't really matter to me that I spilled my entire cup on the floor. "Yah, I'm fine. If they didn't want to be eaten...it's their loss."
Man. That sucked. All the way on the train I wanted Jagarikos.
And then Nao bought them for me. And I ate them, and was glad.
And...yeah. Basically I like Jagarikos.

Be

It's funny how things come and go. How laundry gets washed and then all too quickly recycled into a pile of dirty. How just a second ago you had "plenty of time" to meet a deadline, and now you're wondering why you put it off for so long. How you used to be better at something than someone, and now you stare at them through a half-open window and realize that they've suddenly become better than you by a mile, and, once again, the tortoise has overtaken the hare. How a schedule chock-full of agendas can be so exciting and fulfilling in the anticipation, and then gone and left you feeling a little tired and empty when it's all in the past. How one day, you have a little bit of childish anticipation about liking someone, and the next thing you know you're trying to forget that you ever admitted to yourself that you might. How you love something you've made one second and hate it the next. How you have the best intentions to get up and bludgeon all your tasks for the day with a force of dilligence your keyboard has never known, but end up getting knocked down by something invisible and puny and stay in bed watching youtube videos. How you can sit and write a silly blog-post thinking you have plenty of time before your train, and then...finish your blog post, pick up a bag, stuff it with some implements, and go and do your thing and wonder why you spent so much time on that stupid blog post. How something can be the future and then the past in one split second.
Be careful, self. Be what you mean to be.

Here I Am

Nagano is not as cold as I expected it to be. Even being rainy and cloudy, I seem to be a great deal warmer than the actual Alps Home residents. I'm the only one who's not dying to turn the heater on in my room, and I was walking around in shorts today. This is very odd, because I'm usually colder than everyone else. Maybe I'm all hot and bothered by something. Must ponder.
On my way here I had a series of small heart-attacks. We got some botched instructions for where I could get picked up, and we ended up passing our stop on the expressway by a great deal, and had to get off the kousoku in order to drop me off at a train station so I could double back. This was only a small heart-attack because it started looking like, "Florence, we might as well just take you home because of all the trouble this is becoming." But I made it, and I am here, and I am happy.
Today was rest day for me and the young Alps boys. Last night my room had a bunch of chips, umeshu, and boys in it, and that was quite exciting.
This picture is for you. "Slat wo nomimashou!" "Slat wa amaiiiii!" Yay!

A quiet remark in the night

I'm getting wiped from the Internet like a booger from a dirty nose these next few weeks. I'm going to go down to Gifu and do some hardcore bi'nness until the 7th, take a break at Shiojiri, and then head off to help staff an OC camp. Call me if you miss me, yeah?
I think being away from home for a bit will be a good breather for me; it'll help me get back on my feet and figure out where I want to go from here. There are some things in my life that have built up and crashed down, and I wanna know what the Florence that I want to be is going to do about all of that (what Jesus wants me to do about all of that).
I also want you to know that letting go isn't very easy. No, not easy at all. But that's just another one of the things that you already knew, isn't it.
Goodnight, sleepy sweets.

A thought about productivity

I realize that I most often feel most like updating my blog during the first half of the day. I rarely ever update at night...or if I do, all you get is something short (and most likely depressing). The beginning half of the day is most inspired--the most productive!
WHY then, does my body always want to sleep all morning? What a waste of my most golden hours!
Does it not make sense to sleep earlier at night...and wake up bright and hoppity?
Someone TELL me it makes sense. COMMAND me!!! Ahhhhhh

But you knew that.

Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up.

Long Train Runnin'

Now I am home and my eyes feel like they are only now realizing that they were never meant to be opened and they should just close forever.
Partly because of the retarded rash on my eyelid, thanks to some sort of mutant make-up allergy.
Also partly because I am very tired and ought to sleep. (Wonder why I'm at the computer typing THIS stuff, mmmm?) Probably YOU are also very tired, because only the VERY tired find themselves reading my blog, at the end of a long, dark tunnel of aimless internet surfing. Stop it, and go to bed.
If you're still here because you're thinking "I already started reading the post, may as well finish..." well then...okay, there's nothing I can do to stop you. But I CAN ramble on and on to teach you a lesson. But...I won't...because...I am too tired.
Does anyone else, when they read sentences in their heads, consciously think "ellipsis points"...? Maybe it's just me. I hope not, because that would be weird. I would feel very lonely.
I walked home from the train station tonight, bouncing around on my heels in the dark with a bag slung over my shoulders, earphones in my ears and "Back On Track" on my MP3 player. A strange old man came up to me and told me that it was dangerous for "pretty gaijin girls" to be walking in the dark because of "chikans". I didn't know what to do--I thanked him for his sweet word of warning and then walked off. I felt bad though, like maybe he thought I should call a taxi right then and there. Maybe HE was a chikan, and it was his sneaky tactic to get me to invite him to escort me to my house or something. Hmmmmmm!!! Hamano is a scary hood.
Anyway. I miss you, and I hope I get to see you again soon.

Salamanders

This is very odd. Most of the time lately I only get the kick-in-the-pants to post on my blog when I see how way far down on Aiki and Mary's link list I am. That's so weird. Aiki and Mary, you have become my bloggometer.
So the HCS had a party and I'm finding pictures of myself popping up in random places. That's always the funnest part of the party, seeing the sneaky pictures people took realizing how crazed and drugged you look when you're enjoying yourself in the dark.
And that's ALL I have to say about that. I'm going to be busy hopping all over the place soon but I love you and maybe you're one of the people I will hop to.

That's Just Great

It does not help me in my songwriting to see videos like this.

Serious Business

Two songs I'm digging with absolutely no idea why.
Together (CP single release) and Spending My Time (DMC)
I am not kidding. Do not laugh at me. These are awesome songs.
Download them.

I'm really sorry that this is the only thing I have the gumption to post right now. Pray that the desire to update my blog peaks soon.

"Sitting in an English garden...

...waiting for the sun."
Which is what we're doing right now. We went out singing yesterday and and the night before, and all was pretty happy and nice. Tiring, but happy and nice. We got a bunch of alcohol donations, and a few that we turned down. But when it was difficult to turn down the beers, we had to take them with us in our backpack, which became heavy as a sack of potatoes. Seriously, it's one of the only times in my life that I've ever wanted to turn down a beer.
Here are some happy keitai pictures of us.

My eyebrows looking a little crooked-er than usual, on the way to Chiba Castle.

Steve (revolution!!) and Taka (peace!!)

Thank you Jesus for donations!! (And little bits of money for healthy things!!)

While Steve likes him a good sushi, I like me some fried ebi! Hallelujah for Tempura!
Mmmm! Don't YOU wish you were singing "Country Roads" under the hot hot sun!

Things that are life

• I had a beer during home council today. It was ever so satisfying, thanks to Michael F. for the massive box that lives in my room now.
• I sang a song in Latin a little while ago. Oh man, recording it with Steve was the hugest trial, because he kept cracking up when I'd have to sing "et glorificabo" and related Latin phrases. I think every singer plays with the idea of singing like a Italian opera singer at some point (the lesser of many delusions), and that was about as close as I think I'll ever get.
• I just got a song back from Michael Piano called "Celestial." It's not really my style, I don't know what style it is, exactly, but it made me bounce around the room for a little while and thank Jesus that I have a soul that is happy enough to sing anything with HAPPINESS, if nothing else.
• I'm going to Gifu precture for a Golden Week clowning marathon again. Always tiring as the dickens, but fun and bonding for our small little team in a little house that smells like tatami mat, eating ramens and mazui obentos.
• Next weekend Steve and Taka are coming down from the HCS so we can go sakura singing in Chiba. After that, we're over to Bayside wrapping up the loose ends of Strawberry Jam Phase 1, so that we can move on to recording.
• I got two songs approved by WSA and I have no idea how I'm going to fit that in on top of the other recording projects. Makes me think about how massively blessed I am to be able to do too much of something that I love.
• Someone called my phone this morning with office-related questions, and I was able to spend a good chunk of time talking with him about the struggles in his witnessing and the exciting new projects he's pioneering. It reminded me how much I really want to get out there and struggle myself, but to pray for the people who have been called to do so in the meantime. Very inspiring.
• OC camp in the west is coming up. Apparently I am going as staff, third year in a row. Thank you Jesus for small excitements.
• I get to help at a 12FS graduation ceremony at Noda, bringing one of my sheep. I think I'm supposed to do a skit with Yo-kun. Yay!
• I have my hair in two ponytails right now. TYJ for beer.
• There's an Aries party on the 20th at the HCS, and I get to go!
• Chateraise just called and told us that they have another pickup of pastries waiting for us. They should be home anytime now. TYJ for those unexpectedly pleasant ends to these beautiful days of life.

Projects projects projects

Doing too many things at once: Something I have an opinion about.
I believe, besides it being childish, idealistic, and foolish, that it's REALLY GREAT. It's so much fun!
First of all, it's an interesting challenge to see if the things that drop off automatically (since, obviously we can't juggle a zillion balls forever, or at least I can't) are the things that I'm naturally not so interested in, or the things that require more work, or the things that take more time, or the things that I AM actually interested in but realize are of lesser importance. This is really helping me figure out my true level of innate selfishness.
Another reason about why it's great is...for some reason, the more projects you have, the more likely you are to complete all of them. I truly believe this. In my brain, and as far as my reasoning will take me (which is not very far), I'd say this is because there's all of a sudden, as a result of so many things to do, more emphasis on completing the project rather than starting a new one. So, inasmuch as I am always starting new projects, I have an increased panic about finishing the old ones and getting them out of the way. This is sort of the cycle that moves me to accomplishment-by-desperation.
Also, accomplishment is one HUGE shot in the leg. Bouncing from one success to another becomes the easiest little dance in the world. And, whereas dancing is often tiring after a while, this is INVIGORATING. It's like, the truest rawest form of life. (For us SINGLES anyway.)
So PTL!!! Hop hop on those projects, people!!!

Home

Home. Somewhat brain-dead. But happy.
Strawberry Jam is something that I can have some serious praise time about. I'm pretty convinced that the Lord made a pretty good team when he put us together. It's been a couple good years of being friends to bring us to the point where we can actually get together and write songs as a team. Trying to write enough songs for an album in 3 days is an insane feat, for sure, especially without any pre-prepared ideas. It's not just idealistic, it's actually mostly haphazard and not so recommended. In any case, it's exciting, and we're learning more about how to be prepared next time.
"Next time" is a phrase that is filled with so many questions and possibilities that I'm not even going to think about it.
There were some definite blocked moments of staring at blank pages and having absolutely zero ideas. You look at so many scratched-out ideas and the dorky phrases start to sound passable. And then when you've been through so many words and phrases and ideas, you can't tell which ones are good and which ones are bad anymore. Plus, you can't remember if you've already used that idea in a song 2 days ago.
Anyway. Inspired experience. Mostly for the fact that it's so rewarding to be able to start something with inspiration and finish it with grunting. I'm tired...but I think it's going to be worth it.
And I'm off to eat dinner and SLEEP now.

What!?!

Hey peeps. I'm at the HCS now. Nekkid as a baby in the brain and ready to tackle the elephant.
Click the image to follow along.

Life is nothing like we plan it to be

Things are nuts. Jesus knows I need to be busy right now. Thank you Jesus, for the things that remind us that there is ALWAYS the bigger picture to throw our shrivelled hearts into.
Oh dear God, thank you SO much for keeping the curtains open to the outside. This mind can only take so much mustiness.
Stay tuned.

A Paper For Your Wall

A little hole that I dug to store custom wallpapers in. Sort of for myself, also for anybody else who might glean small amounts of happiness from having an inspiring (or just sort of interesting) wallpaper on their desktop.
I am tired, but I love you lots.

Confessions for no one

Apparently it's very important for me to list these 6 "confessions". Since Hoan is going to be coming to Japan soon, I feel like it would be in my best interests to stay on her good side. Unless, of course, she's nothing but goodness on all sides, in which case this would've been wasted time...
But I'm not taking my chances.

Confession 1: I have a massive desire to witness--so massive that I wonder how Jesus is going to keep me in a service home.
Confession 2: I fear I may be addicted to Tetris. And I'm not really joking. I'm not capable of sitting at a computer and watching a video or chatting with a friend without wanting to play tetris in a side window. I mean, if I'm watching with a bunch of other people, it's another story, but if i'm alone...I'll always get the urge.
Confession 3: When I just turned 16, my best friend and I got a series of e-mails from an anonymous person who opened an e-mail box for the purpose of writing really really hateful stuff about me. I, to this day, don't understand what I could've done to anyone to make them believe that I was such a disgusting person, but I still think about some of the things he said and wonder whether one day I'll find out that it was all true.
Confession 4: There are all sorts of strange things wrong with my body. One shoulder is about an inch lower than the other, my ankles connect to my feet on the inside instead of the middle (which makes my legs slant in unless I'm wearing sturdy shoes), my knees can lock backwards, and I have a retarded skin condition that is exacerbated by the use of water. Why am I such a Hellen Keller?
Confession 5: I am hugely handicapped at picking up any kind of musical instrument. Any kind of musical concept, really. Maybe it's the same problem I have with Math.
Confession 6: I've been in love with more people than I'll ever admit.

A post for the information-inclined

My blog is very bent toward members of "the Family International" isn't it. It's been getting increasingly so these last couple of months. You must understand, friends, that the majority of my time IS, in fact, spent, as a member of the Family. I find that I can't really slip in and out of it like a...garment (18th century Heaven's Library word). However, as nut-nuts as some of these blog posts may sound, the weird verbiage and all, I am as ordinary a retard as one would find in any old ordinary store for retards, and I don't talk like an ostrich ALL the time. Be appeased, relatives of mine, who I am just POSITIVE read my blog and hesitate to comment because...of how...little there is to...comment on. I understand. In the future I will post recipes or pictures of my wood-whittlings.
Gosh. I actually would like to try whittling wood. (And no, would was not italicized because it is a homonym of wood. I'm not THAT retarded.)

Things I've been up to:

>>Rehauling the Activate Office. We're having an employee/boss changeover (yes, the two of us), and things have become quite exciting. Now I'm getting to discuss my idiosyncrasies about scheduling and time-management, which is a topic that I am increasingly inspired about.
>>Sitting and thinking about exciting little (and not so little ) musical and witnessing projects that I may be involved in in the future.
>>Taking care of lots of children because their parents have gone to an Education Seminar.
>>Wrangling "Twitter" into my sidebar.
>>Trying to build websites / Building websites
>>Getting over a series of bad earaches (yelling at people to speak louder)
>>Washing laundry. Speaking of which, I fear that I have become obsessed with nice-smelling clothes. The Downy was one thing, but I spent a good chunk of last night inventing various soap packages to tuck in with my clothes. I've also decided that, rather than letting the Downy smell escape into the polluted Chiba air, I prefer to hang my clothes in my room to keep the sweet scent with me a little longer. Am I not nuts? (The stupidest thing about all of this is, if you saw me and gave me a hug, you probably wouldn't notice that my clothes smelled anything different at all. Jesus, it breaks my heart!!!)
>>Eating mikans!!
>>Etcetera. (Okay, small plea to the people who pronounce this word "eck-setera" ...you...should...not...do it...anymore.)

The Powers of Love

(Michelle and Layla Fighting over a fluffy purple pen of Florence's.)
Michelle: Did you know, Layla, that pen really actually has no magical powers? It's not very good for much. Please give it to me.
Layla: But I don't NEED powers. So it's okay, I will keep it.
Michelle: Oh, but...actually it does have lots of powers. And I need powers because I don't have powers. So please can I have it, please Layla? (Please spoken in the sort of tone that doesn't really denote "please" but something more like, "I have said please, and PLEASE is the magic word, and if you don't give it to me, Florence will MAKE YOU because I have said PLEASE and that is the LAST time I will say it!!")
Layla: Oh. You don't have powers? That's too bad, Michelle. Jesus gave me lots of powers. Jesus gave me the powers to go witnessing, and everywhere I go, I want to witness!
Michelle: Yes, actually something like that happened to me too. Jesus gave powers to my doll, and the doll gave the powers to me.
Layla: Well what kind of powers do you have?
Michelle: Um. The powers of the keys.
Layla: HA! Well I also have the powers of LOVE.
Michelle: Uh...yes, Layla. I have those too. And so does Florence. EVERYONE has the powers of love.
Layla: Yes, but I have more powers. I have all the powers in Heaven AND in Earth.
Michelle: Okay, that's just stupid, Layla. That's just stupid because you can't have ALL the powers. My Mommy and Daddy and Grandpa and Auntie Florence and Uncle Dan have powers too, okay!!
Layla (a little perplexed): Yes...that's right...but...I have MOST of them.
Michelle: Layla. You're just silly. Please let me hold the pen just for a few minutes.
Layla: Okay.
(I think someone's going to have to explain that whole concept to Layla soon because she seems very sad as though she has somehow lost the power that she thought she had.)

An aimless ramble on time and the internets

A recurring issue in our Home Councils these days is internet use. Not that we have any serious internet-addicts in our home, but we're just etching out our collective home standard since we're a relatively new team. So because of all this discussion I started thinking about ways to filter my internet use through a serious system that I can actually schedule, log, and get a grip on.
I usually just sort of write most of my internet use off to the fact that I use the computer for most things that I do. I leave myself signed in all day because of the various people that are trying to get in contact with me (or that I'm trying to get in contact with) for work reasons. Also, a lot of the communication and delegating that I do in the Office is very intertwined with the internet. I use the internet for research for lay-out and music ideas and reference material...
Thank you Jesus for the Internet. Sigh.
So basically, I started doing the RSS feeds and finding ways for the internet to come to ME rather than me going to IT when there's something it wants me to see. So now I get my e-mails, task reminders, viagra adverts, and blog posts, all to the same place. I can mix business with pleasure!!
I've begun to take little notes in the margins of my planner (next to exercise, prayer vigil, prophecy time, and room cleaning check boxes) of how many minutes I spend recreationally using the Internet. The difficult thing about this method of tallying is that sometimes I am doing an aim-filled thing and an aim-less thing at the same time--like chatting in one window and writing messages in another. I have decided to count these minutes as half minutes. (So when I am chatting with you, feel free to consider me half a person.)
To keep a good and fair perspective, I hope that one day I can also tally all the minutes of good progress-oriented things that I do. Like, why do we always go to such lengths to try to figure out the minutes we're wasting, and no one bothers keeping track of the minutes we're seriously investing? THINK ABOUT IT. YOU probably do this. Sort of equivalent to writing a to-do list and throwing away the ones that are completed. What is this interesting way of thinking?
Once again, I have gone and created more work for myself.

Congratulations

...to the latest of my friends who have gotten hitched. Hurrah! I'd be totally lying if I tried to say something like "who knew?" or "I never thought you'd be married before me..." because, truth is, we ALL knew you'd be married SOMEDAY. Maybe ESPECIALLY me. I didn't know it so much recently, but I definitely knew it before. Let's just say, the reason we lost touch in recent years is because I decided to trust you to your own devices...and...you were taking care of each other...and all...you know...that. I'm so clever.
I'm so sad I wasn't able to go, because I didn't want to infect your loved-ones with my sniffles. But I just KNOW you thought of me.
I've always thought you were the luckiest pair in the world. God bless you guys, and I hope you get fresh from the Canadian air.
Congratulations to Joseph and Charissa Pritchard!!
(And congratulations to the genius youngster who took the most amazing wedding photos ever!! Guess who?)

These days...

That said, thank You Jesus.