I pose the following to Elaina:
What is it that pains me when I write on this blog? I cannot TRUST it. I cannot unburden into its hands in faith that my burden will not turn around and bludgeon me and bury me. This blog is a shifty place.
For example, this post, even though it's only barely begun as a thought, and hasn't even been thrust into existence yet, already sounds like an angry murmur. It sounds like angsty slashes on clean paper...and spur-of-the-moment holes through body parts. But it's not!!! It's a soft ponder; a tender frustration. <--spoken in best Nero voice
Basically, there's no impetus to writing for any sake but for the sake of writing, on this blog at least. If I don't write to please and I don't write to inform, I write to write. Naturally, I want to write what I feel--the things that rumble inside and make me mad, sad, or glad. But, things being what they are, I wouldn't want to be 1)mad or 2)sad on my blog. Out of consideration for readers, not wanting to confuse anybody, and not wanting to spark any kind of crazy debate, I stay away from some of the things that I would actually want to post most of all. Minus 3)glad. Besides, my gladness is mostly restricted to the one area of my life under "Jesus is Enough". I don't have Fuge highs and lows and twists and turns. Sometimes. But when I'm in the throes of a high, my blog is the last thing I think about anyway.
So what's left?
You know I try...right? You're just waiting for me to fall through the ceiling soon, aren't you?
For example, this post, even though it's only barely begun as a thought, and hasn't even been thrust into existence yet, already sounds like an angry murmur. It sounds like angsty slashes on clean paper...and spur-of-the-moment holes through body parts. But it's not!!! It's a soft ponder; a tender frustration. <--spoken in best Nero voice
Basically, there's no impetus to writing for any sake but for the sake of writing, on this blog at least. If I don't write to please and I don't write to inform, I write to write. Naturally, I want to write what I feel--the things that rumble inside and make me mad, sad, or glad. But, things being what they are, I wouldn't want to be 1)mad or 2)sad on my blog. Out of consideration for readers, not wanting to confuse anybody, and not wanting to spark any kind of crazy debate, I stay away from some of the things that I would actually want to post most of all. Minus 3)glad. Besides, my gladness is mostly restricted to the one area of my life under "Jesus is Enough". I don't have Fuge highs and lows and twists and turns. Sometimes. But when I'm in the throes of a high, my blog is the last thing I think about anyway.
So what's left?
You know I try...right? You're just waiting for me to fall through the ceiling soon, aren't you?
posted by Florence at 7:36 PM
3 comments:
it actually is a very informative and entertaining blog. And I don't think it ever has been blunt. GB
I really got a kick out of your "best Nero voice" -- how descriptive!
I feel your pain, though. You know, paper journals are pretty trusty...
Can I post it on my blog?
That's my way of saying "I know exactly how you feel". Except I didn't know I felt that way, until I read it here.
Figure that one out.
Gio.
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