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Sunday, February 03, 2008

no point

When a lie I told or a secret I kept hidden is revealed and hurts others
When I make a mistake and lose the trust of people I love
When people ask me "Why would you do that?" "How could you do that to me?"
And I have nothing to say but "I don't know," and there's no point saying it

When I reap the consequences of a bad decision I made, something that
Seemed so smart at the time, like the best thing to do to preserve my pride
When others discover that I'm the sort of person I would never be able to forgive
And when they had trusted me too much to forgive me too easily

When I mess up trying to explain myself because I realize halfway through
That I actually am damnedly in love with you and just don't want you to know it
And I sound like such a fool because I don't want to lie to you anymore
But there's no point saying anything--and I can't seem to stop trying

When I'm sitting here all wasted and there's no point trying to turn back
The clock, or put the liquor back into the bottle--and I realize what a mess I've made
And still am making, and always will make. And the floor feels so cold
And the air feels so condemning, and I say "I'm sorry" and the toilet echoes back

When I cross the line and realize it a second too late
And could've sworn that there was no line a second ago, and I made another one of those
Mistakes that are meant to be made and cannot be prevented. And I kick myself
Because somehow I feel like I should've been made an exception because I was so careful

When I realize that, even though I really do so little, I just can't do more
And I was meant to be weak, created to trip over these small duties and
Knot up these tasks that other people can manage so effortlessly
And all I can really do is let myself trust that the hit-and-miss is all strategic to Someone

When the first thing I want to do is give up and fall into a hole to be forgotten
I give up and fall into You.

7 comments:

Blogger Ely said...

wow
can I say that was amazing?
It was amazing.

2/03/2008 8:52 PM  
Anonymous steve said...

Florence...You Need urgent psychiatric help. today!
Or, your words are genius which fly over my head.
I'll give you one last chance...what does this Mean?
I'm calling masa.

2/03/2008 10:23 PM  
Blogger Blazing Venus said...

Florie, you poetry speaks to me like no one else's ever has or ever could. Maybe because you're my sister, so I actually take the time to read it and feel it; I don't know. But there's something amazing there. I feed on it.

2/04/2008 3:22 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Waah if I had your way with words...
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
... and your voice!!!

2/06/2008 4:50 AM  
Blogger kathy said...

wow.

2/06/2008 3:06 PM  
Anonymous Leigh said...

That was soo good, Flo. I never knew you could be so depressed. LOL. Now it's time for me to give you a talking to.

2/06/2008 3:33 PM  
Blogger Florence said...

I'm not depressed thankyouverymuch. I'm quite happy and drenched in the joy of the Lord.

2/06/2008 4:30 PM  

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