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Saturday, May 10, 2008


Maybe I'm super not so smart, but I've always struggled with trying to understand the concept of meditation. What is it? Is it emptying your mind and thinking of absolutely nothing else (in which case it would be near impossible for me to do)? Is the Lord satisfied with your attempt at meditation if you have to put it into words just in order to concentrate? I have this issue where, if I spend a few seconds alone with Jesus, I end up pouring out my heart and praying desperately to the Lord for all sorts of things. Is that totally missing the meditation mark? Sometimes I sit and imagine a place, and imagine Jesus and I there...and it makes me happy. But am I supposed to totally and completely imagine nothing at all?
The whole thing seemed quite confusing and conflicting to me. "Meditation Testimonies" has been the hugest relief to me. Anything that helps me to understand the Lord and what He wants of me better inspires me to no end. This paragraph especially summed up meditation for me. Finally, I'm as excited about it as I always wished I could be.
Mostly after you finish sharing your heart with the Lord, and after the tears have been shed, and you're done crying and you're feeling spent emotionally, that's the time you just rest and feel His embrace. And that's meditation. He brings up anything He wants to. You're emotionally spent, and now you're just listening, just being held.

I'm definitely one of those sinners whose mind runs too fast for her legs (blasted Libra), who parks the car and leaves the engine running. I've never been able to sit and vegetate. I could never reconcile myself with the idea that the Lord would ask me to sit and vegetate. And now I realize that he doesn't necessarily want me to.
One thing I have always loved to do though, is sit and think about Jesus. When I start praising Him, there is no end to the things that I can praise Him for, and I get happier and happier with every second of praising. I also love singing, and I can sing songs to the Lord for a long, long time. I've written many a cruddy and cliche song just in the spur of the moment, with a desire to sing something whole-hearted to the Lord, from me. I can read the Word and ask the Lord questions about it, read and reread a passage over and over and just feel the words seeping into my brain and making more and more sense by the minute. I can sit at my computer and type long, long messages of love to the Lord (as long-winded and redundant as I am, it's no small wonder). I can draw silly little pictures of aliens with big eyes and speech bubbles that say "Jesus, thank You for loving such a silly little thing like me."
And I'm so glad that all of those things just bring me that much closer to Him, and make meditation that much easier.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Florence,
This comment is unrelated to this post.
I was just listening to Wall by the Shore by Strawberry Jam - so beautiful and nostalgic.
Thank you for writing something dedicated to that time in all our lives.
The whole albums great; interesting innovation from the past.
Yo, yo, what, what, Strawberry Jam, one more time around, yo, raise the roof!

5/10/2008 6:03 PM  
Blogger Florence said...

Hey Mash! Hahaha raise the roof. I miss you. I don't know if I can promise anything but I don't think the Strawberry Jam intends to fade into oblivion just yet. We're keeping our fingers crossed.
I'm so glad you like Wall by the Shore, I'm basically just happy that you got to listen to it. It's special, yeah?
I love you. Give lots of yoroshiku to Jan too. :)

5/10/2008 6:52 PM  

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