Hey, deep-end-of-brain. Long time no access.

There was a time when I used to sign in to blogger and open this "create" window and fill this white window with random words. Words from the heart/mind of a teenager, words that weren't necessarily godly, words that weren't necessarily important or worth the time taken to write or read. Just words.
Now, even though I've gained things like discretion, moderation, a purpose for my posts, a little more objectivity, I cannot help but lament my lack of inspiration. Even though it does seem like a fair trade, all these things at the expense of my spontaneity...
I was reading my old posts and laughing at the things I said. Some of the things I make a point to not say now; some things that are too true to be taken lightly, or too proud to be aired, or too ignorant to be funny.

I wonder why it feels wrong to really turn every word over and over in my head before I put it down.
I wonder why, when I linger over the "publish" button, I feel like I'm going to regret posting this tomorrow. Random, sporatic, direction-less, meandering thoughts.

I think it's because I want very badly to be simple and focused. I have found a goal for myself, and I want to keep it where it's clear and untarnished. I don't want to frolic inside my mind like I used to; like not playing in the kitchen cause you might knock over the hot pot or cut yourself with something sharp. I don't want to be distracted.
Maybe that's why blogs shouldn't be taken lightly. They give you a warped view of life. They meddle with your priorities. Is it more important to be creative, diverse, emotional, poetic, prolific?...or simple, content, focused, realistic, decided?

I guess both things are nice. There is moderation, and then there is sacrifice. And I've chosen to live my life in such a way that You grow brighter, and that I fade away...

UPDATE: I realized this post is kind of ambiguous.
I actually wrote this post in the sequence that I thought it, so my thoughts may have been kind of disjointed and hard to follow.
I just wanted to say that I don't mean to be Self Righteous when I say I'm going to try to keep a godly blog. I know there are lots of other blogs out there plenty godly enough, and I hate to keep bringing up this "godly blog" topic again.
It's just that I got a few comments from people who were saying that my writing style changed, and that I seemed to be posting a lot of Word things lately, and asked where my "funny stupid Florence posts" had gone.
I really honestly miss those posts too. But I had to tell those people, and you, that even though I loved writing fun posts just about my day or my thoughts, the Lord has requested something MORE of me. He specifically asked me to make this blog a sacrifice of my simple love for Him, and that's what I'm trying to do.
So basically, I really appreciate you if you, like the first anonymous commenter, have enjoyed my blog for so long. But I just want to warn you that this is not a "phase" of boring posts. With the Lords' help, I'd like to make this blog as simple and dedicated as possible.
I definitely don't think that's the way all blogs should be. I'm not trying to make a statement about how my blog is the godliest. In the SS about blogs the Lord specifically said that every blog will be different, and every blogger will have a singular way of expressing their devotion and discipleship. I think that's cool. And to the many bloggers who can be funny and godly at the same time, GBY, I'm going to try to copy your style! Heehee.
YAY. That's all.