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Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Hey, deep-end-of-brain. Long time no access.

There was a time when I used to sign in to blogger and open this "create" window and fill this white window with random words. Words from the heart/mind of a teenager, words that weren't necessarily godly, words that weren't necessarily important or worth the time taken to write or read. Just words.
Now, even though I've gained things like discretion, moderation, a purpose for my posts, a little more objectivity, I cannot help but lament my lack of inspiration. Even though it does seem like a fair trade, all these things at the expense of my spontaneity...
I was reading my old posts and laughing at the things I said. Some of the things I make a point to not say now; some things that are too true to be taken lightly, or too proud to be aired, or too ignorant to be funny.

I wonder why it feels wrong to really turn every word over and over in my head before I put it down.
I wonder why, when I linger over the "publish" button, I feel like I'm going to regret posting this tomorrow. Random, sporatic, direction-less, meandering thoughts.

I think it's because I want very badly to be simple and focused. I have found a goal for myself, and I want to keep it where it's clear and untarnished. I don't want to frolic inside my mind like I used to; like not playing in the kitchen cause you might knock over the hot pot or cut yourself with something sharp. I don't want to be distracted.
Maybe that's why blogs shouldn't be taken lightly. They give you a warped view of life. They meddle with your priorities. Is it more important to be creative, diverse, emotional, poetic, prolific?...or simple, content, focused, realistic, decided?

I guess both things are nice. There is moderation, and then there is sacrifice. And I've chosen to live my life in such a way that You grow brighter, and that I fade away...

UPDATE: I realized this post is kind of ambiguous.
I actually wrote this post in the sequence that I thought it, so my thoughts may have been kind of disjointed and hard to follow.
I just wanted to say that I don't mean to be Self Righteous when I say I'm going to try to keep a godly blog. I know there are lots of other blogs out there plenty godly enough, and I hate to keep bringing up this "godly blog" topic again.
It's just that I got a few comments from people who were saying that my writing style changed, and that I seemed to be posting a lot of Word things lately, and asked where my "funny stupid Florence posts" had gone.
I really honestly miss those posts too. But I had to tell those people, and you, that even though I loved writing fun posts just about my day or my thoughts, the Lord has requested something MORE of me. He specifically asked me to make this blog a sacrifice of my simple love for Him, and that's what I'm trying to do.
So basically, I really appreciate you if you, like the first anonymous commenter, have enjoyed my blog for so long. But I just want to warn you that this is not a "phase" of boring posts. With the Lords' help, I'd like to make this blog as simple and dedicated as possible.
I definitely don't think that's the way all blogs should be. I'm not trying to make a statement about how my blog is the godliest. In the SS about blogs the Lord specifically said that every blog will be different, and every blogger will have a singular way of expressing their devotion and discipleship. I think that's cool. And to the many bloggers who can be funny and godly at the same time, GBY, I'm going to try to copy your style! Heehee.
YAY. That's all.

24 comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

you should know by know you dont post stuff like this, because no one knows what to comment. we all love you and evin if you did write evil stuff we want to read it and it made us laugh and we thought it was fun. we don't read this blog to see how youre growing or how spiritul youre getting. to be honest it just makes you seem like a boring person.
my two cencs...

6/08/2006 11:57 AM  
Blogger Florence said...

At this point your two cents are of absolutely no value to me.
You overrate the value of your honesty. At best you convince me that my anonymous readers have puny convictions.
And you reiterated my point. You're just one of the people that I won't be able to please.
Leave, will you, and don't speak for Satan.

6/08/2006 12:52 PM  
Blogger lils said...

dude!
Not to be taken wrongly,
But it's just a blog...
too much retro-intro-specting

What you can do to get the best of both worlds is go somplace like live journal or wherever where they have password protected places for private, public and friends only. That way you'll have room for REAL spontaneous crap for your eyes only, godly and a mixture of ungodly for friends, and public for the downright filtered.
Or you can just carry on as usual...just RELAX! I don;t think ppl expect much from blogs..at least I don't

6/08/2006 1:48 PM  
Blogger Florence said...

that's why i like you, lils.
you're all matter-of-fact and simple about things because you give the world the benefit of the doubt. you don't expect much from my blog. wonderful.
other people do.
it's kind of tiring.

6/08/2006 2:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why ‘ppl don’t expect much from blogs’: Because most people live for nothing therefore they feel compelled to write about their fascinating lives of doing absolutely nothing.

Why some people get irritated by blogs that actually say something: Because that means that, some people actually DO live for something. Oh, yes and that pricks the conscience of the people who do nothing, popping their balloon of vanity and self-indulgence as the stench of their neutrality is exposed.

Hey, If you don't stand for something,you'll for anything.

6/08/2006 2:27 PM  
Blogger lils said...

I didn't get that anon comment about living for something therefore getting iritiated.

but whatever..maybe someone did.

According to the comment: that someone lives for something??

Too much thought into too little substance

6/08/2006 3:01 PM  
Blogger Florence said...

ahh, anonymous! pointed comments! not good! yikes!
i agree with you, as far as writing blogs that stand for something goes.
but what is your point...? does it have any relevance to what the rest of us are talking about?

6/08/2006 3:03 PM  
Blogger lils said...

Im invading your blog! haha.
But I was thinkig you really should do that three tier thing with security etc. That way you really do get all the benifits. As you really do have 3 levels of readers.

Because we dont want to stunt your creativity and honesty

6/08/2006 3:08 PM  
Blogger Elaina said...

Oh great. So I had this comment I was going to make, then it started feeling more like a post. You know, like when...oh nevermind.
So anyway, I'm going to go be productive now. Stay tuned for my once-a-month post which will drip with wisdom and glory.
Stand under it with your tongue out.

6/08/2006 3:22 PM  
Anonymous Hiki said...

Hey Florence. Nice Blog! Rah, Ha, ha and you do have a way with words! I love it! (grin) I think it's a gift God gives all young adolescents. Heh heh. Ganbatte ne.

6/09/2006 11:03 AM  
Anonymous mat said...

I don't know what you're going on about.
If you really truly were putting the Word in precedence to your blog, you would be ten times more godly than you are being. You would spend times less time on your blog than you are. You would delete all ungodly comments.
You obviously don't read the Word. Or if you do, you don't obey it. Which is worse.
There's nothing I hate more than people who are pretending to be godly and yet are in fact completely in disobedience to the Word.
Nothing against you as a person. I just don't appreciate religious hypocrisy. I'm sure you'd make a nice systemite.

6/09/2006 7:27 PM  
Blogger lils said...

Whoa,
tell me mat is joking! please tell me he is
Otherwise , take the SR stick from out of your ass mat and ptl you are miles away from any decent human being lest you be spanked ..repeatedly
lol

6/09/2006 9:49 PM  
Blogger Joan said...

whoa...my lord, talk about a horrible advertisement for becoming a systemite. You suck!!!

6/09/2006 11:35 PM  
Blogger Elaina said...

"You would delete all ungodly comments."
Like for instance, yours?
I considered it, but then I thought, wow, I'd really rather leave it as a testament to the hot stench that is SR.
Seriously.
God is love, Jesus is love, and since there was no love in your comment, I deem it ungodly.

6/10/2006 12:58 AM  
Blogger Lisa said...

I know exactly what you mean.

Not that i have a solution for it.

6/10/2006 1:20 AM  
Anonymous Nina said...

"You can please some of the people all of the time, and you can please all of the people some of the time, but you can never please all of the people all of the time." (Don't try to read that when you're tired!;)

Florence, as long as what u really want is to please the Lord, & you're asking Him about your thoughts & postings, He'll give u just the right balance, & u don't need to worry that it's not spontaneous, witty, funny or creative enough.

"Not with eyeservice, as menpleasers; but as the servants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart," is all that really matters, 'cuz then regardless of what anyone else says, or how u feel about the writing, u know how He feels about it, & u know you're pleasing Him if u just post it the way He shows u to.

There r bound to b ppl who berate u on the complete opposite ends of the spectrum: being "too spiritual" or being "out of it," but pls don't let it discourage u either way. I'm sure if u just take it to Jesus & let Him sort it out for u, He'll give u the simple truth, & u won't hv to agonize over it. I love u!

Mat, I don't know if you were joking in your comment; I don't even know if you're in the Family, or if that was a clever move from someone who hates the Family to start some kind of division between Fam members. I guess if it was, we would never know anyway, but in the case you are in this boat with us & did mean that comment seriously, I did want to point something out, sister to brother (or sister to sister; sorry, I guess Mat could be short for a girl's name, too).

Only Jesus truly sees people's hearts & what they're going through. I'm guilty myself of passing judgment on people when I've only seen one side of them. But comments like, "You obviously don't read the Word," or, "I'm sure you'd make a nice systemite," can really hurt & discourage someone in their struggle to be a better disciple.

I think with written words, it takes even more prayer & love to point things out than it does verbally, & when you say, "There's nothing I hate more than people who are pretending to be godly and yet are in fact completely in disobedience to the Word," even if you follow it up with, "Nothing against you as a person," it will still be taken (unless by a miracle of oversight, or love) as against them as a person.

God help me, as I have a tendency to say things to people's faces really cut-&-dry, & in frusteration sometimes I'll say something accusatory or condemning instead of just bringing out a point in the Word & encouraging them to follow it, whereas, "The servant of the Lord must not strive; but be gentle unto all men, apt to teach, patient." (2Tim.2:24)

After all, Jesus said all men would know we were His disciples if we have love one to another, so it rather defeats the whole purpose of "raising the discipleship standard" if we don't make sure we do so in a loving way.

One thing I've seen in my shepherds that makes me want to listen to & prayerfully consider the things they bring up to me, is that while they point me to the Word & are honest with me about the areas I need to improve in, they always show faith in me & don't condemn me or make me feel like I'm so out of it I'm hopeless. I know I have a long way to go before I can be like that when upholding the standard, but I thought I'd share what I'm learning, & hope it's a help.

"Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted." (Gal.6:1)

I love you, also!

6/10/2006 3:05 AM  
Blogger Florence said...

GBY Nina. That was a really feeding post. I have a problem with Self-righteousness too (who doesn't?) so it was nice and feeding.
As for mat, I'm not offended by your comment, because I don't know you, otherwise I probably would take what you said more seriously. Still, I want you to know that I'm going to take your comment up to the Lord, and maybe he'll show me that I have been neglecting him in some aspect of my bloggage (not a word).

And Lils, hahahaha your post gave me a good laugh. I love you.

Lisa: I love your blog. (I wish there was a way to make the font for that just a little smaller. I am really a very small worm of the worshipful sort.)

6/10/2006 8:57 AM  
Blogger Joan said...

"they always show faith in me & don't condemn me or make me feel like I'm so out of it I'm hopeless."

Nice...

6/10/2006 9:36 AM  
Anonymous Clare said...

Somehow I don't think dear mat here is a Family member...

6/15/2006 1:45 PM  
Anonymous mat said...

Okay, I was going to do the humble thing and shrug off all of Florence's friends' attempts to patronize me with their obvious hypocrisy, but I can't anymore now that it's become slander. Not in the Family? You people in whatever country are so deluded that you've totally lost sight of what the Family is. Are you serious?
First of all, what you are is a bunch of wishy washy church christians that cant do anything but quote scripture to uphold your hypocritical, old-testament standards. Total fair-weather and caferteria style Christianity. Where is the spirit of David that blasts the antagonists? I read your blog and I'm sorry but it's a white-washed shell. You have to either be hot or cold, none of this "we're all nice lets get along" crap. Are you trying to make friends with Satan? I want nothing to do with it. Don't let yourself get dragged into spiritual lethargy.
I find it sickening that you post the Word on your blog. I'm sorry and you might feel like that's overexaggerating, but if it hurts, let it. I think mama would read your blog and cringe at the way you misuse the word. you're such a bad example of what the family is all about. quote the bible if you want, that's about as radical as your actions are.
God I'm sick of this. Read the Word. It's all in there, what I'm trying to say. You really need to read the word, cause the Lord says there's still hope for you no matter how messed up you are.

6/15/2006 2:15 PM  
Anonymous Amaranthine said...

Mat, shut up, you're a creep.

Joe.

6/15/2006 2:22 PM  
Blogger Lisa said...

Oooh thanks, i like yours too.

I think writing styles do change with time & inspirations for posts come and go. Write whatever you want to.
If people can't state their opinion on a post without attacking you then it cancels out any value in their argument.

Is Mat joking?
He should get himself a blog.

6/15/2006 8:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

mat, do you have red hair by any chance?

6/17/2006 7:45 AM  
Anonymous Clare said...

Like I said, "mat" is obviously not in the Family, and if he is, well, I pity anyone who has the misfortune of being in the same home as him. But yeah, something tells me he isn't...

6/17/2006 1:28 PM  

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